Thinking of skipping reception year....can't be the only ones surely?

[kitmil]

Hi

We have 4.2 year old twins. They've been at home since birth with mummy always around, and often daddy too (self-employed, work from home, flexible sort of thing). We've had a couple of fab au pairs in the past which has worked brilliantly. They recently attended a nursery for a couple of weeks but we pulled them out as one was clearly not ready emotionally, and we were also concerned that they were going to learn behaviours that we consider unacceptable (screaming, shouting, standing on tables etc.). Also noticed that on busy days they were often left to their own devices without being properly supervised (not necessarily through fault of the key workers). We feel that this age is still too young to attend nursery or school and are now considering skipping the reception year entirely - we want them to enjoy learning and finding out about things in their own way, and can't understand why it's so important to start reading and writing at such a young age, even if most of the activities in reception year are still play-based (which also begs the question 'what is the point of a reception year then' - seems to be about convenience for parents). We're finding that people think we're a bit odd, and are being told that the twins will 'miss out' on a year's learning, but quite frankly we find that completely ridiculous. Why is the emphasis on getting kids into school at the earliest possible opportunity? They'll learn to read and write in their own time. Is there anyone out there who feels the same way?

I was horrified about the idea of DS in Big School up until 3m before he went - but by the time his admissions time came round I was surprised how ready he was, and how well the Early Years foundation curriculum suited him. But they weren't heavy on reading and writing - it was gentle and play based. It was a good starting ppint for the much more 'cranked up' Yr 1 approach in KS1.

Anyway, in our borough of you waited until yr 1 for admission you wouldn't get a place except in a failing school miles away, because all the plaes would have been taken up at Reception stage.

"! started school before I was 5 and that was before the 1970s"

So did I. I started school in the early 1960s at the age of 4.

me 3

Spain

I would be worried about your children being emotionally ready to start school in year 1 if they still have been at home with mummy and daddy and not been in a formal setting.

A lot of what children get from reception is learning how to interact with other children and learn how to sit still for short periods that gradually increase easing them into year 1.

If your children have no experience of the formality of school by going to nursery or reception I can't see how them being older is going to make a difference. And saying behaviour that you find acceptable is a bit silly IMO - DS knows exactley what is acceptable because we have taught him what is and what isn't - surely you would trust your children to take direction from you and not just to copy peers behaviour when they know it is wrong?

I only know one child at DS's school that didn't go into reception and his verbal skills are lacking as is his ability to interact age appropriately with his peers - it is a very different relationship you have with a sibling in a family environment that that which you have with a group of friends at school - you learn so much even at playtime, sharing, being part of a group and understanding other's personalities.

Please think seriously about this and stop acting as though people send their kids to school at a perfcetly normal time in their lives are doing it for their own ends.

I think a difficult lesson for many children when they first start school is having to share an adult's attention and taking turns with other children.

sharbie Thu 24-Mar-11 15:10:54
"dd was born 4 weeks early on 29/8 with major health issues - she was born 3 days before the cut off point for her year.she has been absolutely fine and always at the top end of all of her classes."

Sharbie - thank you, thank you, thank you! My ds was born in very similar sounding circumstances to yours, ie being prem taking him into the previous school year, and I have been worried about him starting this september just a few days after his 4th birthday. To hear of children like him who have had positive outcomes is such a relief. Good luck to your dd for her GCSEs, hope all goes well.

And to the OP. Reception year is the only year in their education where they really get to play and have fun all the time. Why deny them that? They'll have a ball and you will get to meet loads more new friends too. Schools are quite often little hubs of the community. You may be surprised how much you enjoy them being part of it too.

OP I think you've been getting some unnecessary stick on this thread. Have you actually considered home education? I plan to HE my DS and agree with a lot of the points you have raised. I'd recommend taking a look at the HE threads, where people will actually listen to your concerns rather than call you "smug and arrogant".

FWIW actually children don't "legally" have to start school when they're 5, they just have to be being educated.

Also if you did decide to HE for a year or two I certainly don't think you'd have any trouble getting places at school for them later on.

bonker - my ds was 6 weeks early, born 9th August, should have been middle of September. He was also pretty poorly, spent 2 months in hospital and always seemed way behind his peers. I was worried sick about him starting school.

