Thinking of skipping reception year....can't be the only ones surely?

[kitmil]

Hi

We have 4.2 year old twins. They've been at home since birth with mummy always around, and often daddy too (self-employed, work from home, flexible sort of thing). We've had a couple of fab au pairs in the past which has worked brilliantly. They recently attended a nursery for a couple of weeks but we pulled them out as one was clearly not ready emotionally, and we were also concerned that they were going to learn behaviours that we consider unacceptable (screaming, shouting, standing on tables etc.). Also noticed that on busy days they were often left to their own devices without being properly supervised (not necessarily through fault of the key workers). We feel that this age is still too young to attend nursery or school and are now considering skipping the reception year entirely - we want them to enjoy learning and finding out about things in their own way, and can't understand why it's so important to start reading and writing at such a young age, even if most of the activities in reception year are still play-based (which also begs the question 'what is the point of a reception year then' - seems to be about convenience for parents). We're finding that people think we're a bit odd, and are being told that the twins will 'miss out' on a year's learning, but quite frankly we find that completely ridiculous. Why is the emphasis on getting kids into school at the earliest possible opportunity? They'll learn to read and write in their own time. Is there anyone out there who feels the same way?

I think you should delay your children going to school for as long as poss - for the reason that I can just imagine what you will put their poor teacher at the start/end of every day!!
Good Luck

Bear in mind that not all schools start with full-time hours.

At my son's school all summer-born children start on half-days - they're out by 11:50. They only go to full days after Christmas - later, if they're deemed not ready.

My dd will be 4.3 when she starts reception in September and I agree with you that it's young to start formal education though it does seem that the formal bits are only in 20 minute blasts and most of it is play-based. Most other countries in Europe don't start children in school till 6 and research rejected by the government last year supports this. So I completely understand your sentiment and share it on many levels. But for me, I'd rather my dd fitted in from the start and I would worry about keeping her out. I know she'll love it although I'm worried the full timeness of it will wear her out. In terms of being exposed to antisocial behaviour, I do think this is part of life and that a solid foundation at home will prevent them from adopting those behaviours - I wonder if being over-protective from real life could be more problematic long term. Part of growing up, even at a young age, is to get used to co-existing with all sorts of different people and part of the job of parents is to mediate this and help them forge their own values.

But I think youv'e been given a bit of a hard time here. It's hard for all of us to let go of our babies and expose them to real life with all its imperfections. But they'll be fine - the most important thing whether they goto reception or not is that the love and support of their family will give them the security to get on in life wherever they're doing it.

Good luck with your decision.

Mrsravelstein - we may be in same position as you as we are trying to move and risk not getting a school place. I've had in mind that worse comes to worse she can stay at nursery as she's not 5 till end June 2012. Would also love to hear bit more about how it went for you. Sorry to hijack OP but hopefully answer will also be helpful to you. How old is your dc now MrsR?

If you want to have the choice you will need to get your skates on as in many school areas they would start this coming september, and otherwise in Jan, and in many cases the application process is already underway or complete.
The nursery you quote sounds v odd - sounds more like very badly run day care than nursery school, which is quite different.
I don't know what steps you have to take in order to keep children out of school past their 5th birthday - I don't think it is as simple as just not pitching up, but presumably you could establish a home schooling route.

However, it may not be all that simple to just pitch up on year 1, either in terms of accessing the optimal school place, nor on your children settling in. Part of the aim of reception, apart from starting on reading, writing, maths etc is getting used to the routine, how life is different when the adults are operating 1:10/15/20 etc rather than the home-based 1:2 (in the case of your twins), working independently, realising that you can't have all the airtime, how to deal with multiple peer to peer interactions etc. I think this is the biggest hurdle to deal with - in many ways I think the academic side of things is, if anything, more easily dealt with at home (assuming one has the luxury of time) and much of my son's acadmics come from there, but I can't provide the rest.

Reception isn't just somewhere to park children in the run up to school; it is an integral part of their education and if done well can give them an excellent base and segue into the grittier, content-driven curriculum for year 1.

I guess the key message is to go and visit your local schools, see what you think about what they have to offer, and discuss what their turnover of places is to see what your chances of getting the place you want in class 1 really is.

Recently moved to an area and I had to place a reception child. I had a job finding a school with a place, let alone 2.

I don't think you sound odd or smug, you just seem to want what is best for your children's particular situation. Despite it being an unpopular opinion, I agree with you and think that the school starting age and hours seem to have been decided for the convenience of parents. I don't mind so much the starting age, though I think age 4 is very young to be starting "proper school", but I think the hours are way, way too long for a four, five or even six year old.

