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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

8 year old threatened with exclusion because he won't sit still in class

70 replies

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 19:24

I'm at my wits end with my ds school. It would seem he just won't sit still and distracts the other children. Otherwise he seems to be doing ok. I love him dearly and have very little issues with him at home but have noticed he finds it hard to sit still at home too. He's bursting with energy! The school appear at a loss as to what to do with him and I don't know what I can do when I'm not in class with him. I could cry with frustration. Poor little DS desperately sad too. I'd really value any ideas!

OP posts:

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mrz · 07/10/2010 19:34

Has the school actually mentioned "exclusion"?

cat64 · 07/10/2010 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Anenome · 07/10/2010 19:39

Poor kid! It just doesn't ssuit some kids to sit still all day...have they actually said the word exclusion?

Whizzz · 07/10/2010 19:47

if its a behaviour issue, I suggest you talk to the teacher & the school SENCO. They can then decide on a plan to support him in class. I can't believe that the only thing the school have said about this in terms of a 'solution' is the chance of exclusion!

chandra · 07/10/2010 19:49

I would say that if the school has got to the point to consider exclusion, it should be because they think your child needs more help than they can provide.

I would start by contacting the GP and asking for advice, normal restless behaviour is common in children and most schools can ignore it up to a certain level, if they decided to talk to you it's because things are reaching a worrying level and they expect you to take some proactive action about it, perhaps not in telling him of but seeking more specialised help?

Feenie · 07/10/2010 19:51

The drip feed started in the op - it's gone from 'because he won't sit still' in the title to ''and he distracts other children in the first post. So how exactly is he distracting other children? I think that is more likely to be the cause for such serious concern.

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 20:00

Hi, sorry didn't mean to 'scaremonger' or 'drip feed'. I'm new to this, so point taken and I'll learn to be more thorough in future. Son has had issues sitting still for a few years (around 3), he's a bit of a class clown it would seem but otherwise not really particularly badly behaved. My son rang me tonight (he's at his dads) to say the deputy head threatened him with exclusion if he was brought in to see him again. It may not be true, I haven't confirmed it with the head yet - I'll ring in the morning. I went to parents evening last night and his new teacher said she didn't really know what to do with him to get him to sit still. She said he's very popular and doing quite well academically. I'm really worried - I just don't know what to do to make it better. I've thought about the GP re ADHD but I really don't think he is. He's just very energetic and gets bored easily... or maybe I should just get him checked out?

OP posts:

Whizzz · 07/10/2010 20:05

I'd certainly go in & ask to speak to the SENCO, they should have the experience to know whether your son is just getting bored & restless or needs further medical opinion

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 20:10

Thanks Whizzz, I'll do that tomorrow.

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thisisyesterday · 07/10/2010 20:10

it's hardly drip feeding is it?

she'd have had a bloody long title if she explained it all there rather than "drip feed" by explaining it in the first post

people are so quick to get angry and accuse people of lying on here these days.

cat64's post was especially harsh and unhelpful

have we all forgotten how to be civil?

OP- I think it would not be unreasonable of the school to expect children of 8 to be able to sit still.
so, i would think there must be some underlying issue. whether that's a behavioural issue or whether he just enjoys clowning around is something you'll have to figure out
has the SENCO at school been involved at all? there is a book called "how to raise your spirited child" which has a chapter in it about children who find it really, really difficult to stop moving... might be worth a read?

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 07/10/2010 20:12

It sounds like he might have AHDH, I would second having a word with the SENCO. Being really energetic, gettig bored easily, inability to sit still, distracting other children all point to ADHD symptoms. He may also be intelligent, sensitive, creative, dreamy, hyper-focused on certain acivities, some children have poor social skills but really want to fit in.

If he does have it then it is important that he gets the correct diagnosis and treament as it will make such a difference to his life. Don't ignore it, get him seen by somebody in the field who can give you a proper diagnosis one way or another.

ConnorTraceptive · 07/10/2010 20:14

Agree with thisisyesterday some people are jumping all over the OP who only wants some help FGS!

I think you definately need to speak to the deputy head and find out what was said he may have meant excluded from the classroom rather than school.

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 20:15

Thanks so much thisisyesterday. It does appear to be a bit harsh and for someone a little more vulnerable they might have found it really difficult to continue a dialogue. I take on board the need to be exact but it's difficult to always do that with a limited space. Anyway, that's not my issue. Really good advice about discussing things with the SENCO. I'll give her a ring tomorrow. It really does need to stop. It's not good for DS or the class and lovely teacher. I'll go online now to get the book you recommend thisis.. thanks so much.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 20:17

Yes, I didn't think about being excluded from class. I suspect that's more likely the case.

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alltheboys · 07/10/2010 20:33

New to this and don't know how to post a link but have you watched Ken Robinson's talk to the TED conference about our education system, its on youtube. He argues our current system kills creativity and educates our children from the neck up. In it, he mentions case similar to yours where the child couldn't sit still and school weren't happy. Said 'trouble pupil' turned out to be one of the most successful ballerinas/choreographers of our day. Not all children were designed to sit still.

