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Primary education

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Original poster

Sex Education for Primary School Age - Advice needed

134 replies

Jockette · 04/06/2011 23:11

Hi, I am after some advice as I have a meeting coming up with my child primary school this month. I am concerned about the sex education and innapropriate use of naming intimate body parts at age 5. I have since removed my child from being involved in further sex ed lessons, but how can I show the school that I think 5, 6 and 7 is way to young for the kids to be learning information they don't need to be aware of at that age. What age do any of you think is appropriate for your child to be taught the breakdown of the female body part?

OP posts:
piprabbit · 05/06/2011 00:06

It sounds like you need to be having a chat with your DD so she hears what she needs to know from you. Especially if there is already a lot of discussion in the school and playground. Part of that chat can include teaching your DD about boundaries and privacy.

It does sound as though it is too late to put this particular genie back in the bottle at your DDs school, so you need to deal with the situation as you find it.

Original poster
Jockette · 05/06/2011 00:09

yes have told her already that she has her own personal space and that if she is not happy with anyone being in that to tell them, she is a very switched on lil girl and very comfortable in her own body. I just thought like I said before from my point of view was a bit too young, should our children not keep their innocence for a bit longer?

OP posts:
hester · 05/06/2011 00:10

Well, you seem very clear about your position on this, Jockette. So what advice can we give you? Or did you just want to know if there are others out there who would agree with you? Because there are, of course; and there's others who would agree with me.

Nobody will convince me that it's wrong for children to be curious about their body parts, and those of others. I also think that learning about this/ swapping information in the playground/ showing other children their bits is all fine and healthy, with the normal caveats (e.g. no big age gap, all age appropriate, nothing coercive or abusive going on).

gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:10

As a KS1 teacher, I have NO IDEA how you'd introduce a clitoris to a 5 year old. This really doesn't ring true!

hester · 05/06/2011 00:13

But what if your dd is very happy for someone to be in her personal space e.g. if she wants to show her vulva to her best friend? How do you discourage this without compromising her feeling comfortable in her own body?

I think it is entirely natural for children to be interested in their bodies and how they work. That doesn't mean they're not innocent. Where they lose innocence is when they have to start absorbing adult attitudes about sexuality, shame and guilt.

Himalaya · 05/06/2011 00:14

Jobo84

-- too young to know what their body parts are for by 10? Shock

Many little girls figure out what their clitoris is for by the age of 5 or 6. Quite a few have started their periods by age 10. Kids with older siblings will no a lot early on and will pass the garbled messages around anyway.

I don't think it's ever to early to give names to parts of the body. It doesn't mean you have to launch a full blown explanation of everything straight away. No one asks what labia are for'. I know I have a spleen, I still don't know what it's for. Grin

hester · 05/06/2011 00:14

btw I'm not saying your dd's school is not sex ed in the right way. I have no idea. Just that I wouldn't be opposed in principle.

Original poster
Jockette · 05/06/2011 00:17

hi gordon, well this did happen, hence why I was so surprised, and no this is not a micky take. I have only just joined this site from seeing the campaign from mumsnet on the news tonight about over sexualistion in the media and clothing etc, and it just made me think that maybe it was too young to start sex ed.

hester - I was quite prepared to have people disagree with me and that is the whole point of a forum, I know people have their own opinions. I suppose what I am trying to find out is what other people think and adivse and if there is any particular age in the curriculum etc for this to be started

OP posts:
gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:18

......learnt about her clitoris and told us and her Nanny and Grandad all about it whilst lifting up her skirt to show us where it was.....

Of course little girls find out about these things naturaly... but ....... OP's dd learnt about her clitois at school. Hmm

Original poster
Jockette · 05/06/2011 00:19

I wasn't opposed to it to start with, I just thought it went too in depth for the age

OP posts:
gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:23

But HOW would a Y1 teacher teach a class of 5 year olds (boys as well?) about clitorises. As I said I'm very Hmm about your thread joke-ette.

hester · 05/06/2011 00:25

It's all about context, isn't it? I'm by no means expert in what is age-appropriate sex education, but I would think that in Reception they are only doing basic concepts of how our bodies work and where babies come from. Actually naming a clitoris could come up as part of an explanation of body parts, or perhaps in response to a question. It's impossible to say whether or not it's been handled appropriately without knowing the context.

