4 year old got outside school gate today to car park

[Triggles]

I am extremely upset as when I went to pick up my 4yo DS (on his 3rd day of reception), the teacher told me that he had gotten out of the school gate from the playground and into the driveway and carpark, which is laid out so that about 30 feet to the left is a major busy street. I am absolutely livid, as:

1 - we were told the reception children didn't go into the main playground but played in a separate more secure playground. (which I'm now being told is not correct, that they play in the main playground for about 45 minutes at lunchtime)

2 - the teacher made great pains to state that the reason this happened was because he (DS) opened the gate and walked out, which the children are not supposed to do, and that "none of the other children have a problem with this rule" so now he has to sit/stand with one of the dinner ladies that monitors the playground during this time and hold their hand instead of playing. (rather than simply locking or monitoring the gate instead )

3 - I told his teachers (2 of them, they job-share) that he is a runner and will need extra attention until he is clear on the rules of where he can and cannot go. And that the first week or so would probably be the worst as he would be feeling a bit "exploratory" (isn't that pretty much common sense??) in a new surrounding. The teacher today said "well, we don't have enough staff to monitor him 1 on 1".. well, okay, then LOCK the stupid gate or monitor the GATE when they are out there playing.

I was very clear with her that I was not happy with the situation, especially that he was put in danger. She also mentioned in passing that on Friday he had made for the gate... (nobody told us about this!) shouldn't this have put them on guard about him and the gate so that today's incident shouldn't have happened??

I just get absolutely ill thinking about what could have happened... what if they hadn't found him in the carpark?? There is a main entrance directly to the road right there (in fact, he would have had to cross the small road by the carpark, which has limited view, so cars coming from either direction wouldn't see him until they were right on top of him. And another entrance on the other side of the carpark (it's a small carpark and he could be across it in a matter of minutes) that is always open as well, so he'd be out and lost in an unfamiliar neighbourhood. of course, there's the obvious concern about getting run over by a car as well.

I'm thinking of speaking to the head tomorrow and telling them I am not happy with this situation. The teacher thinks that he should be holding hands (for 45 minutes??) with the dinner lady on the playground and not playing tomorrow and then they are going to put a sign on the gate to remind him not to go through it. Personally, I think the gate should simply be secured during school hours and unlocked at beginning and end of school day, just like the other pedestrian gate. This is just a little wooden halfgate that is only closed by a shoot bolt. Doesn't this seem a more reasonable option??

I am also concerned that they are quick to point the finger at a 4 year old, rather than the fact that their lack of supervision allowed him to get to the carpark. Yes, he needs to be warned about safety, but it's his 3rd day.. and he's 4... and it's an insecure gate which makes it unsafe IMO...

I also question whether or not they advised the dinner ladies on the playground that he was a runner and a concern. I suspect not, as the teacher stated that they have NOW been warned. I'm so angry!!!! And I don't feel confident AT ALL in their ability to keep my child safe.

Any opinions or suggestions would be helpful, as right now I am simply to cross and freaked out to think clearly.

Actually, I agree with you Triggles that the school is very lax. I don't think it is acceptable to rely on a just-4-year old boy to remember that he cannot go through that one gate at that one time as well as remembering all the hundreds of other new things he has to remember on starting school at the same time as dealing with all the confusion and newness of it all.

Perhaps everyone who disagrees has miracle 4 year old children who do everything they are told, and don't do anything forbidden, on the first time of asking.

from the perspective of a 4 year old a gate can look very different when it is busy at hometime with lots of parents going through and when it is playtime.

yeah i am playing devil's advocate really.

i think tho that the school are being too quick to lay blame entirely on the child

and the OP is being too quick to lay it entirely on the school

to be fair, if they've never ever had another ch9ild do this you can see why it isn't an issue for them, and why they would blame the child rather than themselves no?

agree

I think OPshould have spoken to the Head. Phoning Ofsted is a bit drastic I think, but it's done now.

