11 year old daughter just asked when she can start shaving

[SantasRubiksCube]

DD is 11 and has very dark body hair like me. We've always reassured her that both boys and girls have body hair and it's completely natural but as she's getting older she's becoming more self conscious. She showers more as gets smelly quite quickly and she's just asked me what age you have to be to be allowed to start shaving as her armpit hair makes her feel quite self conscious when she's wearing sleeveless clothes/changing for PE etc. I explained again that it's natural and normal and there's nothing wrong with it but she asked again. I said how about we bleach it so it's less noticeable without having to remove it but she said no. I don't want her to feel she has to remove her body hair just to avoid any comments or anything but on the other hand I know how hard it is growing up and being hairy. I just wasn't sure what to say so told her we would discuss it later as I was abit busy making dinner.

Literally nobody has been rude 🤷‍♀️

You're so cruel to not have taken her and had her epilated head to toe already OP 😂

I think you've done really well so far, explaining why girls don't need to remove hair but I would let her do it because she's more likely to become self conscious if you don't.

It's important to at least question these things with our daughters. The people that use emotive language like "her body her choice" or call you cruel as you sometimes see on MN are being disingenuous. I'd bet money they'd refuse their dds if they asked to shave their heads (for example), but because they're asking for beauty treatments we're cruel to not give in immediately.

11 is old enough to make the decision, but NO I would not be allowing a daughter of any age to shave. It's totally unnecessary.

Oh, and I wouldn't bleach. I think shaving is probably the safest, easiest option

Definitely let her - when I first skirted around the subject with my mum when I was 10 she just said "it probably won't show" (I have blonde hair on my head and light brown hair under my arms). I spent the next half a year feeling self-conscious about it until I plucked up the courage (pun not intended) to bring it up again! I could've just picked up her Venus razor from the cupboard during that time.

WTF!

Do you bleach yours?

Let her shave, 11 is not an age for forcing her to be embarrassed in front of her friends.

I think you are massively overreacting.

I was in this situation a few months ago - I decided it was ok to let DD do this, i got a few different methods for her to try to see which she preferred. She prefers the hair removal cream. Obviously i have explained that it’s not necessary and she shouldnt feel that she needs to do this etc

I’d give her a hand if it’s a razor to make sure she can do it safely.

With my first I used cream, and then switched her to razors - I think the cream was actually more fuss and with my second we went straight to razors.

Tbh she has probably picked up on your body consciousness. They are like sponges.

I don't understand? You said, "I would let her do it because she's more likely to become self conscious if you don't" but then you said, " NO I would not be allowing a daughter of any age to shave"?? Which is it?

I think most young girls are into their hairstyles and can't imagine it's likely they would want to shave their heads!

Though also there are quite a few young women not shaving. I see this all the time where I live. Lots of trendy older teens and women in their 20s with completely unshaved and on display underarms.
DD has never shaved, I regularly don't anymore though would have died in the 90s if I had a faint bit of stubble.
There is definitely a backlash against it.

Get her a decent razor and show her how to use it!

Well, that’s a shame as I was going to link the razor I got my teenagers as it was excellent and even my clumsy dd could use it without any issue.

Yes, tell her to be gentle as under arm skin is quite delicate.

Have you thought about helping her to wax them instead of shaving?

I have always waxed my underarms and hardly have any underarm hair as a result. I have been able to get away with waxing just twice a year since my mid-20s and it's painfree.

I wish I had been as disciplined with my leg hair as I shaved that a lot more, it is no where near as lighy as my underarm hair and hurts more to wax than my bikini line!!

Get her an epilator.

I rarely see any young women not removing the hair on their legs or underarms. I switched to waxing my legs early on because the itch of the stubble growing back is horrible! Still shave my underarms as do my 20-something DDs. I don't think there's much of a "backlash".

It probably depends where. This is the raving and art scene in Manchester, much less so in other parts of the city. DD is really sporty and at 15 doesn't give a fuck. Lots of her friends are the same (not all of them).

i taught my daughter at 12 its better they know how to do it safely ,not rush or use a crap razor . venus razors have some good chunky easy to grip ones

Give her the choice say you shouldn't feel pressured to shave but just so you know how if you like to .Give her good razors and shaving cream

Bleaching it is not a good idea. It's harsh on the skin and the hair is just as visible, if not more so as it looks unnatural.
Shaving or hair removal cream is good for young girls starting out. She clearly wants to be hair free in that area so you should buy her the stuff and help her use it. It doesn't mean to say you're telling her there's anything wrong. But it's her choice and she is clearly old enough.

I think unfortunately because you are projecting this is more complicated and becoming a bigger deal than it needs to be so if I was you I would do a U turn as the hair is making her self-conscious.
Also dark haired family - when my daughter raised it I suggested waxing to reduce hair growth and we did that for the first year.

She doesn't have to remove it, she wants to remove it and she's asked you to allow her that autonomy. If you want her to feel in control of her body, take her out to buy a razor.

She is aware she doesn’t have to but she wants to. I say the same to my daughter all the time and always have. She started shaving sporadically around 11. She dances and it’s really noticeable that she was the only one not shaving. We got her some proper stuff and I helped her the first time. She actually only does it at random and I don’t pressure her either way. I shave my legs too so would be impossible for me to say it’s a bad thing to do.

my mom wouldn’t let me so I stole my dads razors and did it anyway. Made a massive mess of it!

My mum said no to me and when I borrowed my dad's razor and cut myself she got really angry and made me so ashamed. So I had to go through school being mortified at pe, never wearing skirts etc. Teenage girls are MEAN! .

I look back and can't understand why she was so rigid on it. She shaved her own legs FFS!