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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should school make sure 5yo DD goes to Spanish?

67 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 08/02/2011 19:47

I need your advice please, wise MNers, before I start ranting at DD1's school.

She's 5yo, in year 1. A letter came home at the beginning of term offering Spanish lessons, with a private company, at lunch time one day a week. At a not insignificant price.

DD1 was very keen. We're a bilingual family, and she loves learning words in different languages, so I signed her up.

We're 4 weeks in. She has yet to go to a single class. Excuses have ranged from "I forgot" to "I was shy" to "I didn't want to".

I place a fair share of the blame on DD1. This evening she learned that I was not making idle threats when I told her that nothing in Spanish class could possibly be as scary as Mummy if she didn't go today.

But AIBU (wrong topic, I know!) to think the school should bloody well be making sure she gets there? It's in school hours, they're supposed to be in charge. Surely, even though they're not actually running the class, they're hosting it, and should treat it like maths, assembly or any other class which they would ensure DD1 attended?

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fishie · 09/02/2011 08:36

i think a 5yo can be expected to do half an hour of Spanish a week without keeling over.

It'll probably be all sombreros and crayons anyway, ds's french seems to be colouring and a bit of vocab and that's an hour. It is a good age to start and it's a shame more foreign language isn't on the curriculum.

but i wouldn't expect her to get there by herself to start with, would need to be pretty firmly taken by an adult the first time.

LIZS · 09/02/2011 08:39

Think I'd withdraw her - it sounded like a good idea at thetme but reality is she can't face it so she is too young. At dc school it is their responsibility to attend dance, music, after school clubs etc . I think in Reception they were lined up and walked over to ballet or French club, but not since. I think the school have done pretty much all they can in reminding them and finding another child to take her.

defineme · 09/02/2011 08:49

I think the school has been reasonable-they listened to your concerns and found her a buddy. Why would the teacher know who's attended a club that's nothing to do with her?

This 'annoying' shy stage could be her personality-my dd is 6 and a little like that. I asked that she go to her in school piano lessons with her brother and that sorted it it. If that wasn't an option I would have dropped it. School is enough for ks1/2-extras are extra and not essential.
I know you think she'd enjoy it once she got there and it's galling that she said she'd like to do it, but can't see what you can do.

A polite request for the ta/teacher to take her, but nothing else.

My dd is a loud mouthed madamm at home and a shy little dot who won't talk to new people outside of the house. I'm not sure that's the end of the world and she'll either grow out of it and be more like her gregarious brothers or always be better with her close friends and in small groups like me.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 09/02/2011 09:10

I think you'll have to accept she's not ready for this. Ive been there...but not with clubs at school. Paid in advance for gymnastics for DD aged 6 who after a taster assured me she loved it and wanted to go every week...only to be told after week three that she didn't want to go any more...too tired and the teacher was too strict.

I made her go twice more to be sure she hadn't simply had a bad week and then accepted it wasn't for her.

You'll make your DD anxious about it by pressuring her like this. She's 5!

Bonsoir · 09/02/2011 09:14

I think that if this is offered by school in school time, then school should be ensuring your DD attends.

ZZZenAgain · 09/02/2011 09:18

Can you call the school office and ask for the contact details of the club organising the Spanish classes and speak to them? Tell them the problem and ask what they suggest as a way of resolving it

ZZZenAgain · 09/02/2011 09:22

I don't really understand why they didn't collect all the dc the first time and escort them to the class. Or did they and dd refused to go?

mrsshackleton · 09/02/2011 10:48

I had this with dd2 in nursery refusing to go to French, which I pay an arm and a leg for. The nursery teacher asked if she wanted to go (it's in the room next door) and she said "no", so the teacher said "I just left it!"

I politely and firmly told the teacher that 3 yr olds didn't decide what they did and didn't do at nursery and to please take her in the following week. And she did.

seeker · 09/02/2011 12:58

Hmm - wish there was a neglectful mother emoticon. I cannot imagine circumstances where I would make 5 year old go to an extra curricular activity they didn;t wnat to go to - never mind a 3 year old!

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 09/02/2011 14:16

Neglectful mother?!?! Oh seeker, seriously? That's bang out of order!

What this is really about is my DD's sudden terminal shyness, which is affecting her enjoyment of life. She won't go and do things which she WANTS to do, because she's suddenly scared. She never used to be like this so I'm not sure where it came from.

I was very very shy as a child and as a result had no friends, did no activities and was miserable to the point of suicide as a pre-teen. I want my DD to work through it as soon as possible before it ruins her childhood the way it ruined mine.

