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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

my four year old cried tonight because of phonics...

28 replies

thefairies · 21/03/2011 22:42

... and now she's saying she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow! She loves school usually, so it is sad to see her so upset. I've tried reassuring her, saying me, her dad and her big sister (who's 6!) will help her, but the tears wouldn't stop.
Got to get up at 5.30am for a big all day meeting tomorrow, but I'm sure this will be on my mind rather than work.
Any suggestions, please (sorry I won't be able to respond myself until tomorrow evening).

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MavisEnderby · 21/03/2011 22:45

Was it homework related??

Borisismyhousespider · 21/03/2011 22:46

Ah, dd2 is a bit upset by phonics at the moment too, or rather for her, it's the teacher that teaches it, she want's to be in the other group apparently (and knowing her, it's the one that doesn't do much work, as she's lazy/crafty and really just doesn't want to be in reception at all, she's be 'much happier just playing mummy)
Maybe it's just the shock of starting to do 'proper' school work that's upsetting her? I hope she feels better about it tomorrow.

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 21/03/2011 22:49

I would bin the phonics and write a note for the teacher (or get someone to go in and explain).

No homework under the sun is worth having a small child in tears over.

I had this the other week with DD2 and a maths homework - and she's 9. She just wasn't getting it and it ended up in a howling session. Bags and pencils were thrown (By DD).

I went in the next day and told the teacher she'd found it hard and was really upset so I'd told her not to bother I'd sort it.

Turned out when I picked her up that loads of kids had had the same problem

MavisEnderby · 21/03/2011 22:54

With homework ds is a worrier and perfectionist.Usually he has no issues but the 2 time it has been we have had full on melodrama.After the first time of us both getting stressed and me shouting after extinguishing all options (bad mum) I decided to try a different tack.I told ds to leave the homework and we would talk to the teacher about him finding it hard.Cue lovely teacher giving me some slightly different homework and suggesting a different approach to doing the phonics stuff and reassuring ds it didn;t matter if he didn't "get" the homework immediately.

SarkyLady · 21/03/2011 22:55

Ds1 did this last year ... "I hate phonics".

It was all a big misunderstanding about nothing that was sorted out the next day :)

Original poster

thefairies · 21/03/2011 23:03

Ah, thanks for all your speedy and reassuring responses. No, it's not homework, it's school lesson phonics. I'm with you aon the homework thing though... think they are too little for it! Having said that, my eldest loved homework and we never pushed her. She's just naturally bright and loves learning. We know our youngest isn't as "bright" as her big sister was at four...but she's cheeky, outgoing and could charm the monkeys out of the trees (naturally, being one herself!). I'd better go to bed now so "speak" tomorrow :)

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 22/03/2011 08:52

She probably didn't cry 'because of phonics'. She probably cried because some tiny aspect of the phonics lesson wasn't handled well by the teacher.

I would just tell the teacher, and not worry about it.

rebl · 22/03/2011 09:55

I would tell the teacher and hopefully that will be the end of it.

askhfgaslkgsj · 22/03/2011 17:04

I think school phonics sessions go on too long and the children lose concentration. I asked a Reception teacher friend if they taught the 'Letters and Sounds' system and she replied,"When do we do anything else!" Tell your teacher what your child thinks about it, perhaps more feedback would make them change the system.

mrz · 22/03/2011 17:58

Askhfgaslkgsj a phonics session for a 4 year old should be about 15 mins

nannynick · 22/03/2011 18:23

Does she know the letter sounds?

Perhaps watching videos on www.mrthorne.com and playing games on www.starfall.com may help her gain confidence in learning the sounds.

Original poster

thefairies · 22/03/2011 18:39

Just got back home and I asked her how phonics was and she said it was easier today! I think you are right though Borisis myhouse spider (great name!) - she just doesn't like doing "proper" learning. She'd far rather play in a corner making up stories with toys - her imagination is amazing like that! I will take your advice ladies and tell the teacher and also look at the videos nannynick recommended. I think I wouldn't normally have stressed so much, but my eldest went through a hating school phase recently and I just wasn't expecting the little one to do the same as even at weekends she normally wants to go to school to play!

OP posts:

MrThorne · 22/03/2011 19:04

Definitely watch my videos at www.mrthornedoesphonics.com or my youtube channel www.mrthornedoesphonics.tv :) lots of child-friendly phonics videos to support young readers!