I honestly don't know if he realised it led OUT of the school - for all I know he just recognised it as the gate he's gone through with us a few times and went through it. He's 4, and was on his 3rd day of school. I still haven't even gotten a straight answer on specifically what happened. All they would say was that he got out of the gate and went into the carpark. It's not a big school gate, like the metal ones, it's a waist high wooden gate around the main playground. Just outside the wooden gate is the carpark, the main road to the left, and a couple other school buildings to the right. With 2 metal gates that are open throughout the day (the main gate to the carpark and a smaller pedestrian gate).

I've asked him to tell me what happened but he just gets upset and starts to cry and say sorry over and over. He was upset and clingy all evening. We were careful to reinforce to him that the gate is off limits and he is not to open it or go through it without us, but as soon as the gate is mentioned he gets upset. I will say I'm curious and want to find out what specifically happened and how they dealt with him initially, and I haven't gotten an straight answer on that either. Normally if he does something he shouldn't, depending on what it is, he's told off, sent to his room, activity curtailed - whatever is appropriate to the situation. And he will admit that he did it, and apologise. And he's pretty good (for the most part) about not doing it again. So I'm going to push for a bit more detail, as they were very vague about what happened and spent more time telling me how they were going to punish him tomorrow, which to me seems a bit inappropriate. I would have preferred to have dealt with it in an appropriate manner today so that he can relate it specifically to this incident. And then reinforce the rules as necessary.

And I don't think I'm being all PFB about it (especially since he's our third child out of four), as I fully agree he shouldn't have gone through the gate and that he needs to learn the rules. But my concern is that he needs to actually have a bit of time to LEARN the new rules and boundaries. It's reception - they've had a million and one new things thrown at them and he made a mistake. But shouldn't they be watching for this type of thing the first couple weeks of school, when they're bringing in new reception children every couple days for the first couple weeks??

cornsilk - if you check my last post on page 2, you'll see why I did call Ofsted. It was for advice regarding whether or not there were particular safety rules that may have been breached - I wanted to know precisely what should and should not have been the school's responsibility before I went in to speak to the head. It was NOT to make a complaint.

Triggles I think because you told the school twice that he was a runner and would need time to adjust and learn the school rules that you are being completely reasonable.

I certainly don't think the punishment fits the crime - completely wasted on him, are they then going to trust him every day afterwards to not try and run again?

actually, children start school younger now than they used to, and schools need to protect them (to all those who said, in my day, we just knew not to go out etc etc)
what about the child 4yo whose house is opposite the school gates?
i agree the school are at fault here and their solution of holding the adults hand for 45 minutes is inappropriate.
a many pronged approach will prevent the situation from arising again -
a gate that four year olds can't open
better standards of adult vigilance (basically the adults on duty at the time and all others need to be spoken to)
child needs to be spoken to about gate rules and moving around school generally
all children need a general talk on playground behaviour - i can't believe tiggles son is the only one who might try this
imo many sen children and some without additional needs would behave in this way at this age.

in the meantime, getting one of the dinner ladies to stand near to the gate shouldn't be too difficult.
the head should do all this, imo.

our primary school doesn't even have fences, let alone gates. the children know that the school area is defined by the edge of the playground (shingle) on one side, the car park on the other, and the road/ track in front and behind.

Our school has open access one side and an unlocked gate directly from the infant playground, I think like has already been said this is due to fire exits from the hall.
The issue is that you had warned the class teacher and therefore there seems to be a communication breakdown between the lunchtime staff who should have been informed of any children with 'behaviour issues/concerns' (speaking as a mother with a Dd with social problems).Maybe the school needs to review their procedures for next September to prevent this happening again.

Think it is very difficult Triggles. On one hand can completely understand your anger/frustration at the situation. I'm sure I would have been livid had it ben my child.

On the other hand, as you say, the school has lots of new children starting (as well as the rest of the school) and it is difficult to pass on all information about all children to all staff. Your son clearly knows that he has done something wrong and I would end discussion of it. Perhaps just reiterate the rules when you take him in tomorrow. To be honest, I think I would have concentrated on the basic safety rules rather than general classroom behaviour if I knew my child was going to need lots of time and repetition to learn both sets.

