Reception report shock bad grades

[Cons]

My DS1 brought home his first graded school report, mainly 5's or 6's. I thought this was fine until I compared it to his friend's reports, mainly 8's some 9's, I was horrified. My husband and I are very academically minded, we both have masters degrees and believe wholeheartedly in the importance of education. What are we doing wrong? We are devastated by this report as it is the first time he has been 'graded' At home it is hard to get him to do his homework, he is not interested at all in reading, writing, maths etc. He would rather be playing. I thought this was the normal behaviour of a 5 year old boy but thought he was doing OK at school, which he obviously isn't. Should we get a tutor? It seems a bit ridiculous when he is so young but I don't want him to get even further behind next year. Are our expectations too high??

Not forgetting that OP seemed perfectly happy with how her DS was doing until she started to compare the 'grades' on his report to those of her friends' children.

Sorry, I've not read all of this thread.

Our school don't give achievement grades until the end of year 2 - to avoid your kind a reaction perhaps?

He is a 5 year old boy, and young in his year. It sounds like he's doing just fine.

One question - does he enjoy school? If so then I can't see that there's any problem at all. Pleas let him continue to enjoy his education.

The main thing is that your child, my child, any child is happy, secure and well-adjusted, surely?

I was an academic high-flyer. DP wasn't. DP is, by any benchmark, a much happier, more secure and generally all round better person than I am. DS (Yr1) is perfectly average academically according to his report (no grades given, but it's easy to see what is meant) but he is also confident, well-liked, happy at school, and has recovered brilliantly from an extended period of bullying he experienced in Reception. I cried when I read his report this year, because I was so relieved that what I felt about him was borne out by what his teacher said about him.

Most parents want their kids to do well, to achieve their potential, but what I think is far more important is that your child is happy. IMO it is wrong to place your expectations of what your child should be over and above the reality of what your child is.

Also important to remember that your child is not an extension of your personality.

Thanks sukima 'dear'. So kind.

mathanxiety Mon 25-Jul-11 02:04:10
"Also important to remember that your child is not an extension of your personality."

This is the best thing said on this thread.

Yes, it may seem a little odd to me to have a son who struggles with reading at the age of 11.

It also feels a little odd to have a dd who needs a wheelchair, when I have always been a keen hillwalker and proud of my physical strength.

I can try to help them to get better at things. But no amount of helping, or bullying, will turn them into me. In fact, when I pushed dd to try to achieve more physically, she started self-harming because the pressure was too much. So what I did was clearly not in her best interests

My job is to help them to make their best of their lives, and be proud of their own achievements, not wasting their time wishing they could have my life instead. I am sure they will achieve other things that I have not.

There were things my mother could do and I couldn't. I did other things instead. I am not a failure because I am not her, they are not failures because they are not me.

Clearly, sending the grades (as opposed to comments) home is a bad idea.

For myself, I see school reports as a chance to do a rough comparison of the school's impression of how my child is doing with my own impression of how he's doing - and I'd be worried only if there was a serious mismatch. for example, in his nursery year, they were worried about his speaking skills. He was a complete chatterbox with a wide vocab at home, so that flagged up the fact that there was a confidence issue (rather than an ability to speak issue, if that makes sense). which, after I mentioned it, has now been addressed (to the point that he regularly gets reprimanded for talking in class - I find it hard to take a tough line on this point ). I have no qualifications in education but would have thought at age 5 it was not so much about comparisons with others as about whether he has the social skills to focus / behave in a way that enables him to take in new info in a school environment, and to get along with others. A tutor sounds like a ghastly idea, not least because in my experience the best way of getting a 5 year old to learn something is managing to spot the five minute window of opportunity in which they are interested in learning that something....

I do feel that the disappointment aspect is very sad and unneccessary. Tutoring I agree is definately NOT something I would suggest. He needs self esteem.
My dd1 places pressure on herself/ is a perfectionist and has just left reception with 7-9's but is often unhappy. I would be pleased with average if it made her less highly strung and happier and content with herself. She enjoys learning and playing and we do mainly the latter. As others have posted, we integrate learning through conversation and exploring, not through sitting down with books to write in. We encourage her imagination.
I can't control her enjoyment of books ........I don't feel that it is what we as parents are or do, much is personality dependent. I completely agree about needing drive. My brother was average and now has a very successful horticultural business which is nation wide. I was the above average one and was lazy so did not achieve my potential and have only just completed a PG dip 20 years after leaving school! It can take that long to mature!

captain did i not see a thread of your own where you were questioning the fact that your dd was given a 7 in a certain area rather than an 8 or 9?

My dneph (August born) got 1 and 2's in Reception. He has just finished year 1 and is reading brilliantly. As others have said sometimes they just 'click'

I did ask because I felt she had been underscored, however I certainly was not in any way disappointed by her 7's. I felt they would have been higher because of what I have seen her do that school appear not to have seen. I told her in no unceertain terms that I was very proud of her, not only for the grades but for all her hard work and good behaviour at school. I also don't assume that just because my husband and I are well qualified academically that dd1 will want to be an academic.....in fact she wants to be an artist and has done since being 3! That is fine by me. I wanted to go to stage school but was obstructed from doing anything creative by my parents, so believe me history will not repeat its self

Good God! What have your friends done to their children? They must have them learning from dawn till dusk. That is not the way! Bet your child will rise to the challenge of year 1 - less play, more structured work. If he is happy, for goodness sake don't make him feel that he is failing in any way! Perhaps,just perhaps, your son is a slow burner and will outshine the perfect scores of the reception year,because they will have burnt out and not want to take any more in! I really think you need to relax about it.