Mr T

MrThorne · 22/03/2011 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Mashabell · 23/03/2011 06:51

A thread like this always makes me feel very sorry for English-speaking children. I grew up in Lithuania and did not have to start learning to read till I was 7. Most Europeans start at 6 and have much better educational outcomes than the UK.

Here little mites of 4 have to start on the hardest thing that humans ever have to learn, and silly Mr Gove now wants to start testing their progress at 6. It's not surprising that a UN survey a couple of years ago found that British children are the most miserable in the world.

This madness is partly the result of the finding that early readers tend to do educationally better than those who start later. But children develop at different rates and are good at different things. With learning to read English being much harder than any other European language (look at www.EnglishSpellingProblems.blogspot. com if u want to know why), pushing those who are not yet reading-ready into formal phonics and making them miserable is, imo, extremely stupid. It's likely to turn many children off all learning for the rest of their lives.

Instead of phonics, young children who are still reluctant to start learning to read need extra fun with language and books, to help them become keen on learning to read. Masha Bell

TheSydenhamSet · 23/03/2011 07:09

totally agree with you, mashabell. children of this age should be playing. poor girl :(

mrsbiscuits · 23/03/2011 07:32

I think it all depends on how the teacher tackles phonics. DS1 loved his phonics lessons in reception as they were great fun and didn't seem like learning at all !

squidgy12 · 23/03/2011 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FreudianSlippery · 23/03/2011 09:35

Ah so she's having trouble adjusting to a more 'traditional' school day? That's a shame and other than rejecting the school system for a bit longer (ie HEing) I've no idea how to rectify that, as the plain fact is they have to get used to it. Unless there are other schools around with a different ethos (Montessori?)

If phonics is a problem though - how is her hearing? Reading is more about ears than eyes, just something to bear in mind in case she's having trouble understanding the sounds.

Original poster

thefairies · 23/03/2011 12:24

Her hearing is fine thanks, FreudianSlippery. We were concerned at one point, so got it checked out at the docs.

I agree with everyone who says children learn best through play and there shouldn't be any silly tests or homework when they are little - unless the child enjoys it and doesn't see it as "hard" learning. Once they build up to a certain level through play, then can move onto "harder" learning. They have many years ahead of them doing this, so I agree starting too soon can be detrimental.

I think what concerns me most is the fact many schools seem intent on reaching targets and often lost sight of the fact that children are individuals. Whereas some kids learn well however a lesson is approached, many more learn better if lessons are presented in a fun, stimulating environment. I recognise teachers have a tough job catering to everyone's needs, but I suspect the reason my daughter is struggling with phonics is because she's simply not finding the lessons fun...

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Borisismyhousespider · 28/03/2011 22:11

thefaries, glad your dd is finding it gradually better, dratted school targets, my elder dd loves school work too (hates weekends wants to go to school, surely can't be MY child ) but am in the same boat as you with the yonger one.

sageygirl · 28/03/2011 23:01

my DD is reluctant with phonics too. Says it's boring. Won't look at her books from school and refuses to call letters anything but their names (which the school was keen for her to learn last autumn, and she obligingly did). I think this is what has annoyed her. She was very proud of knowing the names of all her letters at Christmas but now school is all about letter sounds. She thinks it's all a big con and isn't going to join the party. She can read "the" and last week progressed to "and" and "to" so we are getting there slowly despite her lack of enthusiasm. She has got tearful when I tried to push the books too much but I've backed off now and she is happy for me to read to her again - provided I don't ask her to join in!

CornishTwinMoominMamma · 28/03/2011 23:18

Look Jolly Phonics up on youtube - there are lots of songs to help with learning the sounds and actions too. I have had to re-educate myself with this way of learning to read and I am a convert to it now. My children learn the sounds first and the names of the letters later. So far it seems to be going well...

mrz · 29/03/2011 06:36

sageygirl letter names are not normally taught until a child is secure in the phonemes in schools following a phonics approach to reading because letter names don't actually help with reading and spelling so she has a good right to feel annoyed. The school has got it badly wrong!

wheresthepimms · 29/03/2011 08:28

sageygirl have you tried any of the TAD videos, my kids love the way they sing "the A says a" etc my 4 year old is now running words together after a week travelling with it in the car, she doesn't start school till september and can see we may now have issues when she gets there but she is very confident in all her sounds and letter names now

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