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Primary education

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Original poster

Sex education lessons (Oh God)

56 replies

lovecheese · 21/01/2011 17:22

DD is in yr5 and her year are to start these sometime soon. She is quite a naive girl in a lot of ways, isn't very streetwise and certainly has no interest in boys (Thank God!). She has recently noticed that she is getting a bit of underarm hair, and is not so naive that she doesn't know where else it may appear, IYKWIM, but that is really where her knowledge ends. My dilemma is should I leave the whole thing to school, talk to her before the S.E lessons begin, or leave a suitable book on her pillow?!. Oh heck, my little girl is growing up! How have others dealt with this? Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovecheese · 22/01/2011 11:02

And I have no intention of keeping her in the dark, I merely asked the question to see what others have done.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 22/01/2011 11:04

Breathe deeply and have a chat with her..tis no big deal..tis natural and a normal part of growing...be open and answer all her questions within the limits of her understanding you may be surprised what she knows already or would like to know!...good-luck Smile

Goblinchild · 22/01/2011 11:04

Well, you've pretty much kept her in the dark up until this point, so you can see why some posters think you may hail from an earlier era.

Marne · 22/01/2011 11:06

I would talk to her before she starts sex ed at school so she's not as shocked and embaressed infront of her class mates.

My parents where always open about sex ed, i can't remember not knowing about how babbies are made and periods. My dd's are only 7 and 5 but dd2 already knows where babbies come from and has asked questions about body hair (the bathroom door is never shut in our house). I answer any questions she asks (she doesn't ask many yet).

Original poster
lovecheese · 22/01/2011 11:07
Biscuit
OP posts:
cory · 22/01/2011 11:07

I think it is time to talk with more grown-up vocabulary. The problem with keeping it very babyish is that she won't have anywhere to ask questions- if she asks at school using 5yo language the others will laugh at her, and at home she may feel you expect her to be naive and childish so will feel shy about asking grown-up questions.

Agree that if she has underarm hair, periods are probably not far behind.

And incidentally, if I had a small sum of money for every MN poster who said "oh heck, my dd is growing up" with a panicked face, then I could start a very nice fund for my own dd's university fees.

Am I the only person who enjoys having a growing up daughter, who thinks it is exciting and fun to see the girl I love gradually forming into an adult and developing her own grown-up personality? Who thinks adolescence is something to celebrate? No? All alone, am I?

exexpat · 22/01/2011 11:07

I'm sure by year 5 she'll have heard a lot about periods and sex and so on from her friends - some of them may have started their periods already, but who knows how accurate what she's been hearing will be.

Talk to her, but if you are both a bit embarrassed, I'd highly recommend What's happening to me which gives very good, clear explanations about puberty (there's a boys' version too) and sex, without going into too much detail. My 8-yr-old DD read it a year or so ago, and has asked a few questions.

Cyb · 22/01/2011 11:08

Dont leave a book on her pillow

yes you ahve left it a little late to suddenly have a 'big talk'

has she asked NO questions about her body, babies or anyhting unntil now?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 11:08

'Sorry but I disagree, why should she have needed to know the ins-and-outs (no pun intended) before now?'

Because leaving it until now means that you are in a position where she knows nothing, and all will be revealed in one huge go, which she will find far more shocking than if you had provided small chunks of age appropriate information before now.

Or- she may know more than you think, and what she does know will be based on inaccurate and sensationalised playground rumour.

That is why you have made a mistake in not addressing these issues before now, imo.

Mumcentreplus · 22/01/2011 11:09

I think that the OP was not intentionally keeping her child in the dark actually..it was just never a topic of discussion before and now that her DD is curious she wants advice on how best to handle the situation..no big deal and no reason for accusations or assumptions from other posters..Hmm

edam · 22/01/2011 11:10

Also recommend Mummy Laid an Egg for little children - ds found it very amusing but has all the information they need.

My mother had just done a degree in zoology before I was born, so she blinded us with science including diagrams of the male and female reproductive systems as very small children. Our childminder was taken aback one day when I asked her 'Linda, I've forgotten, how do you draw a vagina?' Linda had no idea whether my Mother would approve or not but said 'I can't remember either, why don't we ask Mummy when she gets home' which I think was jolly clever.