Having said that I do think children benefit from attending Reception. Mine started several months late, due to surgery and recuperation, but slotted in very quickly and made friends. But I think if she had missed the entire year she would have found it quite difficult because they have learnt quite a few things, mainly social skills, in the Reception year.

Personally I'm concerned that my lovely dd will start speaking estuary English. Should I keep her home? No way. I don't work (much) though am a teacher. Reception is so important. I can assure you that there are loads of parents who will dread their darlings meeting children like yours - we all like to think our children are special - but they'll all benefit hugely from the experience. It really isn't that bad.

And yes, being nosey would love to know why 2 at home parents need an au pair. I say this as a sometimes working mum of 4 with a dh who works away and with older children who still manage great gcses and are set for Oxbridge. From state schools no less.

"I think age 4 is very young to be starting "proper school", but I think the hours are way, way too long for a four, five or even six year old."

I think that depends on the child. DD was ready to start school at four and a half. She is an only child and we had just moved into the village so I didn't have a network of friends with children the same age, and we lived hundreds of miles away from both of our families. She enjoyed pre-school but was ready to move on to something more challenging, and school provides so much more than I ever could. She had dropped daytime naps by the time she was two and school didn't tire her out at all.

I agree that starting school earlier doesn't make our children any cleverer than those in the rest of Europe, but many children in other countries start their children at kindergarten at a very young age, so it isn't as if the children are still at home anyway.

I also think that there are some mums on here who don't realise that reception year children do mainly play based learning rather than formal learning. That starts in year one.

teapot and merrymarigold

to answer your questions:

no he couldn't read or write, but he caught up very quickly in yr 1, within a couple of months. during reception year he went to a local preschool 5 mornings a week for 3 hours which he enjoyed, and made a good friend there a year younger who is still his closest pal. in the afternoons we made biscuits, went to the cinema, played with power rangers, rewired plugs, watched cartoons, did the food shopping together and cooked supper, i'm not what you'd call a pushy mum . i was a single mum then - it was pretty idyllic really and some of the best times we've ever spent together.

he's now nearly 10 and his education has def not suffered for missing that year. as it turned out, he is dyslexic, which explained why i'd failed to teach him to read/write a single word, but school didn't pick that up for another 3 years, so it wouldn't have helped if he'd been there in reception.

if anything, the only person who missed out was me because although he fitted in very easily with the kids (despite being naturally quite a shy reserved child), it was VERY hard to join the cliquey mums at the school gates who had already known each other for a year...

hope that helps

Where I live, if you tried to join in year 1 you would have a choice of 4 schools across the borough, all of which are failing badly. All the reception classes are full. Unless you know the school you want will have vacancies in year 1, this is a really bad idea.
We started reception in Jan and it's been hard breaking into friendship groups, but ok. You could try asking about flexi schooling which some schools are prepared to work with - have them at home 1-2 days a week or in the afternoons.
The main thing they are learning at this point is how to be at school, sit quietly, line up, play together - and that is a huge thing to learn.

"Incidentally, I have a friend who decided to "home educate" her twin boys because she felt that they weren't "school shaped" and would struggle to sit still. They both go to school now, but have found it hard a) because they received very little education at home and b) they didn't know how to behave and socialise with lots of other children."

Alternatively, isn't it possible that your friend was right, and that her children would have had a hard time at school regardless of when they started?

I often hear stories of children starting school late and struggling to fit in. But maybe the reason they were sent late was because their parents correctly realised that school was not the right place for them. Sending them at a younger age would not necessarily have fixed this problem: it may just mean that the child would have had to cope with a difficult situation before they have the maturity to have any chance of succeeding. I once heard someone say, "People complain of my son's social skills as if home education had made him the way he is. Don't they realise that he isn't autistic because he's home educated, but rather he is home educated because he's autistic?"

On the flip side, I have known many children including my older daughter who have gone to school later than usual and found it very easy to adjust, because they were that little bit older. It is not actually all that difficult for the average child to learn to wait their turn, join in with large groups, and sit still... if they are mature enough when they start. The idea that this is going to be a huge culture shock is not well founded.

So I would argue that if a child start school at five and doesn't adapt, that doesn't mean he should have gone at four. That might have been an even bigger disaster. It either means he should wait until he is ready, maybe at six or seven, or not go at all, because school just isn't right for him.