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 21:11

Wow... I'm now officially a Ken Robinson fan. The man should have his own tv show. I absolutely agree with the concept of oppressing creativity but there simply aren't the foundations available for all of our children to be what they want to be. I'd love my DS to be a world renowned choreographer (and why shouldn't he be?) but the reality is I have to work with what we've got. I do have to say that I am now inspired and feel better equipped to face the school tomorrow. I've had an epiphany too (God help us), I'm taking my little DS to dance and drama (as he's always requested) at the weekend - sod the expense... thanks alltheboys - you're fantastic and inspirational.... I bet you don't hear that all the time!

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IndigoBell · 07/10/2010 21:15

Things that help my DS to sit still are his MoveNSit cushion and fidget toys. He has dyspraxia and the Occupational Therapist came into school to advise on things that might help.....

(It definately could be dyspraxia rather than ADHD - or nothing)

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 21:20

Thanks IndigoBell. I'll have a read on the subject and check out a cushion and fidget toys. I'll also discuss this as an option with the teachers tomorrow. I'm so pleased to have a range of ideas to take with me. This has been so helpful!

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sageygirl · 07/10/2010 21:52

Hello

I had a similar thing - DS used to pogo up and down at his desk all day in reception and Yr 1- he did the work but couldn't keep still. School were lovely about it and let him. And we are lucky - he's now Yr 3 and has started to sit most the time. In his case he just needed a couple more years than the average to calm down a little - though he remains very energetic. He does cross county running club and this helps too.

So - he might just grow out of it soon - and if he's sporty give him lots of chances to burn his energy up.

Good luck, I'm sure he's great fun. Not able to sit still is not the same as badly behaved in my view - though I appreciate that if it's disruptive a school might think differently - but they need to meet his needs too.

Original poster

Bettiboo · 07/10/2010 21:58

Thanks sageygirl. My DS is adorable and I love his energy. He can sit through movies at the cinema no problem and has done for years. I think he is disruptive in class and I can understand his teachers frustrations. They're really good at the school and I want to support them as much as I can but sometimes don't know what else I can do. I wonder if I'm a bit pathetic and should discipline DS more but can't internally justify it because he can't sit still.... does that make sense? I want him to behave but don't want to be overly punitive at the same time.

OP posts:

admission · 07/10/2010 22:08

No matter what your child might or might not have other than plenty of energy there is an issue with the school over what is going on.

Pupils moving around and disturbing others is annoying but is not something for which the school should be considering an exclusion. If the deputy head is making such a statement then they are either way over the top in making this threat or the behaviour of your son is much worse than has been stated.

If it is the later then the school should be taking forward appropriate measures to establish exactly what the problem is and putting in place alternative strategies for dealing with the behaviour. Again you need to find out what the school is or is not doing.

Any exclusion for what is alleged in the post should be challenged. There is a limit to what you can challenge but the other thing you need to know is that the deputy head cannot exclude a pupil. Only the head can make that decision . If the deputy is using this as a threat against your son then they have a lot to learn about how to manage and lead a school.

You need to talk to the school in detail and find out what is going on, but don't panic.

cuppatino · 07/10/2010 22:29

I used to have a boy in my class who needed to move around a lot. I personally felt that it was ok for him to do this within reason, so he sat at the back of the class and would have a wander around every so often on the carpet area behind him.
The other children very quickly ceased to notice him doing it and it benefited everyone; he stopped fiddling and fidgeting and distracting and I stopped having to remind him not to!

Would this be an option, or is this something that you feel the teacher won't consider?

cat64 · 07/10/2010 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

basildonbond · 07/10/2010 23:46

ds1 has Tourette's and at 8 found it completely impossible to sit still for any length of time - in y4 his teacher was great and used his energy rather than fighting it - he'd be the one to hand things out, to wipe the board, to take a message to the office etc etc

unfortunately it all fell to pieces in y5 when he had a rubbish teacher :(

anyway, he's now y9 and the tics have subsided and he's generally much less hyper - he also does enormous amounts of exercise which channels all the hyperness into something positive

shellye · 07/10/2010 23:57

I have a child in year 2 who I suspect is exactly like your DS. She is in a private co-ed and has been there since 3. We have had countless meetings with school about her lively spirit and her disruptiveness. She is like no other child I have met.

I can understand school becoming exasperated by her and her constant questions to which they limit. Her concentration is poor and if someone walks into the class she is lost for the rest of the lesson.

She has fiddle bracelets. Didn't really work, and a cushion. School said she needed a padded cell in which to be taught! I sometimes wonder why we keep her there.

She is improving with age though. Its about time schools celebrated the unique kids and recognise that not all kids can be taught in the standard ways. She remains a very bright and happy child, why should we change her. She has had assessments this year to see what spectrum she is on. We did not want to label her though, just wanted to see if school could use some coping techniques, and us for that matter.

I wish schools would stop putting kids into neat boxes. My DD will never fit in one and I am glad. Good luck.X

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