Telling her she doesn't have to go to Spanish because she's bit nervous of going into the classroom is not going to help her.

I spoke to her teacher this morning, explained it was fear keeping DD out, not forgetfulness or not wanting to go, and they have agreed to take her in and get her settled next week.

OP posts:

evolucy7 · 09/02/2011 14:30

Annie....I agree that the school should be ensuring that she gets to the lesson.
In my view, if I had paid for the lesson when one of my DDs had said they wanted to do it, they would do it for the block of lessons, and then they could decide if they wanted to do it again. If she has never been how does she know what it is going to be like. I understand a child's worries about new things, but they still need to do them, this is what happens in life.

MrsDaffodill · 09/02/2011 14:31

Annie, good plan.

My son (much older than yours!) really wanted to start after-school drama but was too scared to take himself in the first time. His teacher was very happy to do it when I politely asked. And he REALLY enjoyed it when he got there.

That said, he doesn't want to do any lunch time clubs as he says "that is for playing" and I have gone with that.

seeker · 09/02/2011 14:41

Sorry, Annie - the neglectful mother comment was aimed at myself and my laissez faire attitude to Reception age extra curricular activities!

PixieOnaLeaf · 09/02/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Goblinchild · 09/02/2011 17:56

'A letter came home at the beginning of term offering Spanish lessons, with a private company, at lunch time one day a week. At a not insignificant price.'

For all those saying the school is offering lessons in school time, read the OP carefully please.
It's no more to do with the school than Rosemary Whatsits Diet club, or ballet or Tumbletots which all run at my school, private companies hiring space.
They hire the premises, is all.

wigglesrock · 09/02/2011 18:28

agree with goblinchild, my dds school does Irish Dancing after school. We pay separately, if she doesn't want to go, we get rung to pick her at normal finishing time (its happened once). Not the schools responsibility, I actually think they are being very accommodating. Dd1 is 5, she barely has enough time to eat all her lunch and play, not sure how she's fit a class in as well.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 09/02/2011 19:11

Goblin - I'm not sure how relevant it is whether the school is offering the lessons or an outside party; if the class is in the middle of the day, parents can hardly be expected to get the child there, can they? So the responsibility falls on the school, who are doing the hosting, or the club themselves.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 09/02/2011 19:13

It's on the club. Not the school.
Or on the parent who is making the child go to an activity where she has to be hauled there by the scruff.

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 09/02/2011 19:44

I don't think that the school has any responsibility to make her go. Neither teachers nor TAs are usually paid for lunchtimes in our school and the teachers generally spend them marking, preparing stuff, etc. I don't think you can expect them to intervene in an arrangement between you and a commercial company. A friendly request for help might lead to your dd's teacher helping out as a one-off, though.

PixieOnaLeaf · 09/02/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 09/02/2011 19:53

I am glad that the teacher has agreed to help your DD next week.

But please realise that she is doing this in her own lunch break, a break where she is officially unpaid and not on duty.

And as an extrnal course it is not school's responsibilit to get her there.

As someone who was incredibly shy as a child I still wouldn't ush he rintogoing unless she actually wants to go off her own back, not ahaving to be taken there every day. Being pushed into things did not help me in the slightest.

Hulababy · 09/02/2011 19:55

"if the class is in the middle of the day, parents can hardly be expected to get the child there, can they?"

TBH, that could be a solution for some children and parents.

UnSerpentQuiCourt · 09/02/2011 20:07

Some poster have, I think, suggested that the school benefits financially from the arrangement and therefore has some responsibility. In my school, at least, there is no financial benefit to allowing commercial providers of, say, music lessons to use our premises. We do it as a service to the parents and children, to enrich their experiences. The occasions when we have a parent 'fuming' and demanding that we spend our unpaid and already crammed lunch times organising their children are the occasions when we wonder why we bother.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 09/02/2011 22:43

Thank you to the posters who have made sensible comments and suggestions - I didn't realise that teachers don't work over lunch time. So who looks after the children then? Sorry if that's a stupid question.

UnSerpentQuiCourt - to be fair, if the children aren't actually going to these enriching classes because no-one makes sure they go, it's not worth bothering, is it?

Anyway, I won't rant at the school, though I will think twice about signing DD up for any outside activities offered at school until she's old enough to be responsible for herself.

And a large 'whatever' to the various posters who seem to think I'm forcing DD to go to something she doesn't want to do and trying to get the teachers to be complicit in my bullying. Read the thread properly, FFS.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 09/02/2011 22:46

Midday supervisors are paid to look after the children at lunchtime, with a clear ratio of staff to pupils.

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