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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Give me tips to deal with the playground blankers!

59 replies

TooTiredToArgue · 29/03/2011 18:15

Well, title says it all really. Am fed up with dealing with mothers in the playground who are nice one day, and blank me the next. What's their problem - why can't people be consistent?

I know this subject has been covered before, but I'm really interested to hear of other experiences in the playground. I would class myself as friendly and quite chatty, but I'm really struggling....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AllTheGoodOnesAreTaken · 01/04/2011 13:49

TooTiredToArgue what you're discribing is unfortunately very common and you're going to need to develop thicker skin to not take it personally. Some people are downright ignorant and will only bother with people who are sufficiently high up in the food chain. Some other people are genuingly busy, dizzy, preocupied, in a rush, and genuingly don't notice you even if you do notice them. I agree that if you're going to share something in common with these people for the next 5 years a mere hello shouldn't be too much to expect, but like I said, some people are just rude. All you can do is continue being polite and civil and in time you might even make a friend or two!

thisisyesterday · 01/04/2011 13:52

so OP... do they ignore you when you say hello?

or do you not say hello?
if so, then maybe the problem is that you are expecting other people to always greet you but never ever doing it to them?

maybe they think you are blanking them?

AllTheGoodOnesAreTaken · 01/04/2011 13:53

Oh and if there's one thing that I can't stomach is when these ignoring busybodies who have blanked others for months suddently grace you with a glance and a smile and you're there thinking 'OMG is she saying hello??? to me???? to mere mortal me??? Is she really coming my way?? Is she going to talk to me??? OMG she's smiling!! Yes! She's coming....'
'Oh...'
'She just wanted my contribution for the teacher's Christmas present...'

maggiethecat · 01/04/2011 14:16

Or wants to rope you in on some fundraising effort which Miss Ever So Important happens to be involved with at the time.

AllTheGoodOnesAreTaken · 01/04/2011 14:26

Exactly

ChristinaEliopolis · 01/04/2011 14:40

We have a 'Queen Bee' in my youngest's class who only speaks to certain people. She is quite new to the school and I am aghast at how quickly she took over the role. I mean, I am very confident (too old to care what people think ) but the FIRST conversation I ever had with her, she was peering over my shoulder to see if someone better was around. I was amazed - how sure of yourself must you be to be blanking friendly parents when you are new to the area?

She doesn't drive though and, as we live out in the countryside, I get lots of pleasure from driving past her at the bus stop as she waits for the bus into town.

Some people have very poor social skills

ChristinaEliopolis · 01/04/2011 14:47

My tip (and someone else said it upthread, too)- go later. I get a bit bored with it, although exceptions are made if the weather is nice, so I just swan in at the end with lots of smiles and hellos, grab and go. I have friends in the playground so will stop for a minute with them but never take it amiss if some people play hot and cold silly buggers. I'll say it again - poor social skills

smokeybacon · 01/04/2011 14:58

If you acknowledge EVERY parent in the playground that you know, you'd all need to be there for an hour before collecting your DC, surely? I simply don't have time to spend chatting to every other mother. Some days I will chat to one, then another the next. Its impossible to spread my love to all everyday . Plus the playground is pretty large so the one mother I speak to today maybe over the other side or occupied with her other DC the next and there is no chance to even say hello. Consistency would be just too time consuming.

bibbitybobbityhat · 01/04/2011 15:59

I blanked everyone but one person in the playground today, and I couldn't avoid her.

But I am depressed, tired, dirty, unkempt, wearing scruffy clothes, having a very bad, sad day.

Other times I will be perfectly cheerful and glad to chat to people.

shesparkles · 01/04/2011 16:05

Just ignore!

When my ds was at pre-school there was a mum who would speak to you if none of "her crowd" were there then literally turn her back mid sentence when one of them turned up...she did it to me ONCE, and never again-she didn't get a second chance-how bloody rude are some people!

ninah · 01/04/2011 17:20

bibbibty sorry you are having such a bad day

Original poster

TooTiredToArgue · 01/04/2011 18:46

Yes, bibbity, sorry you've had a bad day.

Thisisyesterday - if I catch someone's eye, I do always try to say 'hello' or at least smile. As for dog woman, I give her my cold smile or just steer well clear of her. Her loss, obviously

ChristinaEliop - love the idea of you driving past Queen Bee at bus stop. There's a woman like that at my school. She's so insincere it's ridiculous.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 01/04/2011 18:49

ahh ok, wasn't sure if it was TOTAL blanking or just them not saying hello iyswim

so um, yanbu (even tho this isn't in aibu)

giveitago · 01/04/2011 19:01

Gabid - again your observations are correct.

I had a mum whom I knew well - thought she was ok until I bumped into her with a another mummy friend - well you wouldn't know I was there to the point her own husband was looking uncomfortable.

Nowt like folk.

charmum3 · 01/04/2011 19:18

aarrrgggghhhh don;t you get so annoyed when parents behave like children? one woman at school is like this, this time she's ignoring a group of us that went for a coffee??? who knows, i love the social inyeraction of the school run, ideas sharing etc.... i have made some real friends in the playground, and if the odd person gets the funnies hey hoxxx

ChristinaEliopolis · 01/04/2011 19:37

Bibbity I feel really mean now - I didn't mean people who are having a horrible time and not wanting to socialise. So sorry you are having a rough time at the moment.

gabid · 01/04/2011 20:55

I just organised DS's 6th birthday party and had 3 invites unanswered, I see the mums around the playground most days but they don't seem to bother to come and say yes or no to the invite? Odd? One DD told DS that she can't come and only then her mum told DH why - would she have bothered otherwise? I always try to reply to invites as soon as possible either way because people want to plan and prepare. But not replying at all, I find that very rude? Do any of you do that, and if so why?

Pinkcushion · 01/04/2011 21:48

I blank the woman in the playground who only ever talks to you when she wants something, otherwise she sees through you. I get enormous pleasure from playing it right back at her.
This cow has made so many people feel like shit about themselves and wonder what they've done to piss her off, when it's not them it's her....and I don't give a shit whether she might be depressed - I never expected a chat - just a nod of recognition would have been sufficient.

mediumbubba · 01/04/2011 22:03

I don't understand the non replies to parties thing. I think some people are just not so eager to please perhaps?

gabid · 01/04/2011 22:15

Why eager to please. If someone invites you don't you answer? Say yes, I will come or no, I can't?

Original poster

TooTiredToArgue · 02/04/2011 08:05

Gabid, I'm with you on the party invites thing. I think not replying is just plain rude. Things like that drive me mad, actually. So little effort required...

OP posts:

skewiff · 02/04/2011 11:05

How can you smile and say 'hello' to absolutely everyone everyday????

Gosh, I hope no one thinks I'm blanking them at DS's nursery. But I must be sometimes.

When you say hello to someone you often end up in a little conversation - then lots of mums and dads walk past and you can't say 'hello' to them whilst you're talking - can you?

This is something I've never thought about before

everlong · 02/04/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggiethecat · 02/04/2011 16:22

Smokeybacon and Skewiff, I think you miss the point. Blanking does not suggest not stopping and having a chat. It's things like walking past and avoiding eye contact (you know when it's being done) or smiling which really takes no time. Body language says a lot.

BooToYouToo · 02/04/2011 17:20

TBH I usually make the effort to smile and chat to anyone on their own but by the end of term I can't be bothered to make any more small talk so then I do tend to home in on friends I know well.

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