We weren't precocious and didn't have sex early. Matter of fact and accurate is definitely the way to go.

threefeethighandrising · 22/01/2011 11:11

I do think a book is a good idea though - not instead of talking about it - as well as. My parents talked to me about it and got me a book, and the book was really good. It meant I could digest the information in my own time, and reading the book was less embarrassing than asking my parents stuff!

Goblinchild · 22/01/2011 11:11

No, I loved it too cory, and I enjoy watching Y6 mature over the year too. Ready to launch into secondary school and the Big Wide World.

maresedotes · 22/01/2011 11:12

I've recently discussed puberty with dd1 (9) because she asked about hair growing on her legs, this led to a chat about hair growing elsewhere and periods. All very matter of fact and I will get her a book aswell (one recommended on here - "What's Happening to Me?")

I don't think the OP has kept her child "in the dark". She's asking us how we deal with it.

Cyb · 22/01/2011 11:12

Op do you have hang ups about your child knowing about sex etc?Just wondering about the 'oh God' in thread title

Mumcentreplus · 22/01/2011 11:16

I've never had THE BIG TALK...I just answered the questions my DDs asked and gave them an open forum to ask me questions..any questions and I will answer them in an age appropriate way..I told them the correct names for their sexual parts and about them being personal areas...about periods and why I have them ...how they were concieved and about their birth...they asked and I answered

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 11:18

'Am I the only person who enjoys having a growing up daughter, who thinks it is exciting and fun to see the girl I love gradually forming into an adult and developing her own grown-up personality?'

I agree.
My daughter is 10, and each new development makes me feel excited for the future- being allowed to go places alone, choosing bras, starting secondary school.

Hell, even the appearance of pubes was met with much excitement from me ( much to her embarrassment )

Mumcentreplus · 22/01/2011 11:19

Speaking about sex with a 5yr old can be daunting for some people, it's good to get advice and build confidence Cyb ...it may not be a hang-up

Cyb · 22/01/2011 11:22

Not sure why it would be dauting, but hey ho

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 11:25

I am very surprised that she has never asked questions.
I actually think mumcentreplus has the right idea, no 'big talk' as such, but questions answered honestly and accurately as they arise.

But if the child never asks, that cannot mean they are never told or they will end up in the situation the OP is- 10 years old with no knowledge of how their bodies are about to change.

Am a bit sceptical about this, though.
Is it really possible that a 10yo has never wondered how a baby is made?
Does she have any younger siblings?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/01/2011 11:38

One last point and I will leave this alone, I promise Grin

You have intentionally kept her in the dark.
You have told her 'ladies leak' and babies are made with 'special cuddles'.

Sorry to go on, but I want to impress on you the importance of rectifying this situation.
And this subject is a particular bugbear of mine.

cory · 22/01/2011 11:39

Not a 5yo, Mumcentre, the OPs dd is in Yr 5. Which means she is 9/10 years old and some of her friends are bound to be starting their periods soon. These are children who will be going off to secondary in 1 1/2 year's time.

shellye · 22/01/2011 11:41

I sometimes wonder which century we live in. My parents were prudes. Never had ant talks about sex or periods. Have promised myself that my DD who is 7 next week will have any question answered with the correct terminology and no topic is swept under the carpet.In fact I welcome her questions! Both my husband and I have no body hangups. She still gets in the bath with him if she can.Long may it last. I am sure with children receiving the correct knowledge about sex and relationships we would cut the teenage pregnancy rate over night!!!! It should not be left to schools, only reinforced.

Ephiny · 22/01/2011 11:54

I think she quite possibly knows a lot more than you think, if she's 10 there's a good chance some of her classmates have started their periods already or are expecting to soon, and there's probably talk about it. We definitely talked about it when I was that age (last couple of years in primary school). It's likely she's heard about sex from other children too. Not to mention anything she might be reading (books or internet) that you don't know about.

Mumcentreplus · 22/01/2011 12:35

my bad... I didn't read the original post properly..OP you really need to talk with her and use the book recommendations suggested

my DDs have asked and discussed sex openly with me since they could ask questions about 2-3yrs old