12 year dating she's fat

[crispsandnuts]

I find it so hard when she's so critical about herself. She's got pre period weight, rounded tummy and hates it.
I encourage healthy eating and exercise but she expects to see perfection in the mirror without effort.

Saying not dating!!

To be fair, you also sound quite critical of her.

My DD is also 12 and has started saying this over the summer too. In her case she thinks she has fat thighs.
I’ve gone for reinforcing that her thighs are amazing, they’re strong due to horse riding and they allow her to run etc. I think I’ve probably made her think I’m crazy as I got her to list things she’s grateful for about her thighs.
I also asked her what would it mean if her thighs were fat? Would it change anything? In who’s opinion would this make her less than? We looked at photos of women with big thighs, women with stick thin thighs and discussed their worth and achievements and whether or not their thighs/body type affected this.

I don’t know if this helped or worked or if I just made her mad at me. 😂

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER I found with my DS that calling them quads helped, I talked about his lovely defined quads, powerful etc

If she does start to look at fitness accounts on Instagram and TikTok the strong quad girls are everywhere. It's really a shape to be proud of.

For some weird reason thighs are fat, quads are strong, thick quads are the best!

I remember crying to my mum that my thighs were fat. She said i know, I'm sorry, you inherited them from me, I've always hated mine too 😅 and I've grown up very body positive, big thighs and all. Please don't handle it like my mum. But equally, however you handle it, don't beat yourself up about it after. It's difficult and you're doing your best.

I look at Beyoncé as a role model for all
girls and just wow she looks amazing and lovely thick womanly thighs

I'd recommend trying to practice body neutrality and surrounding her with as many body positive and neutral messages as possible including providing books, toys and screen time that show a wide variety of body types without making comment on it. I'd chat with her about where these worries are coming from, what is she influenced by that she's maybe seeing externally or what is she hearing at school. Both dove and girl guiding uk have some decent resources on this topic you could look through together. I'd also be really aware of what she's learning from you, if you're dieting before Christmas or make negative comments about your own body or feel the need to cover up that's perfectly understandable but it's going to reinforce those negative messages to her unless you're challenging that for yourself at the same time. In our house we have a rule that we never comment on other people's bodies, grandparents find this hard at times and we unpick that later on and I just explain to them that granny didn't grow up with the same healthy respectful messages we have around now. It's really tough because she's at that age where she's becoming so aware of it.

It's such a difficult age, I reinforce to her that her body is changing etc.
I don't talk about my weight, I just say things related to health such as I need to exercise more to feel better. So many comparisons at that age, her friends are all different but she focuses on the tall slim ones