Separating twins in Reception - any experiences

[schmee]

We have to decide fairly soon whether to split our DTS for Reception. If we do, they will stay with the same class groups until they go to senior school.

I wondered if anyone had any experiences either way?

"I wonder if the schools who have a policy of splitting twins also have a policy of splitting close friends?"

Our primary would seem to have a policy of splitting twins (and triplets on at least one occasion - it's a 3 form intake :)) as every set I am aware of is in a different class.

Yes, they also split up close friends.

However, this is done for the nursery class where they have observed the children over the year. They allocate the children between the classes dependent on how they work together. DS2 was in a strong group of 3 with 2 dominant characters. They were split one per class for reception. I was initially devastated for him but, with hindsight, this was completely the right thing to do. I trusted them to make the right decision for DDD and, unsurprisingly, she was split from her very close friend (who is also a 3rd born with 2 older brothers and both were as strong willed as each other). Again, this was the right thing to do.

I have said all along that there shouldn't be a blanket policy. I keep saying what I would do if I had twins and kissingfrogs doesn't like it.
I don't expect people to feel the same but I wouldn't call them 'the twins', and would be upset if one had to be invited to something because the other was. I would be sending one to Gran's and keeping one at home to give quality time when I could and then swapping.
I am not looking it so much from the twins point of view but everyone elses. Three is not a good number for friends. All people who really know twins can tell the difference. If I really like one twin I would want time alone, not always to have the other. After all, when they start having boyfriends they will have to experience time alone. My MIL is a twin, she has a great bond with her identical twin but I think my FIL might have got fed up if they always had SIL with them! They have always lived at least 100 miles apart since about 20yrs old and have coped.
They might not get the same university, even if they apply to the same one or one might go and the other might not.
Strong bonds don't have to be together all the time.

However-it is up to the parents and the school, in partnership.

Haven't read all answers, but have taught many twins, including twins with english as a second language and little english. honestly, i don't think it made a huge difference having them in the same class vs separated, i guess it could be negative for sibling rivalry not developing sense of self etc., but in my experience i actually forgot they were twins as they acted independetly and were usually in different ability group within the class. fwiw i taught in in west and central london, and edinburgh, and haven't heard of a school having a "separate twins policy". speak to the nursery teacher and head teacher, and the kids, and go with your gut feeling.

exoticfruitcake
"I am not looking it so much from the twins point of view but everyone elses."

Exactly why I disagree with you hugely.

You would kissingfrog-as a twin has it not occurred to you that people might want one and not the other sometimes?! (anyone who knows twin well can tell the difference, it is quite possible to get on really well with one and not the other)
I'm sure boyfriends won't want the other twin tagging along!

Exoticfruits- we're talking children going unto Reception here! No one is suggesting that twins have to do everything together for the rest of their lives. My girls have been together since the moment the egg split. They are young for their academic year- not 5 yet, and coming to the end of Yr R. If I had been forced to split them because someone else said I had to, they would have found it very distressing. However, they are perfect little individuals, and do not stick to each other. As they get older, I will strive to support each in her individual interests (except the synchronised diving- they get no choice in that. )

However, I maintain that no one other than the parent of a set of twins should be making the decision about whether they, as 4 year olds, should start school together or separately.

I agree with you EvilTwins -it should be up to the parent-I have never said otherwise.
I have only said that if I was the mother, I don't know if I would want them split in class, but I would certainly want other parents to know they could invite one to a party, tea or a day out and not feel obliged to have the other tag along.
If I had twins I wouldn't dress them alike and have them doing everything the same. As I don't have twins it doesn't matter and I will stop commenting.
Certainly it should be up to the parents.

'fairydoll - why did you bother to say that?'

uummm because you asked
people for opinions [shakes head in disbelief at needless aggression]

"not sure I could cope with 3 different classroom drop offs in the a.m"

I often feel sorry for the mother with triplets in DS2s year. 3 drop offs, 3 Christmas meals out, 3 stints of volunteering at the school fair... She did look hassled and shellshocked for the first few years :)

Most twins get into my DCs school on the grounds that there parents want them split (there is a special criteria for being the closest 2 class entry school). However they certainly don't stay in the same form all the way through. I have seen it do wonders, after initial trauma as the shyer twin has had a chance to shine as an individual. But only you know your twins.

