please help - should ds start school this Sept or not?

[baskingseals]

Ds1 will be 4 on the 25th August this year. Dh and other people in the family think he should start school the following week. I am really torn about it. I like having him around, and I think he is too young to go anyway. Dh says it's about my inability to let go. I really don't know what to think. He will either be the absolute youngest or oldest in his year (if he goes next year). I just wondered if anybody had any experience of this sort of situation and could give some advice. Thanks.

I wouldn't defer him but I would take advantage of him doing half/part days until he is ready for more.

I would also however consider re-starting him at a pre-school nursery to help him get a feel for the sort of environment he will be entering in September. (as shubiedoo has mentioned, this means that there is less of a culture shock for him when he starts reception).

Just talk to the teacher about it, they have seen it all before. 2 of mine started reception on the SEN list and yes I found it hard but it was fine, they were fine and they have found school very positive.

I remember with dd2 (June birthday) my childminder (who used to be a primary teacher) and I discussing how she was going to cope with school - we both had our reservation and then suddenly over the summer she seemed to mature a bit more. 8 months is long time at this age he may well surprise you at the changes that happen between now and then.

You could take them up on their offer that he could do mornings only.

That way he won't get too tired, but will get used to school, learn some good things, and mix with his school year group from the beginning.

And you'd get to do fun things with him in the afternoon !

( Mother of two older children, and Reception class teaching assistant/ former teacher )

There are a few boys in DDs school who look like "rather large babies" they're fine!

One of my sisters started school just after turning 4 (birthday was 20 July). She was probably one of brightest in her year but I think she was probably more of an exception than a rule. This was over 25 yrs so not sure if things have changed but remember when in the last yr of primary school, there was a few girls who repeated that year because they had late birthdays. My elsest sister also had a July birthday and she struggled at school, not sure if this was due to her age but perhaps the less capable should maybe wait until the following yr to start school. Not sure how you judy capability/maturity etc in a 4yr old though.

You could try mornings only, then try say three full days per week after Christmas or Easter. Whatever works for you and him the best. You have the luxury of trying it all out and working out what is best for you.

He will never be the oldest I'm afraid as by deferring you would go straight into Y1 which would be a very big shock.

DD's class has a little girl whose birthday is 30 Aug. She started full-time from Sep and managed with no problems at all so you never know.

If you do defer make sure you know all the rules in your LEA in case you lose the reception place completely.

Yes I will talk to the teacher again and the head teacher - it is a lovely little village school - but children are children, I think I'm worried he's going to be teased or taken advantage of in some way.

baskingseals - I think you need to talk to the LEA/School and see what your options are. If delaying his start means skipping Reception I wouldn't do it, if he can start Reception in January or next year I'd seriously consider it.

I think though that it would benefit him enormously for you to put him in pre-school now so he has a little time getting used to not being at home with you, it will make starting school much easier.

They wont eat him up - there will be a huge variety of children there - you DS will not be the only young one :)

he won't get teased or taken advantage of - ime especially in reception the older children tend to gravitate towards each other as do the younger ones so he will probably end up making friends with similar aged children.

maybe have another think about preschool again if it is local and the main feeder into the primary school then he can start to get used to a different environment and maybe develop some friendships with other children who may be in the same class as him.

thanks wimple - I wish I could upload photos - he looks like a child in a Mabel Lucie Atwell book, and it suits his personality too. Good suggestion about pre-school, we are actually going to try and bite the bullet again tommorow, but I suppose what worries me is that should I be forcing him to do this if he doesn't want to?

Very true too that he'll probably seem a lot more ready in 8 months time than he does now.

But as I said I'd take it gently and go for P/T at least to start with, and probably for as long as possible.

I think it's unlikely he'd be teased. Try not to worry about that. I've found that young children are very accepting of one another on the whole

I think the general feeling is that I should go for it. Thanks, it has helped me sort out my feelings about the whole thing - I'm just finding it really hard - almost quite panicky

Yes, you should be 'forcing' him to go even if he doesn't want to. You can see for yourself how having not made him go before has made him less ready for the next stage in his life (school).

I know they only seem so very little and I do think they start too early here (with pre school and school) but this is where we live and to buck that trend only disadvantages them unless you home school.

Yes it's worked out OK for some kids to miss preschool and start in reception and it's worked out OK for some kids to skip R and start Y1, but on the whole it's not a good idea.

He may start off rolling around under the table, but eventually he'll get bored of that and join in.

One thing that really helps is finding a 'best friend' - then they want to go to see that friend and play :)

OP - Can I just say SNAP. DS is also 4 on 25th August this year.

He will be starting reception as he is already in the pre-school attached to the primary so I want him to have the continuity of the friendships he has made.

I personally think, unless there is a really strong reason not to, they are more likely to struggle if they join reception late.

Anyway, it's immaterial for us - our LEA won't allow him to defer.

I have the confidence of having an older child already in Year 1 at the school though, and she is also and August child (though granted, more mature). I have every confidence in the school taking him along at his own learning rate. They do it all the time, after all.

Good luck

Can I just second the poster above who asked the question about application date?

Our deadline was yesterday (15th).

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the clause that came into effect for this year's intake. Basically you can accept the place offered for September, and not start sending him until the summer term if he is an August baby.

this might work very well. I intend to start my child (June b'day) in January while accepting his place for September. Schools now have to hold the place.

And no, I don't think you are being precious, it is too young for a lot of the kids but parents feel trapped because 'everyone else' is starting at just 4.

look at the DFE website about deferring primary entry, it's in section 2.69 of the document.

Indeed it has been suggested by some studies that starting too soon can be counterproductive in terms of long term results. Nowhere else in the world starts this young.

DCSF, sorry!

Deferred entry to primary schools

2.69 Admission authorities must allow parents of children who are offered a place at the school before they are of compulsory school age to defer their child?s entry until later in the school year. Where entry is deferred, admission authorities must hold the place for that child and not offer it to another child. The parent would not however be able to defer entry beyond the beginning of the term after the child?s fifth birthday, nor beyond the academic year for which the original application was accepted. This must be made clear in the admission arrangements for the school.

Just a thought but I think you might be inn danger of having missed the deadline for getting your appliaction into the LEA. Here in Surrey it had to be in by last Friday.

It might be wise to check when you have to apply by. If you do a late entry you might not get a place anyway initially so that might make the decision for you.

Cabbage that is really interesting - I had no idea. I didn't read anything about it in the news or anywhere - is it new for this year? Is it nationwide, or just your borough?

maybe you could send him in January? if you still dont feel he is ready. We are lucky here as there are two reception intakes at dds school, sept and jan.

but by the end of this summer, he will probably be ready to go tbh. i have a friend whose boy is mid august and he is fine.

It's all of England AFAIK Sycamore, and came into effect in Feb this year (or was it last year) but only for kids starting this sept. (ie turning 5 during the academic year 2011-2012)

It's not widely publicised and our HT didn't know about it (or said she didn't).

Not sure how it affects funding. But that's not our problem, it was recommended by Jim Rose to improve outcomes for late born children.

Right - am off to investigate.

Thanks Cabbage.