Help i feel bitter

[molk]

I know i sound bitter, so please help me to put this into perspective. When my ds started reception he didn't know the alphabet, could barely write his name etc.. He has tried really hard all year and is now a confident reader, has lovely handwriting and writes in proper sentences with punctuation. He got a great report saying he has made exceptional progress, and exceeded all areas of the EYFS.
So why has he never received a school award, when his contempories get them for things like writing something barely legible, or behaving for one week? Don't teachers realise that the ones who work well consistently need encouragement too?

They get encouragement from the fact that they can do well - why isn't his great report and exceptional progress enough for you. Just be thankful you're not the parent of a struggler, who needs all the boosting he can get, because he spends his life knowing that children like your ds are streets ahead of him, and he will probably never catch up.

my mum is reception teacher and at her school they make sure all the kids receive award at some point during the year not just the naughty ones! So yes some teachers do but it is unfair to your ds b/c it is often the good ones who do get overlooked!

"molk - this is a very common complaint"

And like very many common complaints, often has very little basis in truth. Jusat like the other "common complaint' - "It's always the same "golden children" who get all the awards, praise,parts in plays, treats.....[strike out the ones that don't apply] -it's not fair."

Does it bother him that he hasn't had an award, or just you? If it is getting him down, then I would have a quiet word with the teacher to say that he could do with a boost at some stage. But he may well not be bothered, and be basking in comments that the teacher makes to him directly about how well he has done, how hard he's working, how she thinks he's doing great, etc. Some children (and tbh parents) feel more need of a tangible "reward" for their work than others - I have colleagues who will be genuinely happy if you say "thank you" or "well done" about small things as they do them, but others who don't think it counts unless it's written on their appraisal form at the end of the year. Horses for courses, and a wise teacher (or manager) deals out the rewards in the ways that work.

Talk to the teacher, they may not realise he hasn't had a reward (some teachers are more organised about this than others).

I felt the same for DD! in reception, biting my tongue not to tell her to be naughty for a month so she could get a Head teacher award.

Me and DH have a good old cackle about this. DS is super bright (super bloody challenging, too, don't get me wrong), but has ^never won an award, had a mention in the newsletter etc. It's always "Well done, Johnny, for sharing your pencils so nicely!', 'Well done Jessie, for trying really hard at phonics!'

DH reckons it's because 'Well done RD's DS, for reading all the books in the Year 6 library' would just sound like showing off
seriously, though, have a sense of humor about it. Your boy sounds bright and conscientious and I am sure you raise to the high heavens (rightfully).

Mmmmm, I think you should take a look at the posts for children/parents of SEN children and think yourself very fortunate.

My child has a genetic disability [my other is Gifted and Talented], I have the two sides to the coin, and believe me my son [the disabled one] is constantly being overlooked in class, and then being fobbed off at the end of the day with a poxy sticker.

Congratulate your child and be safe in the knowledge that he will never have to struggle in the world like some others will.

If you feel that he has missed out speak to the school, or make/buy him something special to show what it means to you.

I am just a bit miffed for him because he has started to notice this happening and how do you explain it to a 5 year old?

"People are good at different things - some people find school stuff very difficult. It's very hard for X to sit still - that's why he needs lots of help. You're really lucky that you can sit still and listen and work hard - look at all the lovely things Miss Y said on your report. Here, have a chocolate biscuit and let's go and play football."

His time will come, tell him to be patient. Explain that the teachers want to encourage different behaviours and milestones and often they give the awards and prizes to people that have struggled a bit more as they have had to put in lots of hard work.

Everything comes to he who waits. ( My most oft used phrase to very impatient DS ).

What mycarscallednev said...
Taking into account the progress your child has done it seems strange to complain about getting one of those pieces of papers/stickers/ whatever... Instead of bitter you and your child should feel very proud and excited about his progress, how good this school seems to be for him, etc.

It is such a reward to have worked hard, seen the results and the teacher has acknowledged them too

Molk at the risk of seriously offending you....how do you explain to a disabled 6 year old that all the other children in the class can do so much more than you can? My child is noticing that he is differnt from all the other children [ although he looks the same], and this is extreamly upsetting for him. I think I far rather cope with a child being upset because he is so able than the other way round, how about you?!

Life isn't fair, but it's fairer for some than for others.

