Thinking of skipping reception year....can't be the only ones surely?

[kitmil]

Hi

We have 4.2 year old twins. They've been at home since birth with mummy always around, and often daddy too (self-employed, work from home, flexible sort of thing). We've had a couple of fab au pairs in the past which has worked brilliantly. They recently attended a nursery for a couple of weeks but we pulled them out as one was clearly not ready emotionally, and we were also concerned that they were going to learn behaviours that we consider unacceptable (screaming, shouting, standing on tables etc.). Also noticed that on busy days they were often left to their own devices without being properly supervised (not necessarily through fault of the key workers). We feel that this age is still too young to attend nursery or school and are now considering skipping the reception year entirely - we want them to enjoy learning and finding out about things in their own way, and can't understand why it's so important to start reading and writing at such a young age, even if most of the activities in reception year are still play-based (which also begs the question 'what is the point of a reception year then' - seems to be about convenience for parents). We're finding that people think we're a bit odd, and are being told that the twins will 'miss out' on a year's learning, but quite frankly we find that completely ridiculous. Why is the emphasis on getting kids into school at the earliest possible opportunity? They'll learn to read and write in their own time. Is there anyone out there who feels the same way?

A good reception class can be an amazingly life-enhancing experience for a child. It is play-based, but they're not just mooching around, it's really thoughtfully structured to introduce them to key concepts - my dd's class did things like make 3-D mazes to learn about mathematical language, plant seeds, go on lots of trips, wonderful project work, all fab stuff. And at the same time they're learning about being at school, how to take turns, line up, not shout out straight away, perform assemblies in front of bigger children, persevere when they can't immediately do something, ask for help when they need it or give help to other children, all essential skills.

Yes of course kids can learn these things outside school, and if you want to home-ed them then that's what you will be doing with them, no doubt. But if you want them to go to school in Y1, then it makes no sense to deprive them of the slow introduction to school in YR, as they'll find Y1 much tougher. Assuming that you can get a place for Y1 in a good school, as most will have filled up their places with dc moving up from reception.

I think you need to decide whether school is for you at all, or whether you really want to home-ed or go for an alternative school system like steiner or montessori.

It sounds to me that your opinion has been coloured by a bad experience at nursery. My daughter is July born and went to two different preschools (we moved house) and is now in year 6. Both preschools were excellent and I never came across the type of behaviour you have described. She was ready for school by the September, but our LEA have a policy of starting the January - August children in January, so she only had two terms in reception. She is one of the brightest in her class and recently passed the entrance exam for a highly regarded grammar school withou needing extra tuition.

As others have pointed out, all school places are allocated for a reception intake, so unless two children leave the school you won't get a place at your preferred choice. You can, however, ask for a deferred entry into reception, after Christmas say.

Reading between the lines are you considering HE for your children for their best interests or your own?

For the record, I started school in 1962, and the reception class took rising fives even then.

The nursery sounded crap.

Reception is as much about gaining social skills as it is about academia. At school, regardless of what age they go, regardless of how wonderful the school is, your children will witness undesireable behaviours. However, they will learn quickly not to copy and to become self-disciplined. It's called emotional maturity - it's not healthy for a child to turn to an adult for help/intervention every time they encounter a social problem (nasty lesson we all learn with our PFBs ).

Legally, your children don't have to be in education unitl the term after their 5th birthday.

If you want your children to go to school, accept a reception place at your chosen school, then send them part-time. I knew a few parents of summer-borns who did this until Easter.

You may need to bear in mind that you may not get your choice of school if they go straight into year1 , and with two possibly not the same school for both. Apply anyway and if needs be defer the places for a January/ April start.

Hi kitmil, I'm sure your children will thrive without Reception. You're happy that they are getting what they need now and you sound fairly sure the current arrangement will still suit them next year.

