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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

11 year old daughter just asked when she can start shaving

67 replies

SantasRubiksCube · 19/04/2025 18:09

DD is 11 and has very dark body hair like me. We've always reassured her that both boys and girls have body hair and it's completely natural but as she's getting older she's becoming more self conscious. She showers more as gets smelly quite quickly and she's just asked me what age you have to be to be allowed to start shaving as her armpit hair makes her feel quite self conscious when she's wearing sleeveless clothes/changing for PE etc. I explained again that it's natural and normal and there's nothing wrong with it but she asked again. I said how about we bleach it so it's less noticeable without having to remove it but she said no. I don't want her to feel she has to remove her body hair just to avoid any comments or anything but on the other hand I know how hard it is growing up and being hairy. I just wasn't sure what to say so told her we would discuss it later as I was abit busy making dinner.

OP posts:
wonderingwhatsnext · 19/04/2025 18:12

I would let her do it. Do you shave your armpits? It definitely makes me feel cleaner/less sweaty. I think at 11 she should be able to decide this for herself.

welshweasel · 19/04/2025 18:13

I would tell her it’s a totally normal and reasonable thing to want to do, buy her a razor and show her how to do it!

angeltattoo · 19/04/2025 18:14

I would help her remove it if that’s what she wants.

IReallyLoveItHere · 19/04/2025 18:15

The answer is 'whenever you want to'. She might feel self conscious or being teased about it. Of course she should be self assured, confident, able to tell people to mind they own business etc, etc, but that's not realistic.

Ask which bits bother her. See whether bleaching or waxing would be more suitable.

My ds (yes ds) wanted his hairy legs shaving at 14. We waxed them a few tines then he forgot about it. Less likely to stop altogether with a girl but she will probably relax more once it's off her mind.

NancyJoan · 19/04/2025 18:15

It’s her body, and she wants to do it.

Maybe get some hair removal cream for her legs, but underarms need doing so often, a decent razor is probably better.

Original poster
SantasRubiksCube · 19/04/2025 18:17

Thanks everyone, I have a look maybe at a teen shaver or something for her, I just want her to feel comfortable with her body as I'm the most self conscious person in the world (I know that's a contradiction 😂) and I don't want her to feel she has to change anything about herself for social norms.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 19/04/2025 18:18

It’s her body so she should get to choose. You can advise her on the best way for her, whether that’s shaving or using hair removal cream.

I was really hairy growing up and my mum didn’t let me shave my legs and repeatedly told me it’s normal and I should live with it. I did what many others did and cut my legs to ribbons with an old box razor I found. Now i‘m an adult I sometimes shave and sometimes don’t.

blueleavesgreensky · 19/04/2025 18:18

Making a girl who doesn’t want body hair to have to live with body hair is just cruel. It’s not permanent and it’s her body.

ICanTellYouMissMe · 19/04/2025 18:19

SantasRubiksCube · 19/04/2025 18:17

Thanks everyone, I have a look maybe at a teen shaver or something for her, I just want her to feel comfortable with her body as I'm the most self conscious person in the world (I know that's a contradiction 😂) and I don't want her to feel she has to change anything about herself for social norms.

Your intentions are good and everything but she’s asking for your help because she wants it removed. Don’t try and push your feelings about it on to someone else; that’s not fair.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 18:19

If she's conscious of it, it's time to let her.

dementedpixie · 19/04/2025 18:21

She's asked to remove it so I'd let her and give her the tools to do so. My dd shaves sporadically and likes the olay blades with soap bars attached.

Tarragonpie · 19/04/2025 18:24

I would let her remove it too.

CountryRoadsTakeMeHomee · 19/04/2025 18:24

Let her remove it, if she's asked you need to let her. It's her choice and you will only make her feel uncomfortable. We have an electric razor for DD that feels safer than a traditional razor.

Original poster
SantasRubiksCube · 19/04/2025 18:26

Everyone saying I'm 'cruel' for 'making' her live with it.....she's literally just brought it up this afternoon and it's the first time she's mentioned anything about wanting to remove it, I never said I wouldn't help her if that's what she really wants. I don't see how reassuring her that body hair is natural is pushing my beliefs on her 😳 of course it's her body and she can do what she wants with it (within reason, she's only 11) I just wish someone had been more reassuring to me and I wouldn't of grown up hating my body because I thought it was manly to have body hair.

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 19/04/2025 18:26

You’ve done well to get to 11 without any hair removal.

I was removing my underarm hair at her age and my dd was plucking her eyebrows and removing underarm hair at that age too. The eyebrows was because she was told she had a uni brow and did it herself before I took her to a salon.

If removing hair means she’s not thinking about it then she can go on living her life without that worry holding her back. It’s ok to suggest a different hair removal method but even if you don’t remove hair, it is cruel to insist that she doesn’t as it bothers her and it’s so easily remedied.

WhatMe123 · 19/04/2025 18:27

I started aged 11 😊

Obvnotthegolden · 19/04/2025 18:27

Removing under arm hair for some people is also for cleanliness. Hair traps odor and bacteria.

Just let her shave if she wants to. She'll end up doing it at friend's anyway if you don't help her and support her as it's obviously important to her.

ExplodingCarrots · 19/04/2025 18:28

My DD is 11 and she's been shaving for a year now . She's very very dark and absolutely hated it . She started off with a lady shaver and now uses a razor sensibly , though she does still use the trimmer too . I'd start off with a lady shaver and see how she gets on with that .

cressidahun · 19/04/2025 18:28

Let her do it, don’t faff about bleaching.

Snorlaxo · 19/04/2025 18:28

Their generation is hit with even more pressure and knowledge about beauty and bodies. Your dd might not watch stuff on YouTube like beauty influencers but she’ll be at school with kids who have been watching that content for years and brainwashed into noticing and thinking about stuff like that.

Snorlaxo · 19/04/2025 18:29

Bleaching is still noticeable in the sun and we are about the enter the time of year where she might want to bare her legs and arms.

Original poster
SantasRubiksCube · 19/04/2025 18:30

Thanks to everyone who has responded with kind and helpful comments, for the others who obviously use Mumsnet to jump down others throats for not running at their 11 year old with a razor the moment they say anything, I only wish I could be as perfect as you 🖕🏻 this has reminded me why I haven't been on here in over a year, I won't be coming back to this post so have at it all the cauldron witches 🤣👍🏻

OP posts:
Leeloos86 · 19/04/2025 18:30

Hiya. My 10 (almost 11 year old)shaves. She has developed very early so felt self conscious because other girls in her class didn’t have any hair and made fun of her when they had swimming. She has a Philips shave and does it herself now. Other girls are now starting to develop and they feel self conscious and she’s comfortable with how she is ready for secondary school in September. Precocious puberty has been both a blessing and a curse lol!

PerspicaciaTick · 19/04/2025 18:32

Your job is to help her find a safe, simple method to remove her hair while walking the tightrope between saying something that makes her feel bad about her hair and saying something that makes her feel bad about removing it.
I would stick with empathising and saying you also had issues with your body hair so let's find a good solution together.

findingnibbles · 19/04/2025 18:33

I think it’s fine for her to shave it if she wants to. Pretty sure I started shaving around that age in the 90s.

Can’t see why bleaching is supposed to be better in some way? Just sounds like an enormous faff – for something that can take 2 secs.

Surely the message of inconveniencing yourself for your appearance is reinforced even more with this method.