Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Sex education lessons (Oh God)

56 replies

lovecheese · 21/01/2011 17:22

DD is in yr5 and her year are to start these sometime soon. She is quite a naive girl in a lot of ways, isn't very streetwise and certainly has no interest in boys (Thank God!). She has recently noticed that she is getting a bit of underarm hair, and is not so naive that she doesn't know where else it may appear, IYKWIM, but that is really where her knowledge ends. My dilemma is should I leave the whole thing to school, talk to her before the S.E lessons begin, or leave a suitable book on her pillow?!. Oh heck, my little girl is growing up! How have others dealt with this? Thanks.

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 21/01/2011 17:24

Does she know how babies are made? And anything at all about periods?

Original poster
lovecheese · 21/01/2011 17:26

Not more than a special cuddle needed; she has seen me and knows that "Ladies leak" once a month. My mum told me nothing.

OP posts:
Slambang · 21/01/2011 17:27

talk

why would you want her to learn this from a book, school or most likely her friends in the playground?

surely talk is the only answer

walesblackbird · 21/01/2011 17:29

My son is in year 5 as well and I've bought some books for him - Hair in Funny Places and Where Willy Went - to prepare him.

Haven't given them to him yet though - was hoping his father may have offered to do the job, but there's more chance of me seeing a flying pig I think.

We have an added complication in that my children are all adopted so the whole "mummy and daddy loved each other very much etc etc" isn't actually the case for ours!!

Good luck

changeforthebetter · 21/01/2011 17:34

But she may be wondering already. Where would you rather she get her facts from - you - then you have some control over what she finds out and when and she is more likely to come to you if she feels she can be open about sexual matters or in the school playground where she will hear all sorts and may not feel comfortable checking it out with you?

Little kids don't need much information but they do need some. Start now. There will be books (have seen them in the library). My kids (much younger) know that babies grow in wombs (and not tummies Hmm)and that mummy gets some red leakage which is blood but doesn't hurt and is to do with making babies. I try to be factual but I definitely want to be in control of this topic and want my DDs to be able to approach me. "Naive" girls are more vulnerable. I was naive and it did not protect me when I got older - quite the opposite. Don't leave it up to school. They have a role but I want my kids to talk to me if they are worried about sex (or at least feel they can).

Lonnie · 21/01/2011 19:35

I gave my daughter a book and had a talk to her about it as she was given it. as she read it I kept asking her about it and cheked she understood and if she had any questions for a while ti was her favourite book now (year 8) she migh tmention it if we are talking of such things but apart from that she is fine. As dd2 was a part of most of theese conversations I have not been as proactive with her over it but we do discuss it (she is also seveerely dyslexic and the book would be beyond her abillity)

the book is called girl talk

Pterosaur · 21/01/2011 19:44

I've always talked to my children before the school talk - it reduces potential embarrassent if they're not surprised by anything, and I actually think it's my job (though agree that schools must do it).

Beware leaving the job to other children.

LilRedWG · 21/01/2011 19:51

"Mummy Laid an Egg" is a very good book in my opinion. DD is 4.8 and we are expecting DC2 in a matter of weeks. She has looked through the book with me after asking basic questions, which I answered truthfully, but not too expanded on iykwim.

She has gradually asked more and I've gradually answered more. For example, last week she asked me how the ssed got into Mummy to get to the egg so I simply told her that Daddy put his willy in Mummy and the seed swam out. She was happy with that and carried on talking about school. :)

Just start with the basic stuff with her and follow her lead.

MigratingCoconuts · 21/01/2011 20:35

I would talk first. Surely you want her to hear this properly and you want to know what she knows.

I am a seconday school teacher and have taught sex ed for 20 years. I'm realising that talking to my kids will be much more tricky (more personally involved) but I also know what misconceptions (no pun intended) kids can have and where this can lead to.

the books suggested are a good idea. it'll give you something to look at together with age appropriate language etc.

seeker · 21/01/2011 20:53

In my opinion, if a child doesn't know the basics or reproduction and puberty by the age of 6, somebody has gone wrong somewhere.

cory · 22/01/2011 10:34

Personally, I think reproductive biology and aspects of health and hygiene relating to puberty should be taught at an early age as a matter of general education, with no reference to whether you are naive or interested in boys or whatever.

