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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

please help - should ds start school this Sept or not?

83 replies

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:41

Ds1 will be 4 on the 25th August this year. Dh and other people in the family think he should start school the following week. I am really torn about it. I like having him around, and I think he is too young to go anyway. Dh says it's about my inability to let go. I really don't know what to think. He will either be the absolute youngest or oldest in his year (if he goes next year). I just wondered if anybody had any experience of this sort of situation and could give some advice. Thanks.

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compo · 16/01/2011 15:43

I don't think you get a choice do you? What are your lea rules or are you overseas?
If in England if you leave it a year he'll have to go into yr one and miss out on reception
you'd could start him part time? Does he go to preschool?

HeadsUp · 16/01/2011 15:45

So have you been given the option to deffer.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:47

Thanks for replying. He doesn't go to pre-school, we have tried but he spent rather a lot of time rolling around under the table - not very constructive. I didn't realise that he would miss out reception entirely. How can I seperate how I feel about it and do the best thing for him?

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strandednomore · 16/01/2011 15:48

Legally they have to start the term after they turn five, so I assume legally he doesn't have to start. But I think different schools have different rules so you might find the school you want for him might not keep a place.

FWIW I think it is too young and that the difference between a child who is almost 5 and just turned 4 is enormous. However, the schools are presumably used to dealing with these differences and in some ways my dd (5 in September) is probably finding a lot of the things they do a little "young" for her as they are catering to such a large age range.

Oh, and I am an August baby and it doesn't seem to have harmed me in the long term if that's what you are worried about.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:49

No we haven't been given the option to deffer. I spoke to the receptiong teacher who is lovely and she said we could do mornings, but I still don't know if at barely four it's the right environment - or if I'm being precious. I honestly don't know

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strandednomore · 16/01/2011 15:49

baskingseals - don't forget, there is still a long time until September. He will be very different by then. Hopefully not rolling around under tables!

CarGirl · 16/01/2011 15:49

First of all you need to know what your LEA allows.

In Surrey they do not teach out of year, so if you defer entry he would just start in year 1 instead and skip reception altogether.

I have 2 August born dds (one the 28th, on the 18th) and they have been fine at school and a good school does factor in their age with regards to expectations. One of them is no where near being able to "write" in year 1 due to poor pencil control - ambidextrous til 4, now left handed and of course very young. However she is fine being in year 1 rather than having just gone up to reception now IYSWIM

vicbar · 16/01/2011 15:51

my oldest dd (6) bday is also on 25th august.
She started as normal but as there was no legal obligation for her to be at school till she is 5 they said that if they were finding it hard going they could do a 4 day week or shorter days. This was to open to any parent before their child was 5.
As it happens my DD was fine and I dont think I could have kept her home she'd much rather be at school. If you leave it till next year he will still be the youngest as he'll just skip reception and go into year 1.

I was anxious about her being the youngest in the year but you would never know and now in year 2 she is in the highest reading, spelling and writing groups.

mananamanana · 16/01/2011 15:52

agree - you don't get a choice if you are in England - some schools offer a staggered/part time approach for the first term. some will allow them to start after christmas.

is he an only child? what is your relationship like with him? would you describe it as intense? does he have other adults looking after him? how do you feel about other people looking after him?

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:52

Thanks stranded, I think that is what I'm worried about. I think in the UK children start school very young compared to other European countries and it isn't always beneficial.

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CarGirl · 16/01/2011 15:55

Some LEAs in England do allow to defer entry and start in reception and teach out of year for their entire "career" at school. One of them is a Birmingham LEA I belive.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:56

He is my middle child. I have a dd and a younger ds. My dd is already at the primary school and is very into it all, more than I am. I would describe our relationship as close, but not intense. You are right about other people looking after him - or any of them - I only really feel comfortable if it's my sister or a good friend, but i think that's to do with issues around dd who was extremely ill at birth.

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 16/01/2011 15:57

My DS is also a late summer born baby. He started in reception last September at just turned 4. I remember having all the same feelings this time last year, how would my then 3yr old fit into school?

At our school they have a staggered start, meaning that the youngest children start first, and no child is there all day until about week 4 (lots of grumbling from working parents, but it does seem to help the children to settle in). There was also the option to do part-time but we ended up not taking this up.

