What consequences for 11 year who catapulted rock at window, causing £420 of damage? efupui

[Bloodyredface]

Yup, can't believe it myself.

He's actually a really good kid and he was utterly beside himself when he did it. I have never seen him like he was when he did this, he was physically shaking and crying and very, very upset and worried.

He wasn't aiming at the window ( in our house btw) but the grass in front of it. However, he's 11, he has plenty of projectile instruments and has been repeatedly given rules on playing with these, and the window he hit is large and set low in the wall, so firing in its direction was not smart. I didn't realise he had got the catapault out ( forgot he had it, he's not used it for years).

My goal when he did it was to calm him down and get this in perspective as he was utterly catastrophising and really distressed.

But I still think this needs some sort of consequence, and quite a meaningful one. He is 11 and he really does need to know better. I do want to make sure he learns from this, rather than forgetting the lesson as he ' got away with it.'

Any ideas? I was thinking of having to do some serious chores around the house for quite a length of time. He hates doing housework.

Wouldn't punish him for an accident he is upset about if it were my eleven year old.

Take the catapult away until he is mature enough to use it safely 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree with this.

He already feels terrible and is remorseful...

I vote for this one.

Chores around the house until the £240 is paid off

Sorry OP I wouldn't punish an accident either.

I would be very concerned about this level of anxiety in him too, it's completely out of proportion and a huge over-reaction for a kid his age, poor chap. 😥

Is he getting any help for it? If not, going to the gp would be my first port of call, if I were you.

So long as he’s not practicing for the riots

What if a neighbour’s 11 year old had broken your window and was really sorry? Would you say “that’s alright dear, you’re obviously sorry so I’ll pay the week’s wages it will cost to have it repaired” Or if your 11 year old had broken a neighbour’s window? Unfortunately you can’t pay for breakages with ‘sorry’. How will they ever learn about consequences?

Obviously he should face consequences! But in a productive way. Give him work/chores around the house for a set length of time. It will help him feel better in the long run too really, if he feels he’s paid you back in some way.

I won't get on your back about the projectiles (my son had a longbow and sharp knives from a younger age) but he's showing he is too immature for them, both with the accident and then saying it wasn't his fault.

No more projectile fun for 3 months then under supervision. Catapult goes in the bin as he misused it. He is old enough to know better. Get him to write an essay on safety for each of his toys. Discuss with him their potential for damage/injury. Not lecturing him, but getting him to think about it himself

Agree chores should be a routine, not a punishment. And done properly and promptly without needing to be nagged or use natural consequences eg - doesn't automatically clear his plate from dinner, he gets it back dirty the next day with his dinner in it. He'll soon understand why plates need to be cleared. Please don't let boys grow up expecting someone else to skivvy after them

None. If you give them catapults, you supervise their use. That’s on you, OP.

This. If these are his hobbies then that would be the punishment. Totally irresponsible of you to let him have these weapons. Luckily this time it was a window and not another child.

I think your GP would worry about your anxiety if you turned up for this!

The kid had a huge shock.

Level of anxiety?

Its right he showed remorse, he broke a window and as others said he oculd have hit and injured someone. I would hope to see some reaction from him.

Take him to the GP, you have to be joking??

I think he clearly feels really guilty about it so I'm not sure I would punish further. I wouldn't be giving any child projectiles though! Taking those away is punishment I suppose and also sensible.

This exact situation is why 11 year olds shouldnt have "plenty of projectile instruments"
Yes he is normally supervised but there is always a chance/risk they get these instruments unsupervised when they have access to them.

I would be accepting his apology and taking accountability that is gave my child access to something dangerous.
Claim your insurance, confiscate all his "projectile instruments" and be thankful no one was injured.

I wouldn't punish my child if they had been upset about it. Because their punishment is knowing that I'd have to pay out for it.

I'd expect a neighbour to pay for it, if their child had done it. It's then between them and their child to decide if there's a further consequence. But by my logic, their child's punishment would be to know that their parent had paid for the damage.

But also, my response is based on the children I have. My eldest is really responsible and damage like that would be completely out of character. My youngest would be much more likely to do something like that, but she would be devastated with the outcome and would think about it for months afterwards. That seems to be enough punishment for me. If you have a child who doesn't care and regularly does this kind of thing, then you probably need a different approach.

Obviously he can't be trusted with projectile devices (what 11 year old could?) so they all need removing. A natural consequence.

It was a genuine accident and he's really sorry? Personally, I wouldn't do anything but reassure him. He's "consequencing" himself!

Does the kid have money/savings? Get the refund. Maybe not the entire sum, but a portion of it significant enough to make him think about it. Otherwise give him chores to work it off somehow.

Feeling remorseful doesn't cut it. Even genuine mistakes or accidents cost money. Also kids can be pretty good actors when it comes to avoiding consequences. Been there.

Switch on the Olympics, there is shooting and archery, no animals being hurt in those sports.

I'm sorry OP, but I think your focus on this one is skewed. You are concerned that your son learns his lesson from this. My question is, more importantly, what are you and his father going to learn from it?

You state your DS has "plenty of projectile instruments". In God's name, why? He's clearly not capable of using them safely, and no child or young person needs catapults etc of any description. Kids being kids, they are always going to liable to be misused for bullying, or at best a risk for personal injury or damage, as has occurred here. Yes, he needs to realise he's messed up, but yours is the greater culpability in my eyes, because you have failed to parent in this matter. His actions seem to have been accidental, but you failed to prevent this.

If I were you I would take responsibility, take away all of his kit and suck this bill up. Be grateful he has not taken someone's eye out. Seriously.

There's always an armchair psychologist...

In all honesty I don't think he should be punished hugely as you as adults should have known better than to let him have these things unsupervised.

But maybe some chores towards the cost of it.

you don't want to raise a child (especially a son!) to think chores aren't actually his responsibility but he probably has to do some of them for a bit if he's done something wrong.
There are quite enough men in the world already who think household chores are not their responsibility!

Also the bit about him saying it wasn't his fault because he wasn't aiming for the window - that's another potential problem. They need to understand that you don't have to do something deliberately for it to be your responsibility. They are called accidents not on purposes but that doesn't mean you don't have to make things right.

I'd remove everything he has that is used by him for catapulting anything anywhere and put a blanket ban on that sort of play and have a period of increased supervision.