I suppose I just don't get the link between knowing what a clitoris is and losing innocence/ being over sexualised. Maybe because I had a hippy mum who told us all about everything (sometimes in embarrassing detail) from dot, and I went through a short but unfettered stage of exploring bodies with other little kids, but my interest was very transient, over quickly and I was a very innocent, geeky kid. Perhaps I was innocent and geeky, in part, because I didn't see knowledge about sex as enticingly forbidden fruit?

Original poster
Jockette · 05/06/2011 00:26

not sure there is any need to be quite so rude to me, this is a serious thread and not a joke, and I am after genuine comments and advice. I am not sure how a year 1 teacher taught my daughter or the other children in the class about clitorises, but she came home the same day and told and showed us like I said.

OP posts:
RoadArt · 05/06/2011 00:30

I had the same concerns when I heard my school was doing this. However, by teaching children the correct names for body parts it takes away the rudeness or jokes or embarrassment because they grow up knowing the appropriate names rather than family nicknames.

In the event that something is happening to them that shouldnt then they can explain with the correct language rather than someone trying to translate what a child is trying to say.

My own kids were not taught any of this from such a young age at school and have learnt most of the language from school gossip, so it is better they understand the truth from the start.

Kids are very matter of fact and dont think the worse by knowing proper names for the body.

Right through the curriculum they are taught proper words for everything now.

gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:32

I'm not being rude - I just know how 5 year olds learn. And it ain't by anatomical diagrams! Using the areas of learning, everything looks a bit Shock!!!!
visual..... Shock
auditory......[how?]
kinaesthetic....[not worth thinking about]

I would be seriously worried about what was going on at school!

hester · 05/06/2011 00:34

I think you need to ask the school, jockette. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer on the best age to know what a clitoris is; but if you knew more about the lesson plan and content, and guidelines for answering questions, then it might put your mind at ease.

Why don't you ask them? Then come back and tell us; I'd be really interested to know myself.

gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:34

I was talkingn clitorises there - not body parts. External body parts is fine at 5.

hester · 05/06/2011 00:34

Good point, gordongrumblebum, it hadn't occurred to me that an anatomical diagram wouldn't be normal practice in Reception Grin

gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 00:35

I'd even go a little internal and accept vaginas to explain how a mummy is having a baby.... but clitorises?

hester · 05/06/2011 00:38

My school thought the right time to offer sex ed was.... sixth form (do they call it Yr 12 now? - old fogey emoticon). By then, half the girls had left or were pregnant.

vintageteacups · 05/06/2011 00:48

OP - are you sure that a child in class didn't just ask what a clitoris was? (perhaps they'd heard it said somewhere or at home?)

All you have to do is ask the head teacher for the school's sex ed policy.

They will send you it.

gordongrumblebum · 05/06/2011 01:00

Grin But how would the teacher explain in such a way that a 5 year old can show her clitoris to her granny? Shock
Hahahahaha my mind boggles.

Himalaya · 05/06/2011 01:15

If you go in to school they should show you the books, worksheets, videos they use. Most schools will have a parents evening to show you stuff and talk thru their approach.

Ours used the Channel 4 book in yr 2. It does naming of parts including clitoris. Some parents were Shock. I don't know why clitoris is the-part-that-shall-not-be-named. Why ever not?

I do remember doing human reproduction in secondary school many years ato and the clitoris wasn't marked on the diagram then. Of course in most text books someone had added it in biro.

nailak · 05/06/2011 01:52

Imo these parts of your body are not shameful, but they are private. I don't quite understand the purpose and value of these lessons? My dd since under 2 has known where babys come from, how delivered etc however the graphic imagery of these parts and making it acceptable to show others these parts and also letting them touch as the op has said, surely makes kids more vulnerable to abuse, as its just a game like they play with friends, the teacher shows pics of these so why can't someone photographs mine etc. Imo children need to be taught through demonstration as well as words that these parts are private and shouldn't unnecessarily be exposed.

southernbelle77 · 05/06/2011 05:56

My DD also had this lesson in yr1! I was a bit aghast to start with at the thought of them teaching about what a clitoris was (not sure what they showed as such but it was from a picture!) but after the initial questions and giggling, she now knows and hasnt bothered mentioning at all since being in yr2. I do think the longer it is left in school to teach them, the more embarrassed and silly the children might be!
What's done is done!