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Separating twins in Reception - any experiences

87 replies

schmee · 15/05/2011 19:46

We have to decide fairly soon whether to split our DTS for Reception. If we do, they will stay with the same class groups until they go to senior school.

I wondered if anyone had any experiences either way?

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exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 07:14

I don't think that a school should have a policy on it, it depends onthe twins. If I had twins I would like them split so that they can make their own friends and become their own person and not have their work constantly compared.

I was a shy child at school, not being a twin I didn't have a 'crutch' and I don't think it would have done me good to have one-it also wouldn't have been fair on the twin to be used that way.

However, everyone is different.

EvilTwins · 21/05/2011 08:37

"If I had twins I would like them split so that they can make their own friends and become their own person and not have their work constantly compared"

I have twins. They are in the same class. However, they do have their own friends, and each is her own person. It makes me sad that people think twins can't be individuals unless they're physically removed from each other.

I wonder if the schools who have a policy of splitting twins also have a policy of splitting close friends?

foxinsocks · 21/05/2011 08:47

It depends on the children doesn't it

Ds has 4 sets or one child of twins in his class (5 sets in the whole year). The same sex id twins have been kept together but the boy girl twins have all been split. Our school is flexible. Quite a few started together in nursery and reception and split later on.

k8athome · 21/05/2011 08:54

"If I had twins I would like them split so that they can make their own friends and become their own person and not have their work constantly compared"

I have twins. They are in the same class. However, they do have their own friends, and each is her own person. It makes me sad that people think twins can't be individuals unless they're physically removed from each other.

I wonder if the schools who have a policy of splitting twins also have a policy of splitting close friends?

I totally agree.

mumofboy · 21/05/2011 09:44

I don't see it as allowing twins to be individuals - of course they can be individuals without being physically removed from each other. However, they are together for most of the time, and very often one twin is a bit quieter than the other. Splitting them allows them BOTH to explore and take risks in a safe and supportive environment and to explore what it's like to be apart. I'd hope most reception classes are following the EYFS curriculum which would mean that although twins who were split would start the day in different classes, there would be plenty of opportunities for them to mix throughout the day. It's not just about supporting a quieter twin, it's about allowing a less quiet twin time away from being the supporting one. If you have a choice in the matter you obviously need to do what you feel is best for your children. Have you asked them? Do they have an opinion?

exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 09:44

I did qualify it by saying schools shouldn't have a policy and it depends on the twins. I was saying what I would do-I don't expect all parents to feel the same or that they wouldn't have their own friends in the same class. People do get over sensitive-there isn't a 'right' answer. I stick by what I would do. We are all different-my choice doesn't reflect on what I think about others.

exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 09:47

I would definitely split close friends if one was relying on the other. In fact I asked to have my son removed from his close friend-they were fine as friends-just not as friends together all the time-the other was more dominant.

exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 09:51

If I had twins I would think that they had ample time together and lesson time would be a time to explore and take risks, as mumofboy says. I haven't got them, but if I did the one thing I would hate was them coming as a pair, being know as the Twins and parents thinking that they couldn't have one to tea without the other or that if one got an invitation to a party the other would have to have an invitation. Far healthier to go to parties etc on their own and people not think of them as a pair.

Original poster
schmee · 21/05/2011 18:53

exoticfruits - I think that sums it up for me. The main reasons for splitting them are about other people's perception of how twins work: teachers, parents and other children. If I could educate other people then most of the reasons would disappear.

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exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 19:25

I know that I would have to keep explaining to other parents, schmee, 'there is no need to invite one to a party because you have invited the other and you don't have to have them both for a sleepover' etc Or to granny-you can have one to stay-they don't always come as a pair!
I would hate the idea that what one had the other had to have.

k8athome · 21/05/2011 19:53

exoticfruits, that is about how other people perceive twins, not how they perceive themselves or how they interact with others. Splitting them in the classroom based on how other people behave is not logical.

bluebobbin · 21/05/2011 20:06

I think that whatever you decide, you should try and say to the school at the outset that you would be grateful for any flexibility that they can provide, even if they don't really offer flexibility on paper. Children leave schools, so you may be able to swap classes and additionally, there may be problems with other children (unrelated to your twins) and some other parent might be begging the head for a swap. It is hard to decide, my DBs are twins and my DD is also in a class containing twin boys. It just really depends what they are like. Some twins are always very close and remain so right through their lives. I know another person who keeps the fact that they have an ID twin brother a secret.

exoticfruits · 21/05/2011 22:44

I just think that if they are in different classes you don't get the 'can't have one without the other' and they will go to separate parties, friends houses to tea etc.
I am not trying to tell other people what they should do-that is up to them entirely. I am only saying that if I had twins I would hate them to always be invited to the same things because people thought you couldn't invite just one to tea.

kissingfrogs · 21/05/2011 23:09

I'm glad that there are some people here who recognise that just because one person looks like the other it doesnt mean that they are incapable of being individuals unless physically seperated.

exoticfruitloop
Seperating close friends? Not being allowed to rely on someone else? Jesus! You help a person to be an individual by allowing them to do what comes naturally to them, not by enforcing rules on how close they can or can not be to someone else and not by picking their friends for them based on your own subjective interpretation of what constitutes appropriate social interaction.

