Anyone else irrationally obsessed with their dc academic abilities?

[mine24]

I try hard to not dwell on what book band, ability groups etc., my ds is on and in. The silly thing is he is only in year 1 and i know rationally that things will be up and down throughout his school life. But i find it hard not to worry and feel a bit competitive. Please help me chill out.

I find myself obsessing about it, but only because I know DS1's books don't remotely stretch him and despite voicing my concerns, they haven't moved him onto harder books. Luckily we have parents evening this week so I can talk to teacher about the academic side of stuff then. He's only in reception. I really need to chill.

Me! Look at some of my threads! I need help!

The thing is...I would rather be like this now and then balance out further down the line than have zero inerest or be too relaxed. I bet by the time our DC's get to year 4 we will have chilled out a lot.

I battle to not let my poor DC see my obsession....but it's had with me constantly checking upand quizzing!

Felt ashamed of myself last night after reading the thread on the number of sides of shapes indicating the hardness of the groups etc. circle easiest and square hardest. Then proceeded to quiz poor ds. I wish i didn't give two hoots about which group he is in.

Do you have more DC? I was like this with PFB, but once the younger DC started school, I could see all of their strengths and weaknesses compared to their siblings, and this helped me to calm down about it.

Also I relaised that I don't think it would be in any of my DC's interets to be the cleverest child in their class - this can be quite isolating. What I want is them to discover a love of learning as part of a peer group who are all bright and interested.

Oh, I'm much, much better now that DD is in year 2, so there is hope for you yet!

Although, we have been told that numeracy will be taught in ability groups this year and I found myself asking her who else was in her group. As if I would know who the maths geniuses (genii?) are!

I was with DD1, but now she's at secondary school I've realised that they change so much over the years. DD was very behind in year 2 and left year 6 with amazing results, so now I don't stress so much. DD2 and DS have a more chilled Mum.

He is very much my PFB. Already i can see how much more chilled i am with my dd re. things i used to worry about with ds.
I can see exactly what you are saying about being the cleverest in the class checkmate. I also look at the people i was at school with who were very clever and more often than not they are not doing any better than the rest of us now. I watched the apprentice last week and would be horrified if either of my dc turned out like them. yet by wanting my ds to be the best at everything that is what they are striving for. I need to keep looking long term.

my PFB is only 3. I think I may be a bit like this, but actually MN has helped me chill out!

I'm really passionate about education (hope to be a teacher) so I've read lots of threads on here, and they've helped me realise that there's a lot more to school than levels etc.

ATM I'm just enjoying seeing her learn about the world, whether it's counting or, as per our trip out recently, woodlice :o

I confess I still ring my parents when she does something new - I'm a very proud mummy. But I don't, and hope I never will, give a damn about where she is in comparison with her friends - that could be harmful at a young age as their month of birth has more impact. both my DCs are summer babies.

I do think it's very important to take an interest in their education. and of course we want to help our children be the best they can! my DSDs don't have that at home with their mum and it's really set them back. :(

I am like this too. Not too bothered about reading levels as long as she is reading well but I am worried about everything and just cannot relax no matter what I try.

I like this thread by the way. I know I am not alone. I am obssessed and feel guilty. I am really trying to stop and just be there for them. I hope I can learn somethings from here.

mine24
where is the thread about the number of sides please? I must have missed that one

Thanks
Oh and no, not overly obsessed, but I do feel stupidly proud when he moves up a level, and I do still phone the whole family when he achieves something

Hi DreamTeamGirl. It is in this thread 'Can someone PLEASE explain to me how DSs teacher last year ...' from last Friday. This is definately the case in my ds class. Circle is bottom group, then triangle then square.

I also phone the whole family when my ds does something great at school. We all think he is a genius, but at some point i will have to accept that he isn't. That is the hard part.

We don't have groups....our school shifts them every two weeks...so they don't settle into gossipy patterns and so they mix.

Thanks Mine24
Will go and have a look xx

I love that your school don't have groups ValentinCrimble. I do find myself asking most days what group he was in today - just to check he hasn't moved down!!!
Today i am going to turn over a new leaf and try not to mention things so specifically.