As you may have concluded by now, if you want to remain on speaking terms with parents of schoolchildren you may want to explain your decision to give Reception a miss in a slightly different way! Remember too that even if the person you are talking to hasn't personally sent a four year old to school, there is a good chance that their brother, best friend or aunt has. There aren't very many people to whom you can say what you've said here without risk of giving offence. Here are a few phrases which might work better:

"All children are different and I felt this is what would suit mine."
"I didn't feel they needed Reception. I'm sure they'll be fine."
"They didn't seem ready yet."

Enjoy your time with your children!

If they're 4.2yrs already then you've probably already missed the deadline for applications anyway.

There's a certain irony in complaining about parents arranging things for their own convenience while mentioning that you've had several au pairs and a dh who works from home. Nothing to do with convenience for parents eh?

There's nothing wrong with skipping reception if you feel that's what your children need. Personally I've found that the reception year has been very good for my own children but obviously not all children are the same.

What a patronising and insulting OP!

All 3 of my DC started FT in Reception the term after they turned 4, and all 3 thrived on it. None of them ever stood on tables screaming, and I wouldn't stand for children doing that in my nursery class either!

Reception is all about learning how to "do" school IYSWIM, ie how to share, take turns, self care, sit and listen, contribute to class discussions etc. If you are sure that they will be able to go into Year 1 without any problems in those areas, then I'm sure they will be fine. Do bear in mind what others have said about getting a place at the school that you want though.

Personally (as a mum of 2 summer boys and an experienced TA) I'd never advise skipping the reception year as imo I think it would be really hard for your twins to adapt to the pace and work of year 1 without having the school experience.
Reception or foundation2 is (to me) a fundamental part of a childs experience as it where children begin to learn the social and academic structure of school in a safe an unthreatening environment. Activities should be mainly practical and play based and a lot of time will be spent on developing the social skills that are necessary to cope with school life.

You could move to Scotland as the school starting age is later. Jan and Feb born children can be deferred a year yet still start at the beginning.

Changes were made to the school admissions code from Sept 2011 stating that a child can have deferred entry and part time hours if the parents request it though the child must still start before the end of the academic year. Not sure if the new govt have changed this though.

You have missed the boat anyway if you haven't applied for a place from September. If you have, why not request that they start later in the year, from Jan 2012 p/t?

Have you tried a Montessori nursery, that might suit you better.

You do sound a bit precious about the whole thing I'm afraid.

Is it really about education or about your own fear of letting go and losing control?

Incidentally, I have a friend who decided to "home educate" her twin boys because she felt that they weren't "school shaped" and would struggle to sit still. They both go to school now, but have found it hard a) because they received very little education at home and b) they didn't know how to behave and socialise with lots of other children.

I've found that foundation stage has been a really good foundation for my DD now that she's gone into yr 1.
I was actually gutted that she had to start school at all and it would have been easier for me to keep her home with me. Homeschooling crosses my mind a lot. But, realising that it's a need in me and maybe not what's best for my DD, she's been going to school. It still maybe wouldn't take much for me to pull her out of school and have her at home, but as it is - she's thriving.
That nursery just sounds crap.

If you want to get your DC into a good school you are putting that at risk by leaving it until Yr 1. I considered it for my DS1 as he is a late July baby, young for his age and would only have been 4 and 6 weeks at the beginning of term. The head of the school we wanted him to go to said we could but she couldn't guarantee him a place. Since it was both an outstanding school and next door to us we didn't want to risk him having to go elsewhere. No doubt you would get your DC in somewhere but you would give up your right to chose which school.

As it happens he settled in from day 1 and throughly enjoyed his year at school. As others have said it is more than just a year of playing - the children get a lot out of it. Some children learn to read and write 'in their own time', most need some teaching which is what they get at school in Yr R.

You sound like you are being a little bit PFB about all this and a little bit rude. I was a SAHM for my children's early years - sending them to school wasn't for my convenience at all. I was still at home with DS2 when DS1 went to school. It made no difference to me if I was looking after one or both of them.

The more I think about this the more I think this is more about you, OP and not about your DC. Going from having 2 at home to none, even if you had help and didn't have to do all the work in the first place, will seem very strange I am sure. I suspect that is why you didn't try another nursery after the terrible one your DC went to in the first place, at least for the twin that was mature enough to cope, if not for the one that wasn't.

