Separating twins in Reception - any experiences

[schmee]

We have to decide fairly soon whether to split our DTS for Reception. If we do, they will stay with the same class groups until they go to senior school.

I wondered if anyone had any experiences either way?

Oh kissingfrogs you've made me feel terrible. We separated our b g twins in reception, they did a year in the same class in the school nursery first. Both teachers said they would 'look' for each other in reception in the middle messy play classroom, just to see where they were, and then play completely separately. Now in year 2 they're both proud of the fact they're the only twins in sep classes, in fact their year was first time twins could be split. We think it's worked out for the best as he's bright and good with maths, whilst she's more arty. They have separate friends, and shared friends. Interestingly the other day he had a nasty fall, and when all the children crowded round he asked that his sister, and not his best friend took him up to the office. I think we really have made the right decision, but each situation is so different, I think you have to go with your gut. NB our headteacher made it very clear that if it didn't work out she would not counter putting them back together, ever as that 'would set a precedent and parents would for ever be asking for their children to move classes'.... Hmmm.

Clare21 - oh I didnt mean to make you feel terrible, sorry, I was only recounting from my own personal experience where splitting me & my sister up didnt work - and it's not the same for everyone. It really does depend on the relationship between each pair of twins, some cope, some like it, others...well, if you are a perceptive parent then you'll know best - and if they flounder through the need to be back together then be prepared to make sure they are for their sakes.

Why oh why though do people think that if you don't seperate twins then they'll be attached at the hip for evermore? My sister and I naturally went on to develop our own seperate lives, do different things etc when we were adults.
However, we do fully intend - in all seriousness - that when we're elderly we will be two mad old women living reclusively in our remote farmhouse with our animals, firmly devoted to eachother - as we were in the beginning, so shall we be at the end.

I'm a twin, and for the most part have a good relationship with my sister, but it has taken a long chunk of my adult life to feel valued as my own person. This isn't because of being in the same class at school ( i changed classes to be with my sister) but because of home life, which is actually where children spend more of their time than at school, and where personalities are shaped just as much as at school. Our parents valued outgoing and loud bubbly personalities such as my sister's and encouraged me to be like that, which is like trying to get water to burn - never going to happen. But of course as a child you want to please your parents so i spent twenty years trying to fit into my twin's image. Finally I can now say i'm happy to be reticent, independent and introspective, and appreciate my twin's opposite personality without being 'dominated ' by it. I put that word in inverted commas because it has become a cliche in twin studies but its effect is devastating. Don't get taken in by the red herring of same or different classes - it's how you treat your children as their parents that moulds their self-worth as individuals and their capacity to have a warm and respectful twinship.

Here here readinginbed.

thank you. after sharing quite personal stuff it is v nice to read your replies.

Thank you readinginbed. I have twins who sound like you and your sister and (hopefully) we allow the quieter, introspective, solitary one to be herself just as we allow the verbal, social butterfly to be herself. Your insight has been a valuable reminder that it is families who shape their twins, not school experience.

I have non-identical twin boys who went to small village school with less than 20 in each class. We had no choice but to keep them together as there was only one class intake each year. They loved school, partly because they were together. The teachers have always treated them as individuals even though they have been in the same class and same ability grouping for the first five years. They are a very similar ability in everything they do. Now they are at middle school and when asked, they wanted to be split up and had the confidence to say so and to understand it was the right thing for them at age 9. Two years into middle school (year 6, age 11) they are thriving. They meet each other in English and Maths lessons (in the same set) and at playtime and lunchtime (they meet with mutual friends at lunchtime). I have absolutely no problem with them seeking each other out at lunchtime. They have the same friends (again, I have no problem with this) which is great as I only organise one birthday party for them and they both want the same children to be invited. They will soon be moving onto grammar school and have specifically asked to be in separate classes, even though they won't know anybody at the school.

They received the same homework in first school. I sat them in different rooms or at different tables to complete it. Sometimes they would have a chat first about their homework and then set about doing it individually. I miss these 'brainstorming' sessions now they are in separate classes as they seemed to enjoy doing their homework more when they could chat about it first. They have also been known to ask me questions about their schoolwork for the other one to answer. That has been one of the advantages of being in the same class.

The route of same class for a number of years and then different classes for two years has given them the confidence to 'go it alone' whilst at the same time enjoying being at school knowing they had each other. If I had their early year's schooling again I would make the same decision of keeping them together. I realise not all twins are the same and that some may benefit from being split up but a discussion between the school and parents should be the way forward.

Finally, despite them being together for 5 years very few people (if any) refer to them as 'twins'. They have developed as individuals in their own right with their own strengths and challenges. Sorry for so much info, but I wanted to share my first hand info with you. Good luck with your decision making and enjoy your children during their early school years.

Thank you - that's a really useful perspective and sounds like how I'd like things to be.

I have non-id twin girls who were split by the school (it wouldn't even consider letting them be together) at reception. One was okay(ish), but the other was very upset and didn't settle at school until they eventually conceded that she should be allowed to sit with her twin at lunch and to see her more during the day. In year 1 we had the same problem and my DD was very unsettled and upset making her an easy target for another girl to bully.

We then moved abroad and the school again would not allow them to be together. After a year of them being separated, both being very upset about it, and one of them being bullied, the school agreed they could be together. Since then, I have had annual phonecalls and emails from the school pressurising me to separate them, despite their class teachers having no complaints. Any time, one of them comes home sick during the day, or doesn't do particularly well on a test, I get phonecalls and emails again, saying this is because they are together. Last year, one teacher threatened one of them that if there was any trouble in his class, he would make sure she was moved - she had not caused any trouble. Some schools are just weird about this and some teachers are obsessed with it and cannot accept that for some twins being together is the right thing.

You know what's best for your kids. All twins are different and some prefer to be apart, whilst for others it is better for them to be together. Mine are happy together. They are best friends, but they have other friends too and don't always hang out together at school.