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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Give me tips to deal with the playground blankers!

59 replies

TooTiredToArgue · 29/03/2011 18:15

Well, title says it all really. Am fed up with dealing with mothers in the playground who are nice one day, and blank me the next. What's their problem - why can't people be consistent?

I know this subject has been covered before, but I'm really interested to hear of other experiences in the playground. I would class myself as friendly and quite chatty, but I'm really struggling....

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bibbitybobbityhat · 29/03/2011 18:17

I expect I blank some people in the playground when I have chatted to them the day before because I am in an anti social mood, or I have got something on my mind, or I am looking out for someone I particularly need to speak to and if you get caught up in another conversation then you can easily miss them.

LadyWord · 29/03/2011 18:20

Well I'm probably a playground blanker - because I try to be sociable and make conversation if I do notice people, but sometimes I don't notice them, sometimes I'm not in the mood to chat and sometimes I really do need to send a text or check an email on my phone. Ok some people may be playing mind games by "blanking" but I think it's much more likely they just have other things on their mind sometimes.

Try not to care. Does it really matter? if you're lucky a few other parents from school may become friends, but that doesn't mean everyone has to make an effort all the time. I would find that exhausting tbh.

HouseTooSmall · 29/03/2011 18:20

If I blanked anyone it would be an accident. Do you really think deliberate?

SarkyLady · 29/03/2011 18:21

I agree with bibbity.

I am often in a rush and looking out for someone in particular and so may inadvertently 'blank' someone. I don't take offence at being 'blanked'

SarkyLady · 29/03/2011 18:23

Also I confess I have a 'pecking order'. I have two good friends who I usually seek out. There are a few others who I know less well. But if they are not there I waffle on to whoever else happens to be there.

Does that make me a bad person?

BirdyArms · 29/03/2011 18:24

I used to feel like this in our playground but know that I know people better I realise that the people who don't always say hello are either the people who get in a busy tiz and don't feel like they have time to do say hello or people who are very shy, although they might not at first appear to be shy. If you don;t have problems in other social situations I think you can assume it's them, not you.

ShatnersBassoon · 29/03/2011 18:25

I must blank people every day.

I don't mean to, but I sometimes get into a conversation with someone that I don't want to cut off, and I just can't be bothered looking for every person I recognise to say hello to because that would be more or less everyone in the playground and I'd look like a total dick.

saintfranksdisco · 29/03/2011 18:25

I'm probably guilty of this as well. I will chat to anyone but some days I am trying to keep an eye on ds when we're waiting for his sister to come out. He tends to wander off to the other side of the playground and get up to all sorts so I'm constantly on guard. I would much rather be merrily chatting away but the head teacher keeps sending reminders to us all that we must supervise our dc in the playground. One poor mum was deep in idle gossip serious conversation when she was summons to retrieve her 3 year old from the top of the toy shed.

Original poster

TooTiredToArgue · 29/03/2011 18:30

I completely agree that it's fine to be busy/check messages/make phone callse etc, but equally, a smile or 'hello' takes very little effort.

I think the fact that my playground is full of very smart mothers and cliques doesn't really help...

OP posts:

LittleCheesyPineappleOne · 29/03/2011 18:38

I will blank people if I'm tired, not in a sociable mood, or if I've forgotten my glasses and everyone looks a bit blurry. I do try to plaster on a smile though so as not to cause offence.

Janine45 · 29/03/2011 19:27

It is like this in my son's playground, I am a very chatty person and there are alot of cliques and people who do blank you, you get used to it. I think I must be guilty of it sometimes as well, don't let it get to you, you will find the ones who will chat to you twice a day everyday and the ones who will chat and acknowledge you every so often people are funny creatures

diabolo · 29/03/2011 19:44

This thread made me chuckle.

There's a mum at collection from my DS's class - one day she's breezy, chatty - friendly even, the next day she acts like she has never seen me before in her life. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Totally ignores me - even if I say "hello". She's had us around for dinner, boys have sleepovers etc. but boy is she odd!!