I suspect you are right Niecie. This is what happened with my friend.

I wonder where the OP has got to?

I suspect we may have frightened her off.

She should have posted on the home education topic. She would have got more replies to her liking.

In Scotland the system is different & many children do not go to school until well after they have turned 5 - there is more flexibility on holding them back and many of my friends have done that, in fact nurseries often advise it. My twins (boys) were born May, went to state nursery school for 2.5 hours daily from age 3.5 and went to school the September after their 5th birthday. They did very little formal reading and writing before school because their nursery majored on play and creative stuff (both could write their name but that was about it) but have flourished ever since. They were v keen to go to school when the time came. Other countries are not nearly so hung up on early formal schooling as we are and I think that approach has many merits.

Have you considered Steiner education? It sounds as though it might be quite a good fit for your children based on what you've said.

I feel these children may never leave home......35 year olds not allowed out in case they see things the parents don't approve of!! LOL sorry but the reasons you gave scream of controlling, unhealthy parenting. I'm hoping you just worded it badly OP.

of course you can overthink all of this ....

Would sort of agree with you if it was a case of starting reception a year later. But the only option is to start the term after the 5th birthday, thus missing reception not deferring it. Therefore my (summer born) DS will go to reception in September as I don't want him to miss the first introduction to concepts of school e.g. sitting still for a few minutes, listening to others, making friends, taking self off to the loo, etc etc. Nothing at all to do with academic learning at that stage imo.

Where has op gone??

Personally speaking, reception was the making of DD and I can't wait for DS to have an equally rewarding experience. It wasn't about the learning but the socialisation.

But every child is different....

I really do agree with your sentiment that it is too early for them to start reading/ writing. My ds1 was 5 in Nov (so not one of the young ones) and is struggling with Reception. I've found it really emotionally difficult. (I have twins too but they're still only 2, thank goodness). It's difficult for him because he misses me a lot, he gets very tired in the pm (he napped till around 3.5, at 4 he still napped about 50% of the time, then always had 'quiet time' in the afternoon), he really struggles with the structure of school (our life at home is quite 'free and unstructured'), his fine motor skills and writing are well behind a lot of other kids who have been 'encouraged' to do these things more at home - which in turn has damaged his confidence.

I'm glad he is there though, as it is a lot of play, but still some learning - so a kind of gentle way in. I think personally, if we had kept him home and spared him the pain of this year, that going into year 1 would have been awful for him - in terms of settling into a school routine and coping with lots of other children. The main things I feel he is learning are:

• structure. How to sit still when necessary and listen, when to run around.
• the basics of reading and writing, which he will require by Year 1 (or he'd feel really awful)
• teamwork eg. tidying up all together
• social skills such as how to stick up for himself (we are also teaching him this at home, because it is a requirement of survival!) eg. telling the teacher if someone says what he has done is rubbish or saying it is not rubbish, I like it. And the latest is, how if someone is doing something wrong you don't need to copy it.

It's a hard world out there. It's not going to get easier. (Unless maybe you can afford something like Steiner). It's hard watching the learn these lessons, but I think if you start now in a gentle way then it doesn't come in one 'big bang' as it were.

on a slightly different note to most of the other posts...

ds1 missed most of reception year.

We moved to a new area in the september of the year he would have started, and there were no places available at any nearby primary schools. his birthday is late june, so no legal requirement for him to be in school til then, and as it turned out, it was just a week or 2 before his birthday that a place came up at a local primary. so he only did 6 weeks or so there.

didn't make any difference to his education (he's now year 5) at all, and plenty of kids move in and out of school at other times than the standard entry points... so i really don't think there's any reason to be especially concerned about it.

That's really interesting mrsravelstein. Did you do anything with him at home? Could he do reading and writing? Or did he just catch up quickly? What did you do to get him in contact with other kids or was he on his own at home a lot?