Bullying letter from headteaher re yr1 son soiling himself...

[sambam99]

ON thursday I got the following letter from the head of my 6 yr old school.He soiled twice during this week of hot weather and 2 previous times in last 3 months.

Dear Mrs...,
Toay X soiled himself again and this time told his teacher that he thought he should go home as a result.Obviously this would not happen but nevertheless we feel we need to send out a meassge to him that it is not acceptable for a child of his age to soil himself regularly nor will it allow him an afternoon off school,I also do not think it is acceptable for me to ask staff to clean him up other than following a rare accident. We will therefore contact you if this happens again so that you his dad or a relative could come in, clean him and change his dirty clothing. YOurs sincerely etc etc.

I am very very angry as both my sons have sluggish bowels aggravated by the hot weather and the schools poor hydration policy . I have already left a terse message ont he schools answering machine...today the head sent me their complaints policy...
any advice

Keep calm and go to your GP.
Hopefully over the holidays these toileting problems will resolve with maturity.
Can you help your child to have regular times to pooh- sounds so old fashioned but I am so glad that I had a routine as achild and never had to do that during school hours.
Good luck and try to understand the school- it really isn't what they want to be dealing with.

This is completely unacceptable from the schools head and contravenes education guidelines. If he suffers from constipation it would be wise to see your GP and perhaps seek a referral to the continence nurse specialist in the area.
My concerns are more with why he is soiling. Often at this age it can be psychological. Is he being bullied? Is he afraid to ask to go to the toilet? Can you think back as to where and when the accidents happened in the day?

I would definately make an appointment to speak to the head when he returns to school. Has he had any soiling accidents at home since school finished?
So sad for your ds

seeker - My dd1 is 5 and under the enuresis nurse. Children need between 6-8 200ml drinks per day to be healthy. It is also well evidenced that keeping well hydrated improves concentration so it should be of benefit to all children in the class not just ones with specific medical conditions.
Going 2 hours without fluids, especially in summer is likely to create concentrated urine which irritates the bladder. Holding is also not good because it can send the bladder into spasm. Both can lead to urinary incontinence. Also constipation is more likely when the child is dehydrated, which can also affect urinary continence.
Schools should have policies of unlimited access to toilets and fluids throughout the day. They should be reminding all children to drink regularly.

I think almost every school in the UK would say they same thing, although, some Heads may phrase is slightly more tactfully.

The teacher will need to be with the class, and if there isn't a full time TA for the class, someone will have to be found to clean your DS...it's understandable that they phone you. They do understand about your DS's bowel problems don't they? Is the school just choosing to ignore this or is there a breakdown in communication?

As they are implying he did it deliberately to go home, then this is something that needs to be addressed by the school. If my child was deliberately soiling themselves in order not to be in school I would damn well be looking for a new school.

If you have been sent a copy of their complaints policy, then I think you should put it to use.

sambam99 - I think the letter you got had didn't have the right tone. I'm sorry for that, not nice for you. No one argues that teachers should be uo to their elbows in poo. But neither did you so why does the letter talk all about that and not even begin to talk about you son and the reasons this might be happening? Doesn't the head wonder/care why a 6yo would do this. Be that on purpose or not????????

My dd has nasty chronic constipation. The school have been really supportive and we went an saw the head and have regular chats the the teacher and TA to ensure they are aware and up to date of anything and everything that might cause her to have urgency etc. She has use of a special loo which is private so she can't be teased by other children looking under the door etc. Several other children use it too, as there are a few with various issues and sn.

I wouldn't be happy to recieve that letter, I don't think it puts your child at the centre of everyones concerns. I would be unhappy with the unwritten attempt to say your ds has done this on purpose. If the head thinks this is the case, this is a pretty big suggestion. I'd hope for a telephone or face to face meeting to discuss this serious suggestion!
If there is no evidence to suggest your ds is soiling on purpose, then the head has been pretty insensitive and unhelpful. Also seems to show no insight in to the massively complex area of children, bowels, and behaviour. Which seems a shame!

Soiling is a red flag for constipation. The constipation may be physical or mental (or both) in origin, but the end result is overflow and incontinence with a super loaded colon that just gets worse and worse, and it needs treatment over the long term. I'd seriously look at his bowel habits and see a GP.

Then I'd speak to the head. That letter was wrong.