My DH and I joke that her husband has made a Stepford Wife version of her, but occasionally the "real" one escapes to do the school run.

livinginthesticks · 29/03/2011 22:17

I have got a genuinely bad facial recognition problem to the point where if I see anyone out of context I might not recognise them. Sometimes I see someone and think I know them and am not sure. The worst incident recently was where I saw someone who started talking to me in the street and I was sure I didn't know him and eventually I said 'I'm sorry, do I know you'. It turned out he sits near me at work and has done for the past 18 months .

I am sure I regularly blank mothers at the school gate, in fact there is one woman who has started giving me funny looks but it completely unintentional. Not saying this is usual but it might be some of the time with people who blank you.

TaffetaCat · 29/03/2011 22:20

Smile and move on. Its not your problem.

sunnydelight · 30/03/2011 09:20

Smile, say hi, and if there is no response try not to worry about it.

I have three kids at the same school which makes for a lot of parents to recognise, and a poor visual memory. I often think people look familiar but find it very hard to place them. I started a conversation with a nice woman at a school social event today by congratulating her on her new job at the school and asking how she was finding it After a few minutes when she was chatting about a job that clearly wasn't at school I realised I had totally confused her with someone else. I admitted my mistake and we laughed about it but I felt like an idiot. From now on I'm planning to smile vaguely at everyone but keep on walking so nobody draws me into conversation

LittleCheesyPineappleOne · 30/03/2011 19:21

Livinginthesticks... :en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia

befuzzled · 30/03/2011 19:28

They're pretentious insecure prats, concentrate on the friendly ones.

Eveiebaby · 30/03/2011 21:48

Mothers at DD's school can also be a funny bunch. If I walk past them in the playground they will usually not look or smile although there are maybe two or three that might say hello. I think people are so pre-occupied these days plus I think if they have a regular friend they are not that bothered about speaking to anybody else.
It does not bother me I just think it is interesting how human nature works. I now really don't bother to make the effort myself. I think it's a shame as DD will be at the same school for another six years and I will be seeing these parents everyday until then! I am not looking to make friends with these parents as such but a smile or hello would be nice.

Original poster

TooTiredToArgue · 31/03/2011 16:37

Thanks for all the posts. Eviebaby has hit the nail on the head - I'm going to be seeing these mothers for another 5 years or so, so yes, it would be nice to be civil.

I do sometimes feel like I'm back at secondary school though (with all the different cliques in the playground). I thought all that was safely in the past, but obviously not!

OP posts:

maggiethecat · 31/03/2011 19:51

You know the ones who are blanking you rather than it being a case of preoccupied thoughts. Ignore them.

I'm happy being friendly/polite but not offended by people who behave strangely. Def not interested in belonging to any cliques or being best mates.

Meerkatinthemachine · 31/03/2011 20:02

@LittleCheesyPineappleOne- I'm amazed, this prosowhatsit sounds exactly like the problem I have with facial recognition- so glad I can now mention this when people think I'm being 'funny' when it's actually my inability to recognise them & therefore I'm scared of making a prat of myself

gabid · 31/03/2011 20:26

Yes, sometimes it feels as if I was back at school! Some mums (dads don't seem to play that game so much) seem to be in their cliques and don't seem to bother being civil with other people they see twice each day. There are 2 mums who blank me, look the other way when we pass on the pavement. I have never spoken to them. To one of them I once made a comment about her new baby, just the usual, she gave a brief answer and blanked me ever since. I find all that really odd. I thought adults smile, nod, make eye contact or say hello. I don't always want to chat, but at least I acknowledge people I recognise in some way. And, yes, if I or someone else is chatting I don't necessarily expect it.

mediumbubba · 31/03/2011 20:30

Go later. I find it boring hanging around in the playground.

Original poster

TooTiredToArgue · 31/03/2011 21:10

Gabid - you're so right. There is one particular woman who blanks me (and has done for ages), having been really friendly to me when our children first started in Reception. Well, I thought it was ridiculous, given that we were both grown women, so one day I thought I'd (re)break the ice, and I commented on her dog (!). She nodded coldly, moved away, and has continued to blank me ever since. So I did try!

Mediumbubba - have been trying that too. It's a good plan.

OP posts:

sshnapps · 01/04/2011 13:11

theres 2 mums i know like this,i totally ignore them now. i think those of you who are pr occupied etc are very rude.

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