And what is wrong with "coming as a pair" or being called "the twins"? Being a twin is part of a twins natural born identity. "Far healthier to go to parties on their own ...". Excuse me??? I find your take on life of: better to stand-alone-and-on-your-own that of someone who doesnt entertain close relationships.

Growing up with close companionship and having someone there to experience life with, a person who always knows and understands what you're feeling, gives a great feeling of security and wellbeing that supports you through anything that life can throw at you. It's what everyone should have. It's what close twins do have. We're the fortunate ones.

rubyrubyruby · 21/05/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 08:08

He was a very good friend, kissingfrogs-still is today and we used to go on holiday with them. They saw each other lots out of school, and at playtimes. I didn't want them in the same class, he was too dominant.

I haven't had twins, but as we have them naturally, in the family I gave it a lot of thought. I also knew quite a lot of twins as a child and I felt so sorry for them being 'the twins' and never Anna and Louise.

They are in school for 6 hours a day and in the classroom for about 4 and a half hours a day for 5 days a week with at least 12 weeks holiday. I hardly think it constitutes a separation. It gives them a short time to explore being on their own.

If I had twins I was determined to let them choose their own clothes and I would have hated parents to always think, we are inviting Anna, we have to have Louise. They are two different people.
If they have a close bond, nothing can break it and they should be able to cope with one going out socially without the other. Why should someone who is best friends with one always have to have the other tagging along?

Anyway I haven't had twins so I haven't had to do it. My DCs also haven't had twins as friends and so we haven't had the party dilemma.

I would say the school and the parents need to discuss it-there isn't a rule.It depends on the individual.

I know that as a very shy child, it wouldn't have done me any good to always rely on a brother or sister and not fair on the brother or sister. However-before anyone shouts at me-that is me. I am not telling anyone else what to do.

BendyBob · 22/05/2011 10:52

I agree with your points exotic.

Much of what you say are the reasons mine were separated and they thrive on it. They've always understood that they don't automatically go to the same parties etc. They like to be seen as individual and not have to share every single thing which would be stifling for them; friends and parties included.

They are siblings who happen to be twins. The twin bond they have is special between them personally and within our family and doesn't define how others percieve them outside of that.

But everyone is different. I think parents should be able to decide what they think is best if it's going to be especially traumatic to have their twins in separate classes. I do think though that it's inevitable when they're older twin lives will diverge at some point, as they do between any siblings.

IloveJudgeJudy · 22/05/2011 11:52

I have also had the problem that my DS invited one of a twin to his birthday party and the parents somehow assumed that the other was invited, too. That was very tricky as we had not catered for that at all.

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 12:00

I had friends at school who were identical-many people couldn't tell them apart-but I liked one much better than the other. I don't see why they 'come as a pair'. (it wasn't that I disliked her sister-just not the same rapport)

kissingfrogs · 22/05/2011 22:26

tagging along / so sorry for them / stifling ....

I find comments and words like these saddening as it shows that you don't understand a close twin bond.

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 22:43

Not all twins have the same bond kissingfrogs. I know identical ones who hate each other-they bicker and argue and tell tales onthe other-they must be a nightmare at home! I don't think a teacher could stand them in the same class-they tell enough tales apart. You are very much looking at it from your own experience.

EvilTwins · 23/05/2011 17:28

Yes, exoticfruits, but some do, which is exactly why schools shouldn't have blanket "policies" about such things. Who benefits from such a policy? As a teacher, as well as a parent of ID twins, I honestly believe it's teachers who benefit, and no one else, which really shouldn't be the point.

teachingassistant · 23/05/2011 17:36

We give parents the decision in reception. Generally we don't mix classes up - infant school. Not happening in last few years at all.

However this year we are doing at the end of y1 as two of the three classes really would benefit from being mixed up differently, so all three classes are going to be mixed and three new classes formed.

In this year group we have 5 sets of twins. 4 sets are together, one set are seperated, all at parent's preference.

That set of twins are remaining sperated I believe. We are intending on seperating another set this year as, as teaching staff, feel it will benefit both children. Although parents have not been told yet it is likely it will be discussed with hem should they have concerns. Two sets are definitely going to stay together as we feel that at least one in each set would benefit fromt hem bein together. I am not sure about the last set.

fairydoll · 23/05/2011 18:08

separate them.the vast majority of children start school without a sibling in the same class

Original poster
schmee · 23/05/2011 18:25

fairydoll - why did you bother to say that?

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