Help i feel bitter

[molk]

I know i sound bitter, so please help me to put this into perspective. When my ds started reception he didn't know the alphabet, could barely write his name etc.. He has tried really hard all year and is now a confident reader, has lovely handwriting and writes in proper sentences with punctuation. He got a great report saying he has made exceptional progress, and exceeded all areas of the EYFS.
So why has he never received a school award, when his contempories get them for things like writing something barely legible, or behaving for one week? Don't teachers realise that the ones who work well consistently need encouragement too?

"And again I am not refering to SEN. Most children are extremely understanding of such issues even at a very young age. They accept very easily that some children find things difficult (including sometimes desirable forms of behaviour). I am talking about rude / naughty / defiant / fidgety / easily distracted children who are tamed with stickers."

And you know for a factr that these children don't have special needs, do you?

Lovely post, niminypiminy!

"It is incorrect(and unfair)to state that undesirable behaviour is almost always a consequence of SEN or that SENs inevitably lead to undesirable behaviour."

I didn't.

Funny enough, my daughter (reception) came home yesterday and explained to me that she is a bit tired of feeling that she is ignored when it comes to 'get stickers'. I know she is not the best behaved child in the sense that she is a chatterbox. But otherwise, she is normally on the 'good side' of things. In particular she tried to show me how she was walking in the corridors (hands on the side, not looking one side or the other, not speaking with others) to see if she could improve to get the very much desired 'good walking' sticker.

She has not managed, despite trying hard to get the 10 stickers to get a 'treat' and that made her sad. Honestly, I listened to her, empathised with her and little more. Deep inside I find the sticker story utterly ridiculous and hope she will too at some point. Looking at her trying to do 'good walking in the corridor' to get a sticker was shocking and I felt really bad for her and the kind of pressure she is buying into.

Btw, in my school, there is a crazy coincidence between kids getting stickers/certificates/awards and the children of governors, parents' helpers and so on. I cannot take it seriously although I can understand children's need to fit it and be 'special'. To see so many mothers taking it so seriously feels bizarre. Perhaps I am too new myself to the school system and politics and I will be complaining about my well-behaved child not getting the sticker in a couple of years. God help me.

I'm very suspicious of categorising a child as just 'naughty', particularly when they are as young as reception age. Unless you believe that they have been born wicked there are usually a whole host of reasons including undiagnosed SEN, recent death of a sibling or poor parenting that need to be addressed. I of course have an interest as my eldest DS can often be the one that shouts out and causes disruption. This is largely due to him being starved and beaten as a toddler before he was adopted by us leading to severe trauma issues. We are working hard to improve his behaviour but it is likely to be a long slow process.

On a purely practical point, giving a sticker can be a way of calming a child who is having a difficult day, however unfair it may seem. The alternative may be a disrupted days teaching which may harm the entire class.

"Btw, in my school, there is a crazy coincidence between kids getting stickers/certificates/awards and the children of governors, parents' helpers and so on."

So are the children of helpers, governors and so on all incredibly badly behaves? Because apparently only really badly behaved children get stickers/certificates/awards.........

A wise woman once told me.....

Success is it's own reward.

It comforts me at times such as you describe. Take heart in the knowledge that your DS seems to be a hard worker. That is what will count as he gets older, not how many stickers/rewards he gets.

IME not getting the recognition doesn't stop them from working hard.

The school/teachers know who works hard, even if it doesn't seem that way.

Seeker, I guess my point is that if you start looking too much at 'who' gets the award you will always find a reason to be resentful. This is the general case in life, isn't it?

It is such an important lesson to focus on your own progress instead of comparing yourself to those who seem to get it easier... I am still trying to learn that lesson, but getting better

just wanted to add my sympathies. My Dd tries very hard & is very well behaved at school & has been upset when 'the naughty boys' as they are called, are rewarded for perhaps a single incident of good behaviour (I witnessed a 'naughty boy' being given a point for...picking up a pencil...)

Personally I think it gives the wrong message - when you're at work you're rewarded with a payrise, promotion & even gifts depending on who you work for.

Where is the incentive for the children to continue their good (& normal) behaviour if no-one notices ? I think it's called encouragement

I would speak to the teacher about it..as I did.. My DD was becoming very demotivated & more imporantly, losing confidence. She was star of the day soon after & confidence was restored !

No need to question yourself for feeling bitter. You are right - this sort of thing is endemic in primary schools these days, in the topsy-turvy world of education which it has become.
A previous poster has got it exactly right - and despite the many negative comments which you have received, your child deserves to be treated fairly by the teacher.
Otherwise what are we teaching children today? That it is ok to disrupt the class and you will be rewarded handsomely for it, but that if you are hard working and polite, you do not deserve to be praised in class?
It is no wonder the behaviour in secondary schools has deteriorated so much - the children have been indoctrinated with the idea that good behaviour hardly gets you noticed, but disruptive behaviour earns the attention of the teacher as long as it is interspersed with some good behaviour.
The classroom should be an orderly environment so as to raise the level of learning by ALL the children. It makes sense to set up well-behaved children as good role models for the rest of the class by praising them aswell. It is often noted by teachers when children are 'easily distracted' - but part of this must be due to the fact that the idea of children listening while the teacher talks is not something overly encouraged by Ofted during inspections, as it is not 'entertaining' enough.
For those who say it is a life lesson for the children who do not get equally praised,I would turn that argument around, and say that excessive amounts of praise when it is not always earned is not a true life lesson - or fair.
A straw dog has been introduced into this thread with regard to issues connected with children with SEN. Just because a child is not getting on with their work does not mean they have SEN. It may simply mean there are low expectations of behaviour in class and good behaviour is not being enforced.
This whole situation is very damaging to education overall, and better discipline needs to be allowed to take place in class by Ofsted,management, confident teachers and supportive parents.
I feel very sorry for those children who are trying their best but ending up practically ignored because 'they don't need praise'. In effect they are being 'excluded' themselves, especially if their lessons are being distupted by others.

you might want to give your views to the government

www.education.gov.uk/consultations/index.cfm?action=consultationDetails&consultationId=1727&e xternal=no&menu=1

Molk

Sounds like an ideal opportunity to talk to your ds's next class teacher, to the effect 'Molk junior didn't get any awards in reception and he was quite sad about that. can you help us work on areas that he can improve so that he might get an award or two in y1'.

Good teacher will work out why he didn't get any last year (poss heads up to reception teacher to reward good work) and also take the hint that he is keen and will respond to praise. Maybe!