One way of thinking about early years schooling is that it gets young learners to the point where they can then learn without being too concerned about the way in which learning takes place itself. Some of that is skills based (reading especially), but some of it is also social and environmental. At some point your DDs are going to need to learn to listen, co-operate with larger groups, appreciate routine and order imposed by adults within a broader community. These are key academic skills-necessary for the highest reaches of academia and for any learning with specialist teachers in large groups.

Whether you think they are ready and how you move them towards those skills is up to you, but I would suggest some practice in larger non-parental environments is going to be quite crucial. Your twins are going to be the among the oldest in their year, will have each other there, and really should be able to cope. Cutting them off further, especially if you implicitly teach them pity for the poor proles who have to work and so can't spend all day devoted to their suffering kids, isn't necessarily going to help.

Your somewhat smug and patronising 'viewpoint' may well change if DH's working from home was no longer possible, and he had a commute each day, like most of us. Oh, and if 'fab au pairs' weren't a possibility. People is glass houses, don't throw stones - springs to mind. I hope, for your family's sake, all is hunky-dory with YOUR kids' behaviour when they eventually do start school. Reception classes are generally lovely, caring, confidence-building environments for young children, lots of which will be younger than your two, by the way. Year 1, however, is a lot different. Shudder to think how some children would cope without having the 'easing in' process of Reception.

I wish the OP would come back, I really want to see what she has to say as it is an interesting & emotive subject. My DS was at home (we went to groups together) until 3.8 when he started nursery school halfway through the Summer term for 5 mornings a week. He then did a few weeks of full days before the holidays & started full time Reception just before his 5th birthday in September. He has developed hugely in behavioral terms - learning how to behave amongst others & had loads of fun. I could never have offered him this opportunity at home - to me it is learning how to make friendships that is key as it is difficult even for some adults! In my ideal world all the Mums I know would be at home with their DCs until they were about 6 and we would all have been able to meet up regularly & let our DCs play together. But in reality people want or need to go back to work so this model is not practical the best way for young kids to develop socially in England is through school - remember that in other places where children start school later eg Scandinavia, all the under 7s are still at home so they have plenty of opportunities to mix with their peers because they are all still around! In terms of learning my Reception DS has a Year 4 reading book this week, is on workbook 2 of Heinneman Maths & Year 2 comprehension work, so I don't think he needs to be there academically! However he is rubbish at cutting with scissors as I didn't realise the importance of this because I am not a trained teacher. Please find your twins the right school, they deserve it!

Coming to this late and have only read the OP but ime you would be crazy to miss out reception. It is such an important year in school.

Reading the OP, I got the impression that the poster was the dad, not the mum. I'd be interested to know if I'm right!

Thanks MrsRavelstein, that's interesting. I don't think it would be quite as idyllic in our house as we have twins too. But I do wish I could give him the afternoons 'off'. I'm not sure he's learning much then anyway as he's so tired he's just bouncing off the walls and disrupting everyone. It's certainly food for thought!

Just do whatever is best for your child. There is no reason for you to judge the choices of others within the context of your OP. The decisions people make for their children and their circumstances, are nowt to do with you.

I do feel sorry for those new to MN who get flamed for writing a post with a genuine question. No wonder they aren't coming back to post if they've already been branded in a Medieval ordeal by fire. Like Bramshott I too thought the poster might be a dad. Who knows? What this implies is that whoever jumps in to rubbish the OP is making basic assumptions and doesn't know the full story. What if they both work from home and need an au pair to look after their DCs? For instance, I'm freelance and would benefit enormously from this sort of help when am trying to concentrate on work.

As a genuine response, I would say that your children would benefit from Reception for all the reasons previously cited and that school is much, much more than learning to read or write. They will make good friends, learn through play, develop confidence and independence and learn to become decent members of society. The best teachers can guide them in ways even the most loving parents cannot always do (as they do not have the same emotional attachment) and a successful school often provides an important mirror to which the whole family can receive an education.

Don't leave it too late! Good luck.

... from which ...

I think the main worry for me in not sending dcs to reception is that year 1 seems to be straight into 'formal schooling' sitting at tables for longer working times, working quietly etc. Reception gives a good ease into school life and gives the children a bit of breathing space whilst they get used to the routines, expectations etc. I dont think there would be a huge problem academically missing reception, but school is about much more than academic learning.

I've just noticed the bit in the OP about reception being for the convenience of parents - that made me chuckle!

It's not true that school starting age hasn't got younger though. It has, at least a bit. I started in the early 1970s and our LEA started children in the Sept AFTER their fifth birthday. No-one started age 4 and some were rising 6.

I started school before I was 5 and that was before the 1970s