He started last September at 4 and a few weeks and has loved it - he started mornings only but very quickly went to full time at his own request. He's doing very well with letters and numbers, writing not so great but he has always struggled with his fine motor skills. But he is just like the other kids and you would really not know that he was so young (and prem!). Does help that his school split reception into two classes by age though, so the oldest ones in his class have April birthdays.

Don't know if the outcome will be the same as Sharbie's dd but he is doing much better than I could ever have hoped so far - good luck with your own ds!

If you want to wait until Y3 then there shouldn't be an issue with getting a place (not normally so easy in KS1 depending on location) but that is 4 years of HE to plan for.

sevendwarves: they'll get places; trouble is they might not get any choice and there may not be 2 places together. It's not that uncommon for your only option being an undersubscribed school in the next borough. I'm guessing the OP might have difficulty with that scenario.

I started school aged 3 in 1969. I was in Year 1 a year later, in 1970.

although of course it is entirely up to you what you do -

you don't seem to have given nursery a proper chance - by 'emotionally ready' do you mean that the chid was upset all day and not joining in? some kids do that at first, but get along as soon as they realise it can be fun. by learning bad behaviour - do you mean they were being naughty ? that is something that would settle down hopefully too - if the nursery was any good.

i mised first year reception as a kid - and started already knowing how to read & write - but i found it difficult to mix socially with kids who'd been together for a year. maybe i would have anyway - who knows? so i thought i'd do the same and skip reception, thought i wouldn't send them. but DD was late to talk, so off to nursery she went aged 3 ! Quite a change of heart.

• and what a good decision! it has been the making of her. she talks. she has friends. she calls some of them her 'best friends' and says she 'loves' them (never did this at home before) although she did some naughty things (biting and pinching) - she also learned this was wrong.

i have put her down for a truly fantastic primary and i hope she gets in - though she'll start on half days.

you are treating this as an all-or-nothing choice, and it isn't - because you can work with the school over how much they attend.

I don't want my kids (also twins) to go to school in September mainly because 1) I know they will be knackered and 2) I like being with them. If only reception were four hours a day... pick them up at one. It would be perfect. For that reason, I am thinking of deferringing for a term and having a january entry (just before they turn five). However, I would then use that term to do things we can't do in school time ie travel for a couple of weeks at a time and also make sure we are still signed up for lots of groups (like music, swimming, ballet etc) and play dates. The good thing about twins is that they have each other which I do think makes delayed entry a little easier. At least I hope so...

Also, as I have had the luxury of time, my philosophy of child care has been don't bother to get the kids to do things until they are absolutely ready. Stops a fight and they tend to enjoy themselves more. One of my children will really struggle with long hours (the school we are likely to get into will not do part time or flexi time) and it will affect the rest of the time we spend together in the week.

As for the nursery, OP. I sent mine at three and a half for the first time for two days. They loved it. (they find three days too much though, tiredness). Our experience is nothing like the experiences you describe. The teachers are excellent at intervening when there is fighting or trouble between kids and also discussing appropriate behaviour with them. I looked at quite a few nurseries until I found one that suited our needs. Like you I would have walked away from the one you found. But there might be others out there that are more appropriate, if you ask around?

(I didn't want to send them. But I'm a single mother and wanted some time off. And I actually think it's good for them. They enjoy it. They are doing things that I don't do with them. It is a safe environment in which to learn new things).

kattyo, are you aware of the changes to the admissions code? www.dcsf.gov.uk/sacode/. See point 2.69.

I don't know anyone who has tried this with a school, but might be worth a go, it's your right and all that. Assuming David Cameron et al haven't changed it.

We home ed too; I knew I wanted to try it, but even my ex - who wasn't especially keen on the idea long term was fine with us saying we'd delay entry to formal ed until 6/7ish.

(DD is 6 in a week and we have no plans to change it as home ed is working out fine for all of us :) )

Where we live ds would have missed out on reception completely if we had stuck with state schooling - summer birthday so would have started straight in yr 1. I am glad he went to reception privately. More structured than his nursery and less of a leap up to yr 1 than if he had missed out on reception or stayed at nursery.

If your children are always with you then how do they learn to socialise with other children? I know ds's behaviour is different when I'm not around.

Ds was in reception from 8.50am to 3.20pm from the off. First couple of weeks he was tired but soon settled down.

