Progress in school and SAHM vs WOHM

[starrychime]

DD is almost 7 and doing OK at school but it seems that most (not all) of those in the top group for reading etc are the kids of SAHMs. Feeling guilty as I work full time, no choice as it's just me and DD, we don't get in the house till about 5 then there's not much time for spending on homework, reading etc. I realise that even if we had hours of time in the evening it might not make a difference if the ability's not there but I was pretty good at school and am a bit that DD isn't zooming ahead at something, anything. Starting to make me a bit jealous about SAHMs which I never thought I would be. Can anyone reassure me that she won't suffer in the long term?

Well if you get in at five even with doing dinner and bedtime they'd be twenty minutes for her to read to you before bed wouldn't there ?
And you get catch up at weekends
don't beat yourself up about it

False correlation between being in the top group for reading and whether or not you sahm or wohm

I've always worked full time and been extra energetic at trying to engender a love of books in both DCs. DD whizzed along and was always right at the top of the top group. DS was a dumb cluck.

In all honesty, they had loads of parental input - far more than most - despite my working - and simply because I love books so it was an easy thing for me to do with them. But after a while, it's up to them.

tis a coincidence. She'll be fine.

I guess they are also all only children? ;o)

Because if you have say more than one child then you equally don't have hours to spend with one individual child.

My DD is pretty able and I am not a stay at home mum, plus she is one of 4 children so individual attention runs thin on the ground. Although my DS1 has picked up masses from his sister...

I am sure what happens in your case is a pure coincidence tbh. It sounds like you are worried about your child's progress, and that's not a WAHM versus SAHM debate...

Our primary said to do 10 minutes reading (by the kids) a night, from the school reading book. I used to listen to my kids read whilst I was cooking the evening meal - could you do that?

You could follow it up by reading her a bedtime story while you have a lovely snuggle together. About another 5-10 minutes.

And relax!

You could be right Amy - have posted before about stressful reading homework sessions, fidgeting etc. I really LOVED reading (still do) and am struggling to come to terms with the fact that DD isn't grabbing any book she can get hold of and trying to read and make progress. Have to cajole, bribe etc to get her to try the books from school they get.

Sorry - emy

In some ways my dd would do much better at school if I were at home with her. I remember a colleague saying to me that her classs may get the A* but it probably cost her own children a grade. I seem to spend my life saying to DD " in a minute" but that minute never comes.

However in some ways my dd is advantaged, she is in primary school but often comes and does her homework at the secondary at which I work. For example she had a science project at the end of the summer term, she came into school a few evenings and worked with our physics department accessing their books and equipment. If she needs any books or artefacts she just borrows them from my work.

I'm a SAHM, DS1 is doing really well at school but I don't do anything with him at all outside of what the school wants me to ie. spellings. I do read with him for 5/10 minutes at night before he goes to bed and thats it really.

I wouldn't worry, I think its to do with the child and not what you cram into them at home. They are at school most of the day so in my view they should learn there not when they are at home, unless they are for example really behind.

Parental input is one of the biggest factors in educational success, unless you are a supermum I would have thought that being a SAHM would be an advantage, particularly if you are well educated yourself.

Don't forget that children really do progress at uneven rates, and that education is a long game. Who remembers now what group they were in for reading in year 2? For what it's worth my mum worked full time and now two of the three of us have Phds.

"They are at school most of the day so in my view they should learn there not when they are at home, unless they are for example really behind."

Sorry but I do have to disagree with this. 6 hours a day, 5 days a week in a class of 30 really is not all that much when you look at how much there is out there 'to learn'. I really do hate this attitude. Parental involvement makes a HUGE difference to a child. Not in as simplistic a way as SAHM v WOHM, but children are very much led by parental views- if you show your kids that reading is fun and important then they will pick up on that. And IMO there are some things that should be taught by parents- sex ed, healthy eating, managing money.

OP, Don't stress about working, after all you are teaching your DD about the responsibilities of adult life etc. Just try to encourage her as much as you can, follow her interests, take her to interesting places, try to find some books which appeal. Or ask her to help you cook by reading a recipe, look at the bus timetable etc

I agree with Pozzled, so many children to a class and so little time. Much of the time is taken up on the social side of learning, managing behaviour, transit from class to class, organisation etc.

I did a time and motion study on schooling in local state ed and was astonished to find that I spent 12 plus hrs preparing DS for school and all other routine school dictated tasks such as letters etc. In terms of tutorial time it worked out to be less than 20 mins a week of one to one attention in school.

so anything you can do to support your child's learning will help. Why not start a project that can include visits to galleries or museums. This could be persued on a saturday togther. You can make it fun, with reading, writing, arts amd crafts and research.This will more than make up for the weekday reading. As for housework etc, blow it, turn a blind eye and enjoy spending time with your daughter. Most of all don't beat yourself up about it, I know some very lazy SAHM

IMO there is pleanty of time at the weekend to be supporting your DD's learning. I work PT, but I don't think my DC's education has suffered for it.