Would you refrain from letting your dd be taught the concept of percentages "because she is naive and immature and has no interest in banking"? Of course not, it's general education. Or would you not teach her about caries and looking after her teeth?

If you can treat puberty as something as natural and positive as ordinary biology or general health care, then I think you will make your dd's life a lot easier. I went through agony when I had to ask my mum for sanitary towels- and then it turned out they had noticed days ago that I was bleeding and had been too awkward to say anything. And every time I had to mention the fact again- say, when we ran out of sanitary towels, or I wasn't swimming- I remembered that first awkwardness and went through the same feelings again.

I was determined to spare my dd this- and I think I have. The fact that she was conversant with the facts of life from an early age has not turned her into some preternaturally savvy, precocious, boy-mad alien: she is the same girl as she was, just with a little more knowledge. But then the times tables and French verbs didn't take the bloom off her childhood either- so why should this?

Goblinchild · 22/01/2011 10:36

If you can't talk to her now about sensitive and potentially embarrassing issues, you will not have a reasonable relationship when she's a teenager and needs to ask someone those difficult questions that come later.
Talk to her, let her understand how interesting and unscary it all is.

Original poster
lovecheese · 22/01/2011 10:39

seeker I really don't think 6 is the age to talk about reproduction and puberty. Yes I will talk to her, I have a medical background so will do it as factually as I can. Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 10:43

Talk to her.
I think you needed to have done this a long time ago tbh.

'special cuddles' and 'ladies leak'?
I think that is spectacularly naive for a 10yo, and agree with Seeker- something has gone wrong for her to get to Y5 without basic knowledge of puberty/reproduction.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 10:49

You have a 'medical background' and yet you are contemplating leaving your daughters entire knowledge of sex and puberty to the school?
It is not their responsibilty- it is your's.

And 6 is not too young for learning the basics.
Dd had basic but accurate knowledge by this age- not about sex as 'recreation', but about reproduction and how bodies change in puberty.

Original poster
lovecheese · 22/01/2011 10:49

Sorry but I disagree, why should she have needed to know the ins-and-outs (no pun intended) before now?

OP posts:
sherby · 22/01/2011 10:49

Talk to her yourself. Please don't leave it up to an embarrassed teacher and a 20 year old VHS.

DD 5 is already well versed in the basics of puberty, pregnancy and sex. As is DS 3 (to a more basic extent). I would be mortified if my DC didn't know anything by year 5.

Goblinchild · 22/01/2011 10:50

''special cuddles' and 'ladies leak''

So now you need to talk about babydancing and Auntie Flow and watch her get totally confused?
If that's how you want to proceed with your medical background...
You could leave it to the school and then be prepared to field questions from her. If, of course, she thinks of you as someone she can have discussions of that nature with. Otherwise, she'll either stay ignorant or ask her 9 and 10 year old friends.

sherby · 22/01/2011 10:53

DD came home the other day talking about her 'tinky hole' Hmm

This is after 5 years of using the words vulva and vagina. Apparently someone had told her vagina was a rude word. This is what happens when people are embarrassed talking about normal body parts.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 10:55

I must admit I did Grin a bit at 'leave a book on her pillow'
Has your OP been lost in a time vortex and was really written in 1953?

Please don't do this, it will give her the impression that sex is something that must not be mentioned aloud.

pointydug · 22/01/2011 10:58

Tell her all about it before it comes up at school.

pointydug · 22/01/2011 10:59

I was left a book on my bed and it was such a rubbish thing to do. Don;t do that.

Original poster
lovecheese · 22/01/2011 10:59

Right, I am not a Victorian prude who wants to wrap her children in cotton wool, I am not embarrassed to talk about sex or puberty with her and I asked the question in good faith.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 22/01/2011 11:00

You need to tell her today. If she has underarm hair my guess is her periods wont be too far behind. It is cruel not to prepare her for this.

randombaking · 22/01/2011 11:02

It might be worth asking the school when they do their 'talk' on puberty etc. When my DS was in yr5 they had a fantastic explanation of the subject about this time and he spent the entire walk home from school telling me all about periods & growing up, he found it very interesting!! I also gave him an excellent book to read in his spare time, don't remember the name - it was an Usbourne publication. We have also been discussing "where babies come from' on and off from reception whenever he is curious about something