What consequences for 11 year who catapulted rock at window, causing £420 of damage? efupui

[Bloodyredface]

Yup, can't believe it myself.

He's actually a really good kid and he was utterly beside himself when he did it. I have never seen him like he was when he did this, he was physically shaking and crying and very, very upset and worried.

He wasn't aiming at the window ( in our house btw) but the grass in front of it. However, he's 11, he has plenty of projectile instruments and has been repeatedly given rules on playing with these, and the window he hit is large and set low in the wall, so firing in its direction was not smart. I didn't realise he had got the catapault out ( forgot he had it, he's not used it for years).

My goal when he did it was to calm him down and get this in perspective as he was utterly catastrophising and really distressed.

But I still think this needs some sort of consequence, and quite a meaningful one. He is 11 and he really does need to know better. I do want to make sure he learns from this, rather than forgetting the lesson as he ' got away with it.'

Any ideas? I was thinking of having to do some serious chores around the house for quite a length of time. He hates doing housework.

Natural consequence for him is loss of projectiles for a period of time and then can only be used under adult supervision.

natural consequence for you is the broken window that came from giving your 11 year old unsupervised access to projectiles.

He has to own his error in judgement and so do you! Just be grateful it wasn’t the neighbours property or that it didn’t strike an actual person.

1- chores is something he should do everyday. Not a punishment. You dint want to teach him that chores are only done when punished so as an adult, any time he has to do some chores, he’ll see that as a punishment and something unfair.

2- I agree that that he needs to learn the difference between a mistake (wasn’t on purpose but I owe my mistake and will repair - as much as he can) and ‘it’s not fault’. You could ask him to write a letter of apology too. (What he has done and why he is sorry. Proper apology rather than a ‘Im soooorryyyyy’ line that is never heartfelt iyswim)

3- he isn’t going to forget what happened if he has been so overwhelmed when it happened.

4- I like natural consequences instead. So he needs to clean the mess he created. He cant play with the most ‘dangerous’ toys unless someone around - lock them somewhere. Clear explanation of the cost of the repair. And how it will stop him from doing X or Y because can’t afford it.

My goal when he did it was to calm him down and get this in perspective as he was utterly catastrophising and really distressed

Sounds like he's already well aware that he's fucked up. And he's only 11 years old. I don't think I'd punish him at all, particularly given that you say he was physically shaking and you've never seen him worried. He's suffered enough, surely?

These things do happen. I still remember playing snooker with my brother in our dining room as a kid, very carelessly pulling back my cue to take aim and whacking the handle end into the glass panel in our back door behind me. Absolute scenes. I literally came out in a cold sweat! I think I was about 12 at the time.

Sounds like he's already well aware that he's fucked up. And he's only 11 years old. I don't think I'd punish him at all, particularly given that you say he was physically shaking and you've never seen him worried. He's suffered enough, surely?

It's not that much about punishment. And no hard feelings. Just a cold hard fact that material damage was done. Window now needs to be replaced because its not something you can live without. Money needs to come from somewhere. It either means a refund or no indulgent purchases for a time period.

Just put the catapult in the bin. He can save up and buy another one when he’s older but he isn’t responsible enough to own it.

I would give him a consequence for his own sake, so that he can feel better once the consequence is done. But not related to the cost of the window, he can't afford that.. he caused mess and damage, so some kind of extra cleaning chore(s) would be sensible. Time-limited, as a pp said.

And I also think that any more damage done with it means no more catapult. Either he wasn't being careful enough or it's just not a safe place to use it.

I think it's partially your fault for letting him play with such dangerous "toys". If he wants to shoot things, get him a Nerf gun with soft bullets.

No, I wasn't joking at all. I speak as someone who has suffered high levels of anxiety my whole life since I was younger than the DS in question, and I recognise an extreme response in others. My opinion that the OP should look into seeking some support from her GP is as valid as all the other comments on here.

Just goes to show we are still a long, long way from treating mental health issues with the respect they deserve in this country.