I am a SAHM and my son is near the top of his class for most things so far but he's only in Yr 1. I could read before I went to school and still love it but I totally didn't apply myself, especially during secondary school and could have done much better.

I am now studying for the degree I could have done ten years ago while my son is at school. He is aware of my love of reading and the fact that I'm also studying while he does but if, like me, he decides he doesn't want to go to College and Uni when he finishes his education, I very much doubt this will have anything to do with his academic ability.

In short, all you can do is encourage them as best you can but you can't force them forever - maybe my parents were lenient on me at the time but I'm on it now, albeit ten years later.

I don't think it has anything to do with SAHM -v- WOHM, you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink, all you can do is give it a gentle shove in the right direction.

I don't think it makes a massive difference. Studies have shown that the education, motivation and also wealth of parents makes the biggest impact on how well a child will do. You have to balance it as well - be interested and supportive, keep up with their school work etc. without actually doing it for them or pushing them at it. Sooner or later they will be learning stuff that you can't help with and if they are used to you being heavily involved they may lose motivation.

Anecdotally, both my parents worked full time and I was always advanced at school.

Many of us have to work weekends as well.

Im a SAHM and have 2 very different DDs.

DD1 hated reading from day 1, reads v little for pleasure. Is a straight A student, about to start uni.

DD2 LOVES reading, she spent the summer reading all 7 Harry Ptter books. Is not a grade A student, but a much more rounded person than her sister.

Its so individual, children develop at different ages, and have different interests and abilities.

Just try to find a bit of time each night for help with any homework and a bed time story.

pozzled - as I said my son is doing really well at school. He is in the top 2/3 in the class for reading/maths/writing etc. Therefore the school must be doing something right!

I refuse to hothouse either of my children. As I said in my previous post if he was behind in anything I would help him out and I do obv encourage him. We have books all round our house, he himself has a book case full. We do go on trips out to museums, galleries etc from time to time but there is NO WAY I would come home and expect him to write about it unless he wanted to.

I work from home so am technically SAHM but often frazzled and firing emails while they watch tv. But this year I've decided to put in more effort with homework because they are bright kids but were falling behind. I've done the tiniest amounts but already my son who can't spell is spelling far better, and today after school we did some maths and I discovered my other son can't subtract as easily as he can add so we spent some time working out what he found hard. Clearly some basics had just not sunk in last year and the teacher hadn't noticed. He really struggled with some fundamental concepts and if I hadn't sat down to discuss this with him, I'd not have known. Early days, but I'm hoping 10 minutes input every night will pay off. That's all you'd need to do. It's one to one, so much more intense and tailor made to your child than a whole day in school.

I think parental input is VERY imporant at this age. I taught my August ds how to read during the Summer holidays.
I am a working mother, but felt that it was important to help my child in order to facilitate his entry into year 1.
He has just started year 1 and his new teacher cannot believe that he is the same child who left reception just over 6 weeks ago. I do feel that some parents are simply lazy and do not make enough effort with their childs education, they expect the school to do everything. It was hard work to teach my son how to read but i did it.
I do appreciate that some posters have children with special needs etc. The others however are just plain lazy.

But what about the message a SAHM sends to their kids - particularly their girls? Would you like your DD's ambition in life to be a SAHM?

Their are loads of pros and cons to working vs staying at home. And in some ways your kids do suffer. But on the other hand they have a great role model to look up to - you.

There is absolutely no way I want my children to aspire to stay at home - so there is no way I am role modelling that for them.

So many factors to take into account regarding educational attainment including:

Child's ability;
Gender;
Age in relationship to the school year (e.g. in England autumn born are at an advantage / summer born a disadvantage);
Parents' education (especial advantage if mum is a graduate);
Family income and habit of work (not good to be in a workless household);
Community you live in (relative deprivation or not); and
Quality of the pre-school and schools attended.

Last stats I looked at showed the best attainment at secondary was among those whose mums worked part-time, but there are so many other factors to consider I think you just need to chose a way that fits you and your family.

But what about the message a SAHM sends to their kids - particularly their girls? Would you like your DD's ambition in life to be a SAHM?

I think very few little girls have ambitions of being SAHM or maybe its just the ones I know. Most SAHM I know, again, do it out of necessity because of high childcare costs for a couple of years or so then go back to work when all their children are at school fulltime.

I would never want the implication to be that SAHM are lazy nor that they will never work again, therefore being a bad role model. In the same way I would not imply that working mums should spend more time with their children. Children need to learn that everyone and their circumstances are different, what suits some won't suit others and most importantly tolerance.