He was very tired when he started, I was giving him tea at about 4.30, then bath and often in bed for 6.00pm.

But in general I am really pleased at the way DS has settled at school, and amazed at how much he seems to have matured in such a short time. Reception is still v much child-led and play-based.

I am sure your DS will be fine with a good teacher - and many children start school without doing preschool first, after all it's not compulsory.

CarGirl · 16/01/2011 15:57

Reception should be a very play led environment, it actually follows the early years curriculum. Formal education should only really start in year 1.

My dds school teaches through learning to learn and it's fabulous - a huge shift from when my eldest started school 9 years ago to my youngest 1 year ago.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 15:57

But do you think i should defer entry? Has anybody done this? What do people do with their August babies when it comes to school?

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mananamanana · 16/01/2011 16:00

if you defer entry it would mean that he starts straight away in year one which would mean he'd miss all of reception which would make year one a bit of a shock I imagine.

as your dd is already there could you maybe have a meeting with the head/EYFS team about your concerns?

phonix · 16/01/2011 16:00

Cannot he start the following January?
Other than that you should be offered the option of going part time for a while if he absolutely has to start this coming September.
My DS is exactly the same, only he's been attending nursery since he turned 3 and seems to be fine.
I've also phoned around to see what our options were re. a later start and two different LEAs said (we moved recently) that it's not really an option to miss reception altogether, otherwise he'll lose his place in that particular school and we'll have to reapply for a Year 1 place which is virtually unheard of and would be an absolute nightmare.

shubiedoo · 16/01/2011 16:00

I wouldn't send him, but then I'm not in the UK and I don't know exactly what they do in reception. I just think 4 is too young and it doesn't sound like he's ready.

Here in Canada they need to be 5 by the end of December. Ds2 is a Jan baby just turned 4 and I can't believe kids only a bit older than him will be expected to go to school in the fall!

He has been going to preschool though, 3 mornings a week. They need to get into a routine with other children and learn to sit for brief periods like storytime before they're ready for a full school day.

CarGirl · 16/01/2011 16:01

I wouldn't defer because they would end up missing a year further along potentially at the end of primary when they skip from year 6 to year 8 with no friends etc.

It doesn't bother me if my dc are bottom of the class in academic terms, providing their behaviour at school is acceptable and they are happy they will learn at their own pace. Mine didn't learn to read until the end of year 1 but improved loads during year 2 and "caught up" the on those that had started school being able to read.

I think with the system the way it is it's better to start them in reception and accept they may find it hard to begin with.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 16/01/2011 16:02

Completely see where you're coming from. It was the same for my DD...youngest to begin.

She needed to begin when she did though so that she had the time to catch up and get used tobeing away from me.

reception is very much more relaxed than year one...if you bung him in at ear one having never had reception where there is more relaxed learning through play..he'll have such a shock.

His teachers will have seen it all before...they will know how to help him.

phonix · 16/01/2011 16:03

You see each year group has a separate application process, so if you're being offered a place in reception and don't take it up, you start from scratch the following year and will have to submit a new application form for the following year group.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 16:03

Oh sorry missed some posts. Thanks so much for the reassurance cargirl and vicbar. He just seems so young. He still looks like a rather large baby. He is also very easily led, very innocent and loving. Will they just eat him alive?

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ghostlysilvershred · 16/01/2011 16:03

What is the deadline for you to apply for a place this September?

In England most send their August babies for Reception, partly because they would often lose their place at that school otherwise.

I think going straight into year 1 would be more of a shock for a just 5 year old, than going into reception would be for a four year old, especially if they'll let him do some short days at first.

Don't miss the deadline for the Reception application for this year though, or your ds may not get a place in the same school as his sister at all.

If you defer, they'll give his Reception place to another child and you'll be relying on a child leaving to make a space for him in year 1 at that school, or he'll get a place at some other school that has a year 1 space.

shubiedoo · 16/01/2011 16:05

It sounds as though Reception is more like preschool... so in that case I would send him for shorter days or not everyday, at least for the first term.

Original poster

baskingseals · 16/01/2011 16:08

ok thanks again, I see what you mean about the difference between reception and year one, I think I'll probably have to take the leap of faith, but it's giving me butterflies just typing this. Perhaps he will surprise me. I don't mind about academic brilliance, it's his happiness that is the most important thing.

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