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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should school make sure 5yo DD goes to Spanish?

67 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 19:47

I need your advice please, wise MNers, before I start ranting at DD1's school.

She's 5yo, in year 1. A letter came home at the beginning of term offering Spanish lessons, with a private company, at lunch time one day a week. At a not insignificant price.

DD1 was very keen. We're a bilingual family, and she loves learning words in different languages, so I signed her up.

We're 4 weeks in. She has yet to go to a single class. Excuses have ranged from "I forgot" to "I was shy" to "I didn't want to".

I place a fair share of the blame on DD1. This evening she learned that I was not making idle threats when I told her that nothing in Spanish class could possibly be as scary as Mummy if she didn't go today.

But AIBU (wrong topic, I know!) to think the school should bloody well be making sure she gets there? It's in school hours, they're supposed to be in charge. Surely, even though they're not actually running the class, they're hosting it, and should treat it like maths, assembly or any other class which they would ensure DD1 attended?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AMumInScotland · 08/02/2011 20:12

I don't think they should treat it the same as a part of the school curriculum - it's not compulsory, so they can't make her go to it. OTOH I see your point that they could make a bit of effort to get the children there, since they are (presumably) getting a portion of your money , and ought to treat that seriously.

Can you tell from what your dd says whether they are even mentioning it to them as a reminder?

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 20:19

They remind the children, but that's all. Today I had a note from the teacher that they had given her a yr 2 buddy to take her there and she still didn't go. DD swears this isn't true, but since she lied about going today, I'm not too inclined to believe her.

But FFS, she's 5! If she were older I'd put it all on her head. But at 5 you need to drag them everywhere kicking and screaming, even to stuff they enjoy (well, my 5yo anyway).

I think that if the school is going to host these things at a time when parents can't be there to ensure attendance, the responsibility is on them to do it.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 08/02/2011 20:22

I don't think they can force her, but they should definitely be reminding her, and encouraging her firmly to go along. A brisk "Come on X, time for Spanish" from teacher will get most 5yr olds on their way. They can't frog march her there if she really doesn't want to go though.

TBH it sounds like she's not that keen right now - my DCs are 4 and 6, (YR and Y1) and voluntarily take themselves off to the clubs they want to go to at lunchtime (maths, library, cosy club). Maybe it's worth relaxing about it right now until she seems more keen?

Hulababy · 08/02/2011 20:23

We remind children of the clubs they are in and we have a list on the wall. But we don't physically take them there. I work with Y1 BTW.

Many of our teachers are out of school during lunch time, going to get sandwiches or lunch, running the odd chore, or doing planning and prep, etc. The teachers and TAs are on lunch breaks (TAs unpaid) and not on duty as such. We have lunchtime supervisers in charge over lunch time. Obviously if there is a problem teachers will step in but generally they are not "around" over lunch.

TBH it sounds like your DD doesn't really want to do the club and is deliberately not going. The teachers can't force her.

It also sounds like the club is external to school and not run by school at all. They are merely using the school space. So if anyone is in charge of making sure children attend it should be the people running the club.

magicmummy1 · 08/02/2011 20:25

Didn't you ask your dd if she wanted to do it before you signed her up?

seeker · 08/02/2011 20:26

Are you sure she wants to go? I.m not sure it;s a good idea for a 5 year old to miss play for more lessons, to be honest. Even if she theoretically wants to go, the lure of her friends and the playground must be very strong! Are there any other people from her class going?

thisisyesterday · 08/02/2011 20:29

if it's in lunch time then when does she get to eat her lunch? could this be why she doesn't want to go?
is she missing part of lunch or playtime?

when she agreed to do it she may not have realised that she would have to go by herself and miss out on stuff?

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 20:34

She's going though a very annoying shy stage where she won't speak to an adult she doesn't know, so the main problem is she's too scared to go in. She wants to learn Spanish, just not go to the class, IYSWIM. So she needs to be forced to go, meet the teacher and get settled. I assumed the school would make sure she got there.

I'm absolutely fuming. We're having to do without because of the money we spent on this class, thinking it was a good opportunity for DD. And now the money being thrown down the toilet and there's fuck all I can do about it!

Sorry for the rant but I'm really upset about this.

OP posts:

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 20:35

Yes I did ask her, it was her idea.

The lessons are in playtime, after lunch.

Some of her friends are in the class.

OP posts:

TheVisitor · 08/02/2011 20:39

I do believe that the teacher gave her a buddy to get her there, but if she won't go, they cannot force her. A teacher cannot grab a child's hand and march them to the class.

