How can I support my son - dropped from sports team.

[ShitHoleDweller]

Second time this has happened and I’ve navigated it.

First time it was my eldest and it was swimming, luckily he wasn’t bothered as he didn’t want to do it anyway. I was probably more frustrated as I thought it was excellent for his fitness but the swimming coach said they weren’t running a cherity, so we had to leave.

Second time it’s football. My youngest has done nothing wrong, worked his socks off, but the team has just jumped in standard and he was playing up and just wasn’t good enough. The coach has been incredibly kind, but to say my son is devastated is an understatement. To hear a ten year old talking about suicide is absolutely horrific for a parent. I do have training and so have dealt with it well and he is talking and playing with his brother this morning, but I need to have a plan I think and wondered how other people navigate this stuff?

Should I be trying to find a new team straight away or just do nothing for the moment. Most squads are full due to the season just starting but I might be able to find something. He is among a friendship group that define themselves by which local club they play for so there is an ego aspect to this. He went from feeling really good about himself and being a little obnoxious I think, to obviously now feeling like nothing and is talking about quitting playing football altogether.

With both these situations usually you can continue to train but just aren’t part of gala team or the playing team at game?

If that’s the case I say just keep training and work on improving.

I’ve had experience from the swimming side where they aren’t fast enough to make teams etc (can still swim open meets) and parents move club.

Sometimes to a smaller club where their child is fastest and makes the team and sometimes across and the kids gets faster anyway and makes their team. They would have progressed back into former clubs team if they’d stayed.

Sport is tough. But you need to stick at it to improve.

My eldest just can’t bothered so we left and he doesn’t swim now. My youngest is totally different. Absolutely loves his sport and defines himself by it.

IME (I have two football playing sons) it is unusual to keep playing up at around this age - it all gets more physical and being a year younger suddenly becomes more obvious.

However, it's really bad that the coach told you now - he should have said it at the end of last season so that your son had time to look for a new team. I would be really cross about that.

I think you should look for a new team in your son's correct age group. I'd do it now rather than leave it for a bit, so it's in place for the new season. As he's been playing up he'll probably be a bit of a star in the new team. You say that most squads are full but there's usually room for a good player! I hope it all works out ok.

This.

And it’s a good time to work on your son’s resilience and for him to develop some other interests!

Thank you. His coach is trying to find him a new team as they want to keep him in the club, there’s just no team his age group currently. I dont feel cross, just worried about his mental health. He has had a lot of upheaval over the last three years and this is just another pile of crap for him to deal with and it’s sad. He is the best, best most hard working boy and he just wasn’t good enough which stings.

Absolutely. I just need a plan.

He wasn't good enough because the other boys are a year older than him! He will absolutely be good enough to play in a good team with boys his own age. If there's no team of that age in his current club I think you should look for a new club.

Youre right. His coach said he has all the key skills, he just doesn’t have that tactical maturity required to bring it to match day and I don’t disagree. It’s just such a bad time in the season to find a new team 🤪😬

You should be able to find a team with a space for a good player!

I think the older they get the less teams there are and most of the teams I know are full. I have put something out on social media on one of the pages where clubs advertise.