Reception isn't all about play. A big part of it is learning to socialise with other children and following rules - eg bells for lessons, separate lessons lots of things that nurseries don't have.

Ds started in reception at 4.2. He was born prem and developmentally delayed. We had to complete a detailed profile for the school so they knew exactly what he could and couldn't do and what his limitations were.

please don't move to scotland, OP.

Was talking to someone yesterday who HE'd until her son was yr4, she seems to think he settled in fine to regular school now.

OP has disappeared? I do think OP is mad, but your kids, your choices.

i tend to think the OP is a chap, too, btw. posts had a mansplain-y feel.

If the children at one particular nursery are running riot, then you can look for a better run nursery.

Children of 4yo in Nursery will be covering exactly the same Early Years Foundation Stage curriculum as Reception Class at school.

In our school Reception is actually called Foundation class, because the class gives the children the foundation upon which the rest of their primary school education is based.

I would be interested to hear from the OP about the steps that they as parents are planning to take in order to ensure their children are emotionally equipped to start school (whether in Reception on Y1).

I think you are right OP.

Keep the Au pairs and skip the schools. The au pairs will hoover your house aswell so you have a better deal. (well, since you want to talk about 'convenience' )

You would fit perfectly in the Dutch school system but that doesn't help you much. I think that given that you are in the UK, you are better off to have your kids entering reception as they learn about how schools work and quite close friendships are established. They are all in the same boat in reception. It may not be ideal but it is the society we live in. I had similar concerns with dd but given that we are in the UK she entered reception and she absolutely loves it, has lots of friends and have learnt lots. I would just bite the bullet and go with the flow.

"Was talking to someone yesterday who HE'd until her son was yr4, she seems to think he settled in fine to regular school now." Yes, as I said, my older dd did as well. It took about two weeks. School is not a difficult thing for the average child of 7/8/9 to adapt to without any previous experience.

I really don't get this idea that all children have to be broken in to school ways at an early age or they won't take to it. If it is really that difficult for them to adapt - which it is for some children - surely that proves school is not well suited to the child. In that case, sending the child when he is younger and even more immature would not have made settling in any easier.

The fact that four year olds can find school hard to get used to does not mean that an older child with no previous experience of formal education would struggle just as much. There is a big difference between a four year old and an older child with life experience. They don't just remain stuck at the same developmental age if they don't go to school.

Trust me, most of the older children I know who haven't been to school have excellent social skills. Those who haven't are the ones who would never have been happy at school. Sending a child who is, say, on the autistic spectrum to school when he is little does not turn him into an average child. In many cases it simply makes him stressed.

The idea that the OP's twins won't learn to wait their turn and share adult attention without school is one I find downright bizarre. Who could be getting more practice at sharing stuff and adult attention at home than a twin??

I don't get the idea that you don't learn to socialise if you don't go to nursery/school at such a young age either. There are plenty of opportunities for children and adults to do so outside of formal education. And plenty of social norms to learn without needing things like bells, separate lessons etc to learn that normal everyday life has structure to it whether or not you follow a routine based lifestyle or not.

Having taught (mostly) reception for over 20 years I'd say that it IS your choice, but to bear in mind some of the good advice you've been given on here.

I've found that children who don't ever attend any type of pre-school ( even if it's only a couple of mornings a week) struggle with being left in school by their parents, struggle with knowing how to behave in the school situation (tidying up, sitting down with everyone else, hanging up a coat etc) and struggle to get on with other children.

We have a set of boy twins in Year R at the moment who didn't attend pre-school and they've found it so hard. We're half way through the year now and they still cry and whinge over everything that they can't get their own way over - like waiting their turn to play in the role play area, or on the computer. Social skills like this are part of life and they are plenty old enough at nearly 5 to cope with the majority of things that we throw at them in school. We are professionals and believe it or not, we care very much about the children in our classes. We don't spend 6 hours a day with them without getting to know them very well and wanting the very best for them.

Personally, I'd be sending them - I think they'll surprise you with how well they cope. I've heard the same thing a million times from parents - how surprised and pleased they are that the child they thought would never cope (for many of the reasons you've given) is happy, settled, loves coming to school and is learning.

Perhaps it is about you and your DP - what were your school experiences like?