BTW they do ask the parents first, but I've never known parents not want twins split, but thats probably why they choose the school IYSWIM.

I did the three classroom drop off for years. It is hard it's true, but then I guess no harder than anyone with three dc.

I have never know a school split against the parent's wishes. (they may give an opinion). Most parents want a larger school so that they can split, in my experience.

My friend has twins and swears by it other wise the Dominate one takes over they need to develop their own Id

"the shyer one", "the dominant one"

FFS - not all twins have this dynamic! I'm getting quite pissed off now. Can people who do not actually have twins bugger off please. Take it from me - you don't know what you're talking about. In the same way that not all first DCs are motivated and not all youngest DCs are creative, NOT ALL TWINS ARE THE SAME.

I think that is the main point -they are not the same.
I think I would get really mad if I had them, saying when people said 'the twins?'-'do you mean Max and Josh?'
Anyway-I will take your advice and bugger off.

I think the point is that unless you have twins (or indeed are a twin) then it is impossible to say what you would do.

I have ID twins and always presumed that i would push for different classes but actually as they are approaching school age I would not now split them, because I know that they will be better together. i didnt make this decision until i had seen how they interacted with each other and other children in nursery and took advice from staff there.

It is a common misconception that there is always a "shyer" or "more dominant" twin... not always the case. My girls have unique personalities and it is not up to me that they dress differently they simply have different taste in clothes! They are individuals in every way and are treated as such, however they have spent very little time apart (again easy to say you will spend time individually with them but much harder in real life!) They have their own friends, and shared ones, but nothing comes close to the bond they have, I am sure as they get older the fact that they are secure in the knowledge that their sister is always there will help no end in ensuring that they grow into confidant young woman and persue thier own interests.

It has actually been researched that splitting twins whent they are not ready can cause problems emotionally and with their education.

I would not send my children to a school where they was a policy that did not take this into account

Interesting debate. I too have B/G twins and I actively want them
together for Reception. Starting school is hard enough without the trauma of being separated too. After that we will see. Our school has no policy regarding twins other than we consider each pair of twins on an individual case. They are also guided by the parents. I'm keen to see what happens as my twins start school. My guess is they will continue to flourish individually as they have done at preschool.

EvilTwins- I agree with everything you have said.

Thanks Mummyrev

Very much agree with what Evil Twins said. Ridiculous to have a policy/assumption about twins; every set will be different and have unique needs, both as a pair and as two individuals.

FWIW my non ID twins are in same class through choice. I could think of no reason to separate them and when they started at four they took a lot of comfort from each other. Why would I choose to take that comfort away suddenly at a time of great disruption and change? As the year has gone on they have gradually started to separate at their own speed and now play differently and have different friends.

This worked for mine and could be due to the fact they are academically very similar and do get on well. There is no "dominant/shyer one".

(also, as has been said, having them together makes MY life much easier in the am/pick up/school stuff).

There's loads of really interesting thoughts on here. Agree with EvilTwins and Clarence about the frustrating misconception that there is going to be one dominant one - when people ask me who is the dominant one I say "both"!

I'm going to try to have a chat with the school in the next couple of weeks and get their views (from their current nursery teachers) and hopefully find out from their Reception teachers about any thoughts on making either scenario work well.

schmee - I tend to answer "depends what day it is..." to that. No one asks that of parents of siblings of different ages, do they? Grrrrrr.

I'm a twin. My dt and I were together during infant's school then split during junior school (our mother's decision). Although my dt and I didn't particularly get on, I hated that we weren't consulted about the decision.

Any blanket split/do not split policy is doomed to have many problems with it. I know reception is young and no decision is forever, but would it be a ridiculous suggestion for everyone involved ie parents, school, twins to put forward their points of view and preferences and review yearly?

I said shyer one because I was thinking about one set of twins, where there was one shyer one, splitting them has helped a lot (in there case, and their mother fought to get them into a school which could split them). In another set the mother made the right decision to split them as they boys still do not like each other.
I did also say only the mother can make the right decision.

But of course anyone who isn't the parent of one set of twins has any right to comment, even if they have observed a very large number over the years.