What is gay?

[Supermumz]

DS aged 8 asked me the meaning of gay. Picked it from school I think.. What do I tell him? Do your kids know?

Yep.
At 8 there's no reason you can't give him a simple explination, the way you would with any other question. It's where boys can fall in love with boys and girls can fall in love with girls. Simple

Yes, DS(9) knows.Obv.

I hope that doesnt confuse him.. He still believes that its girlfriends for boys and boyfriends for girls..

Why on earth would it confuse him? Now is the best time to show it for what it is- NORMAL

My DD first encountered the word in one of the Narnia books, where it is used in its older sense (Reepicheep is a gay mouse, apparently). I did explain its usual modern use though, to avoid confusion, and also its unacceptable use as an insult.

I think I just talked briefly about men falling in love with men, and women falling in love with women. No need to over-explain.

You might want to check the context he came across it.

It's possible that if he had been reading an old fashioned book, then it might be in the older meaning of "happy, bright, light-hearted" (and still used in that sense sometimes by the older generation).

Also, there's a big difference between it having been used as a straightforward description (give the matter of fact explanations, as recommended above), or if he's heard it used in name-calling in which case you may need to add something about why that's wrong.

Please also tell him that it is not an insult (because I bet that's how it's been used at school )

I can remember asking my mum this when I was 8. Once she'd told me, my first question was "well, how do they have sex?"

She didn't tell me the answer to that bit.

I told my DD that gay meant that if you were a girl you would marry a girl and if you were a boy you would marry a boy. Didn't go into the whole CP thing, just kept it simple and matter of fact, but she was a bit younger than your DS. Also told her that it shouldn't be used as an insult or to mean something is rubbish because there is nothing wrong with being gay.

but in the playground gay means pathetic or a bit crap. so "Mr X is gay" does not mean that he is a friend of dorothy but that his lessons are a bit boring and his dress sense is a bit naff.

I think an 8 year old could understand why it is not right to use gay as an insult in this way though

X-post with everyone

Supermumz,
I would also ask him about the context too. To call someone or something "gay" is a popular homophobic insult amongst 8 year old boys. Might be a good time to also talk about bullying.

Supermumz - it is actually quite important to talk to him about it yourself then - the playground is not the place to learn about sexual relationships.

x post!

My 5 year old knows that men can have relationships with other men, and women with other women etc. Not sure if she's ever heard the word gay but if it did come up I'd have no problem explaining it. Don't really see why it would be confusing, just tell the truth.

My DS (7) asked me this exact question yesterday after the Deputy Head talked to the students in assembly about it being used as an insult.

He had no idea what it meant and was totally non-plussed when I told him.

If he's heard it at school, it probably wasn't being used to mean gay as in gay & lesbian - it's one of those words that has mutated to mean something else in the playground, ie it's now become a (fairly mild) term of abuse for someone who doesn't quite fit in, or a piece of behaviour/clothing/equipment/food that isn't what everyone else is having or doing.

So by all means explain to him what the 'real' meaning is (and that it is fine to be gay etc etc), but also say that people at school may say it about all sorts of things as insults, but it's not a good word to use in that way.

x-posts with everyone - and I don't think when 8-year-olds use it that it can actually be seen as homophobic - they don't know what it really means, and how can you apply a homophobic insult to a sandwich (real example)?

my Ds (also aged 8) asked me exactly the same thing last night. I told him it was when people of the same sex like each other the way that mummy and daddy like each other.
he accepted it and didn't see to find it all that interesting as a subject.

Yes, he heard it from school. I think it was used on some boy - defn not in a good way. So DS thinks/knows it is bad...

Yes, but I agree that he has to know it, and its better that its from me.. rather than distorted views from friends..

Btw, what is the meaning of x-post?

Quite, Pixie - and I think these days 8/9 year olds are much more likely to come across the concept of gay couples than we all were at the same age - Elton John all over the papers etc.

At my DCs old primary, the deputy head attempted to crack down on 'gay' being used as an insult, because he was gay, as was (obviously) his civil partner, who was one of the other teachers. The children all knew about it when they had their civil partnership ceremony, and it doesn't seem to have bothered or 'confused' them at all. CofE school, by the way.

x-post is when lots of other people post saying the same thing while you are busy typing your message.