Preteen disrespect and sudden move to her dads

[Zebra89]

my daughter is 12 (13 in Nov) and in June had a sudden switch to live with her dad. She has become extremely disrespectful to me during this time and is telling people she is scared of me. She seems to get away with everything at her dad’s and has no real boundaries. I am in a lot of pain not sleeping and become unwell with this all.
her dad is trying to ‘mediate’ our relationship and it is making me feel controlled.
i feel unheard and I don’t understand why my daughter is doing this to me. We have always been so close and talk about everything. Please someone help me.

Did being unwell come first or after- how long are you split up? I don’t know that we can comment on feeling controlled, he may be taking advantage of the situation or trying to help. 13 is so hard op, we’re going through a lot of moods here, I have to keep remembering I wasn’t the world’s easiest teen!!!

Why would she feel scared of you?

Have you posted about this before?

Are you the poster whose DD has raised safeguarding concerns about their stepfather but you chose him over her?

Apologies if you’re a different person but the writing style is similar.

No I’ve just joined so not me x

No this has made me unwell.
we have been split for 6.5 years.
i feel controlled or like im on puppet strings and anything i say is unheard.
i am heartbroken by all of this and cannot understand why the sudden switch.
she used to go 1-2 nights a week and her dad and I have always maintained a good relationship for the kids.
this age is so hard.

Did you ask her at the time why she suddenly wanted to go and live with her Dad?

Did anything happen prior to this? Did you argue, fall out? Anything that could have happened that triggered her into wanting to live with him?

Because when she is disrespectful to me I don’t accept it and I tell her off.
when I ask her what scares her she says I’m worried il get told off.
i give her boundaries such as no phone after 9pm and small chores like emptying the dishwasher and she doesn’t like it because at her dads she does nothing just sits on her phone and doom scrolls on tiktok.