My eldest DD is 3 and it would not occur to her to leave her preschool playground, though she can probably reach the bolt if she tried. Children are all different and your son seems quite young for his age. Hopefully you and the school can move past this and he'll be happy and settled in no time.

since when do children start younger? my birtyhday is 28th august

i was just over 4 when i started

So, Pixie, if your 4 year old wandered out of the playground into a car park with quick and easy access to a busy street or a neighbourhood that they were completely unfamiliar with, after the school had been aware of a possible problem due to an incident a few days previously, you would have been fine with that and not concerned at all? I don't expect them to watch my son at all times - I DO, however, expect them to monitor the gate and keep him safe - and that does NOT include him having quick and easy access to a potentially dangerous area.

If, god forbid, he had been run over or lost, do you think THEN I would be overreacting?!?! FFS, it was only by luck that nothing happened.

The fact that you think it is not unusual or wrong that they didn't notice he had left baffles me. And I didn't say other children told the teachers - I said I didn't KNOW how he was found or spotted and that I needed to find out specifically how it occurred.

And no, I don't expect a blow-by-blow account.. but I would generally think a 4yo attempting to go through a gate leading to the carpark would be significant to mention to the parents, if nothing else to underline to them that there is a safety issue and rules that they need to assist in reinforcing.

Delayed punishment is abolutely out of order. Why should he have to wait until tomorrow, completely spoiling his first week of school by worry about what will happen.

i don't think he'll be doing it again, triggles. not now that he knows 'don't go through the gate' means 'don't go through the gate'.

an important lesson. perhaps he's one of these children that learns by doing...

nickoftime I wish I could believe that, but when I asked the teacher what measures they were implementing to make sure it didn't happen again, she said "putting a sign on the gate so he will follow the rules." Her initial suggestion was the previously mentioned DVLA sign of "no entry" (the red circle with the white rectangle in the middle).. she was rather put out when I pointed out that he would in no way understand what that meant (mainly as he wasn't a DRIVER yet and hadn't yet studied the DVLA driving manual). When I suggested they simply monitor the gate more closely, she poo-pooed it, saying that they didn't have enough staff for 1 on 1 supervision. I pointed out that no, they didn't for 1 on 1 supervision with 1 teacher per CHILD... but since there's only the 1 gate that is a risk (and that it doesn't move about the playground like a child), that surely it should be relatively easy to position someone near the gate to monitor it.

I am fully in agreement that he needs to learn the rules, however, I don't feel one error should place him in danger. And I've seen children messing around with that gate and seen it left open previously. So it is a risk to more than just DS.

I second admission's comments above.

In our LA we put bolts on the gates (usually on the outside) so that they can be opened by adults but usually not by the smallest children who are most likely to explore. We also put up a sign to say, "Please lock/close the gate. Keep our children safe." A bolt also takes time for a child to undo, so even if they can, it gives the adults longer to see what is happening and more time to catch them up.

If you've made the school aware that your child is a runner, there is absolutely no excuse for this to have happened. Perhaps ask who the school's improvement partner is? That might put the wind up them and make them act. Their suggestion for punishment is completely OTT too. This is their fault, not your son's, although you can obviously teach him that it was not a good thing to do.

Actually I did suggest a stop sign, as he does recognise that. And no, actually, we are still working on the traffic lights thing. FFS, he is FOUR. Why the hell should he know road signs and traffic lights?!?! We are still working on the walk/don't walk lights.

And since you yourself don't seem to be taking any other views on board, please note that I DID agree that he needed to learn the rules, but that until he had been there a bit longer and everything wasn't so new, that the school should be monitoring the gate more closely - not just for his safety but for other children's safety as well. Again, that whole "duty of care" thing. It's in their best interests not to actually lose a child or allow them to wander off or get run over. Surely that hasn't escaped your attention. Good grief.

Guess I'll just have to be glad that you are not his teacher.