PatriciaHolm · 08/02/2011 20:39

OK, then go into school and have a word with the teacher and ask if a teacher/TA can walk her to the lesson next week - hopefully they will only have to do it once? I'm sure ours would do it if asked nicely and it wasn't likely to be a long term thing.

thisisyesterday · 08/02/2011 20:42

it isn't her fault. when she said she'd like to do it she probably didn't realise that what it'ed be like, and I would guess that she didn't really realise how bad it would be missing playtime too, even if you told her about that at the time

do you know the other children from her class that go? if so could you have a chat with their mums and see if they could get their kids to jolly her along a bit?

i would def talk to the teacher again though. at ds1's school it would be a case of "everyone doing spanish come here please"... and then taking them there.
no ifs, no buts

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 20:44

That seems fair, Patricia. I did tell them last week she would need help, but they seemed to think a buddy would be enough. Obviously not.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 08/02/2011 20:50

So, it is half way through the lunch break, after her food?

As a one off you could see if the teacher could arrange to be available next week to offer to accomapny DD to the start of the class and to meet the teacher. The teacher or TA may be able to organise this.

However, if she says no, they can only encourage her. They can force her.

TBH in this situation, where the club is external to school, now I would be tempted to contact the club themselves. Can they arrange to have someone to meet your DD in the playground or lunch hall to accompany her to the class?

Or one friend who goes to the club as well - can the teacher ask a fiend to buddy up with her?

Or, speak to the club and see if you can withdraw her until she gets her confidence back. The clubs are supposed to be fun activities, not something to dread and fear each week.

onimolap · 08/02/2011 20:54

When there are classes like this at our school, a TA rounds up all the children who attend and takes them there (it's usually after school though, so not as intrusive as cutting into someone's lunch break). But as least they all get there, in a matter of fact way.

seeker · 08/02/2011 21:34

Oh but ahe's very little to do this! My dd had such a struggle making herself go to a club she really wanted to go a few years ago because it was lots of girls she didn't know from other years in her school and run by a teacher she hadn't met - and she was 12! Of course she's scared - woudn't you be?

Are you available at lunchtime? Could you ask if you could go and take her? Or could you talk to the parents of her friends who are going and ask them to ask their children to wait for her?

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 21:45

Unfortunately I don't have the details of the club - it was all on the form I handed back. I should have made a copy!

I can't go myself, I work full time.

I'll speak to her teacher again. But I did speak to her last week and ask her to make sure DD went, and she said she would. She had no idea that DD hadn't been to the previous 3 weeks!

I really would have thought that between them the club and the school would have made sure that all the children who were supposed to be there, were in fact there, at least for the first few classes!

OP posts:

DreamTeamGirl · 08/02/2011 21:49

I was going to suggest could you go along at lunch and take her to a class, so if she is just nervous about going in you will get passed that barrier
That said I really think she doesnt want to go, and I would ask about deferring her and getting a credit note towards her doing it next year.

seeker · 09/02/2011 07:04

I think you are expecting far too much. Imagine yourself little and having to go into a strange room with other people you don;t know and a teacher you don;t know...

ANd I'm not sure she could have understood the implications of signing up at the age of 5> SHe probably thinks everyone will know more than her. The quite often don;t understand that lessons are to learn how to do things - if you see what I mean. They think that everyone there will be able to do it already. The number of times I've had to say something along the lines of "I know you can't play rugby/do origami/turn cartwheels/play tennis/speak French - that's what the lessons are for!"

Goblinchild · 09/02/2011 07:56

Stop blaming the school, it's an issue between you, your DD and the independent person running the club.
Why not ask the person running the club and taking your money to collect your daughter from lunch, along with the other students?
Or face the fact that she's not old enough yet, and let her be?

coldtits · 09/02/2011 07:58

Maybe she'd rather do what all her friends are doing at lunchtime and play outside with other children?

fishie · 09/02/2011 08:07

can you take a day off just to take her the first time? or my cm takes ds to french, have you got any person you could get to do it for you?

lunch does seem a difficult time to have the lesson. can you email the school and ask for the spanish company's contact info?

cansu · 09/02/2011 08:21

I think that if your dd doesn't really want to go then you should try and get a refund or a credit for next term or whatever and let it go. TBH I think you have lost sight of the fact that tis is meant to be fun! If it is causing both you and dd stress, is it really worth it. She has plenty of time to learn a bit of Spanish

QuintessentialShadows · 09/02/2011 08:25

There is so much emphasis on formal learning in the uk. At 5 she wants to play, to relax and have chill out time with her friends! The school day is long enough at that age, if her break time should not be filled with more learning. In my honest opinion, spanish lessons during break time in school for a 5 year old is not really doing anybody any good. Do you really want to have a struggle with your small dd over school already? Is this a trend you want to set? Now? At the age of 5?

RatherBeOnThePiste · 09/02/2011 08:30

Maybe she's just too young to do this? Maybe she is avoiding the reality of it because she just wants to play? It sounds like it is causing her a worry, and you are paying extra for that

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