Actually I think you have a point. DS's Year 1 class has 'star of the week'. DS had it the week of parent's evening. I mentioned how pleased he had been to get it and his teacher said that he hadn't done anything exceptionally well but he always tried really hard, didn't mess around when he shouldn't, listened carefully and things like that and she felt that he should be rewarded . I thought that was really lovely that she said that.

I would make a fuss of him at home when he does well at school and organise treats yourself. The teacher is managing a class full of 30 children and to be honest if you were in that position wouldn't you overlook the good children and say well done to the usually disruptive children is they behave. My DD is a well behaved quiet and contientious little girl and is always overlooked when it come to prizes in school so we celebrate her sucesses at home and she is very happy with this as its better than a sticker from school.

it's all very difficult - my ds1 is dyslexic and everything at school is incredibly hard-won for him. he always gets some dopey prize for 'trying hard' which is not much consolation to him as i think he'd rather just be able to demonstrate his considerable intelligence. i can remember school being like this 30 years ago though, one of my friends got a prize every year, to the point where in the end we used to say "and once again, this year's prize for 'BEING JANE SMITH', goes, in a shock development, to... JANE SMITH"

I really don't want to offend anyone, and DH and i are really proud of ds and his achievements. Of course it is more than enough for us that he is happy, healthy and doing well. I can totally see your point of view seeker and mycarcallednev - you have helped me see in the scheme of things this is irrelavent. But its amazing how much my ds loves getting stickers and certificates and maybe with a bit of better planning, the whole class could get one at some point.

I think there are kids who are never noticed - they are well behaved and achieve in a pretty average way...they are neither the Golden children or the trouble makers they don't get chosen to represent the school/get the great parts in plays etc. And they don't attract positive praise to alter their behaviour. They are largely ignored.

Monk, I had this problem last year. There was a particularly naughty boy in the class that was plastered in stickers and was always getting certificates and visiting the headteacher for special stickers. One day he came out with a head teachers award and the teacher was saying how fantastic he was to his mum. then my daughter came out and told me that this day this boy had locked the teacher in the cupboard and wouldnt let her out! I was livid. We brought this up time and time again and finally after my daughter went into year 1 the reception children are getting certificates and stickers when they deserve one. My daughter did finally get one certificate of merit in reception ... this year she has received 5!! She is bright for her age but still works hard.
Dont get me wrong, I am not saying those children with difficulties shouldnt get awards because of course they should. They should have their own targets to achieve and be rewarded accordingly. My problem was that the naughty children were the ones receiving the awards.
I would definitely talk with the teacher. It might not get your son the award he deserves but it might make the school think about things and get it changed for other children in the future.

Good luck and well done to your son for a fantastic report and all he has achieved. I always get my daughter something when she gets a good report or achieves something special - this is what I personally would do.

thanks icklepickle. The naughtiest boy in my ds's class received a golden award for good behavior on the same day as he pushed over and called stupid my friends ds! It gives the wrong message to the child and other children in my opinion.
I suppose it is an early lesson of injustice.

I think Reception seems to be about getting behaviour right, and easing the children into the social expectations and rules of a school environment, rather than any academic achievement. It starts to shift in Y1 from my experience.

Yes you have to get the behaviour right but those children that all ready behave in the right manner and those that are achieving in reception should be rewarded ... children like Monk's son.
Not rewarding children like this and rewarding badly behaved children gives out the wrong message. 4 and 5 year olds love stickers and surely if they see that the naughty ones are getting stickers to them its worth being naughty for a bit just to get one.
Monk is right, its injustice. Its not right and it shouldnt happen.
my daughter was actually being held back in reception because they didnt want her getting too far ahead of the other children. She worked hard and this should have been rewarded more often than it was. Through the whole of year 1 she only received one certificate of merit. She finished reception on ORT11 but only after I fought hard for her to stop being held back.
In year 1 things were different and she has been allowed to progress at her own pace and go forward. She has already achieved the grades she needs for the end of year 2 and after running out of stages books is now a free reader chosing her own books from the school library. This hard work has been rewarded in year 1 - but only because we do not sit back and just accept things. So many parents talk in the playground about things they dont like but dont speak with the teacher or headteacher. Things changed in how reception children are rewarded after we complained about in injustice that was going on in the school. Good and hard working children are now rewarded when they deserve it.
Parents need to speak up when they are not happy about things. Our children only get one chance at an education after all.