I went into the classroom today and realised that at carpet time they sit in rows depending on what table they're in, with the most advanced at the front and the "bottom" at the back!
I absolutely loathe myself for caring which table ds sits on and am currently concerned with the prospect of demotion. It's absolutely crazy of me I know but in my defence, I blame:
a) schools for doing this setting so early because I worry that it's self-fulfilling
b) the mother who said to me in y1, 'well done to your ds for being promoted to [name of her ds]'s table'. Like he'd gone up to the premiership or something.
I too am hoping that with my subsequent dcs I won't give a monkey about it.

Polly
Surely you should, if anything, have those with more need at the front where you can see them and they you... Do they have dunces caps to pass out too?????

My PFB is in Reception and brought home his first reading book last week. He found it really easy and quickly got bored with us trying to get him to read it to us every night. He did all the suggested comprehension exercises, some we made up for him. We tried covering the pictures, reading pages in random order. I hope the book they send home with him today is a bit more challenging.

I agree with you PollyP. I cannot stand the levels thing. It only brings unecessary pressure. No parent wants dcs to be behind so if one isn't sure how they are doing,pressure would definitely mount.
I do not think mine is entirely the 'levels' but mostly that I have no idea how they are taught or what is expected of them or how to help my dd. I do not know if I am expecting too much or too little. How well should they read/write/do sums at this level(Yr1)? I do not know so guess the 'forums' don't help a lot too when one reads about dcs and you feel that is what is expected. I have learnt a lot from forums but sometimes I wish I could tear myself from them.
I am a tiny bit more relaxed than I was a few weeks ago,thanks to chatting on here(the irony!) so I hope I can stop worrying and just guide and support.

I have an older son with learning difficulties and still worry about the progress of my younger one despite him being very able. My parents were not like this with me and I did very well academically (postdoctoral quals from a state comprehensive background). I'm wondering if the 'nanny state' and advertising for products constantly preaching to us that without us parenting in a certain way / buying the latest gadget for learning /signing up for six out of school activities per week...we arent being great parents!! We should ENJOY our children and not constantly stress out about them..Im sure they sense this stress and it impacts upon them.

I feel just like you Sammiez. I find the forums very useful because i don't talk to real life mums about school, abilities etc. so i haven't got a clue of what my ds should be doing. But sometimes they make me totally stressed eg. by the whole of mrz year 1 writing A4 pages (just when i thought my ds was a great writer), or some 2 year old knowing how to read bb 6, just when i thought my ds was a great reader.

It bothered me with my PFB but that's because I wasn't sure whether he was doing ok Now with number five I'm so laid back I'm horizontal

This whole focus is understandable but it is not in the childs interest and it is becoming an endless circle of frustration for everyone involved.

People are silently imploring their children to do better, be academic, be the best. Then the children pick up these vibes and get sucked into the mind set that exams and doing well are the means to an end. They go to uni get a job, get married, have kids and spend their hard earned moving to where the good schools are or paying school fees.....

It is bloody madness.

I can understand the stress/pressure when a child is 15 but at 6 or 7 or 8.
At that age no one has any real ideas about what their strengths will be. Everything is based around reading ability which tells you a bit but not much.

And the best educated, the smartest children are not the happiest. The richest are not the happiest for that matter.

I was at DS1s careers evening a few years ago. We turned up with DS and asked who he wanted to see, who he wanted to talk to. he chose a tv director, a child psycologist and a journalist.
While we were waiting we watched some of his friends sitting with their parents in queues to talk to accounts or actuaries or solicitors. The boys all loooked like they were trying to think of ways to kill themseleves with a ball point pen.

This bloody hamsters wheel is so stupid because we are so keen to win the race we don't even think about what the prize we are chasing is.
Would anyone really want a genius child. Do they seem happier or more fulfilled?

I want my children to strive to be the best they can be. I want them happy and fulfilled, decent and loving. I want them to have as few struggles as possible but I don't think the template life of big house , big car, two kids in good school is about much except fear.

Please chill. You don't want to be a parent to a nerd, do you?

Make sure your DS has lots of out-of-school interests and is progressing across the board.

Good post Pag.