pushy parent?

[crepe]

This is a term often banded about. I wonder of any teachers or parents can define what it means. Enlighten me please.

God, this has got me wondering "Am I a pushy parent" too. IMO a parent who works with their child to support what they do in school is not pushy - phew! thats me then! - I would define pushy as someone who has unrealistic expectations and forces their child to do stuff that they do not want to, surely in the long-run counter-productive.

My middle DD is very able across the board, particularly in Literacy and has always loved books, so it has not really come as a surprise that she is in the top tier; she is self-motivated to learn, which I think is the crucial point - the only person she is competitive with is herself.

I'm sure you're right roadart. Maybe it's a stage I have to go through, like feeling chewed over inside when a jelly baby came within a mile of dd. But it feels important to do the school books at the moment, gives me a sense of how her reading is progressing and actually, we enjoy them. I can't imagine the same will be true for dc 3 but I'll have a better idea by then. Reception and early years still a foreign country to me!

I think thats why I said it Littlebylittle. Some of the comments have made me feel that maybe I am pushy, but as far as Im concerned I want my kids to be able to do the best they can, not just stick at average because thats what the class does

However, over time, I have realised that some of my battles have been pointless, that teachers do know what they are doing and we need to trust them

A pushy parent is one who imposes their own agenda of after school activities, work at home, etc. rather than following the lead of what their child really loves, needs or is interested in. So a parent who allows a bright eight year old access to adult books on astronomy because they ask for them is not pushy - a parent who makes their young child read "the classics" when they obviously hate it is.

flamingtoaster - I think that is it in a nut-shell, imposing your agenda rather than being child-lead.

pinkgirlythoughts, what if a child wants to do more and asks for extra homework, rather than the parent asking? what would your reaction to this be?

IMO a pushy parent is one who is oblivious to the needs of other parents and children. I am really pleased when parents show an interest in their child's education and support them at home; we are a partnership. I am happy to share as much information as I can. But parents that want a long chat every morning about school work, when they can see the children need me and it is already register time I label pushy. I offer time after school and explain that I can't talk now because ... but they return the following morning to ask about how their DC got on with their maths, etc. One even carried on trying to talk to me when I walked off (after saying "excuse me") to comfort a crying child who had forgotten their packed lunch!
The other type of parent we identify is the 'hot house' parent. The parent that finds old Y2 SATs papers and makes their DC repeat all the tests over and over until they get every question right. Not surprising their child is stressed when we actually do the test papers in school.

Fantastic! We quite often have optional 'extra' homework, and a few of the children do choose to take it, which shows that they're really keen on the subject we've been doing, and interested to learn more. But I think that as a school, we do give quite a lot of homework anyway, so it's quite understandable that most children don't want to volunteer to do more!

Abigail, absolutely, for me it's the ones who don't "do the maths" and work out whether similar contact with the teacher could be given to all parents. Except for specific additional needs, temporary or long term. So the odd comment in reading diary, politely phrased, fine. An occasional meeting for a few mins after school, fine. Daily collaring of teacher for updates, when the class is waiting, not fine.
I've noticed our school doesn't have many pushy parents according to that definition. They have a "look at work books whenever you want, our door is always open" policy, which along with not being defensive about parents' comments seems diffuse worries.

My "definition" of a pushy parent is quite different to those above...the mum's I consider pushy are just that! They barge their way in pushing children and other parents out of the way so that they can be seen usually for something quite mundane such as A left his favourite pencil at school last night and was quite distraught can I check it is still there? or B doesn't like gravy so could you wash it off the meat at lunch (yes that one is genuine!) or C wants to sit next to D ...

A pushy parent prioritises their wants and desires over everyone else's, often including their own child's.
A pushy parent can't understand equality and fair shares, because they are egocentric and unwilling to accept the division of attention required by a teacher, or anyone else who has more than their own children to care for.
They are also ferociously aware of other children in relation to their child, usually to compare.
They are usually hostile, inflexible and rude, and usually in a minority.
Thank God.

A pushy parent prioritises their wants and desires over everyone else's, often including their own child's.

Wow, I'm paranoid!
I just went through thaat sentence letter by letter to check for spelling and grammar mistakes, then I worked out that you might be agreeing with me mrz.

sorry I was!

I think a pushy parent is one who is insecure about their child's abilities so is constantly trying to make out their child is better than they really are.

If your child comes from bright genes there is no need to be a pushy parent because you have the confidence to know your child will be okay.

Pushy parents are unable to face reality and can be very insensitive when it comes to other kids. Kids learn at different rates. Get a grip and stop comparing!

"They are also ferociously aware of other children in relation to their child, usually to compare."

I agree with that one, Goblinchild. Every week at swimming I overhear this (awful) woman practically yodelling about reading. One week her "friend" said her ds was reading Swallows & Amazons (the Holy Grail of reading book for middle class pushy parents). The next week Pushy Mother couldn't wait to say that her ds had read it in the week but it hadn't really stretched him. Miaow.

Last time SarahKwong posted on this thread she was a freelance journalist and had her message deleted...

Irregular verb: I care, you encourage, they push

perhaps Sarah's gone back to school {naive smiley]

Indeed - don't believe you, sarahkwong, you were a journalist last week. Same thread, too!

And there she goes again! Any bets on what she'll be next week?

Amfibianna said further up "life is a competition"
So I'm wondering
Who are the judges?
What are the criteria?
How do we know if we've succeeded ? [hmmm]

Pushy does suggest that someone is trying to get in front of the other- but where are we actually going?

People think I'm pushy because ds1 would really beg for maths workbooks or computer manuals when he was little. He went and bought a calculator yesterday. He also has that studious geeky look about him But I don't look in his school bag from year to year

I believe entry for jobs is competitive. I don't know many jobs given out at random. I believe that university entry is competitive. I believe that GCSE grades are given out on merit. I believe that entry to some schools is based on performance at interview and exam.

Unless Asisine is getting into the religious realm in which case the answer would be theological.

I just meant when I read 'life is a competition', that it is an interesting idea. Of course all those things are competitive but I don't think they not add up to equal life. Everyone's notion of success in life for their children or for themselves is probably unique but we are often swept up in a generic race along the lines of exams, schools, jobs etc. I succeeded in those ways, but found myself high up the wrong career ladder for me. Now i've effectively jumped off that ladder my life is less successful by most measures, but I feel happier.
If we are talking about being pushy or not, it is good to know that if we are pushy that we are pushing in the right direction for each child.
More philosophical than theological, except perhaps for those who think success will be judged in the afterlife.