Daughter has hair down to knees! Now wants it cut short

[Josie1968]

Hello

My daughter will be 11 years old in August .. her hair is down to her knees, she’s never wanted it cutting but I cut her fringe and trim the ends. Suddenly she’s decided she wants it cutting which is absolutely fine I’ve no issue with that, but the style is extremely short and I’m not sure that her hair will suit the style if you know what I mean? I’m worried mainly that once it’s cut she doesn’t like it, that’s happened to me a few times!

I’ll put some pics on the thread for people to see. She gets a lot of compliments about her hair but she always has it in a plait as it gets so knotty. For sure if she gets it cut it will be easier for her to manage as she starts secondary in September and will have to be out the house for 07:45 to catch the school bus. I’m also a bit worried kids will think she’s a boy, as she won’t wear skirts or dresses, and her name is Frankie!! She’s a bit of a tomboy 😊

I did take her to a hairdresser who is happy to cut it but says it will need styling to maintain. Well I’m rubbish with hair, I’m a wash & go type of person and never use hair products. I just thought I’d see what people think.

Thank you! :)

My DD did this when she was 12. It was an absolute game changer in terms of washing and caring for her hair and she loves her short style.

I had very thick hair down to my bum and cut it into a short bob for the little princess Trust. The effort of having a bob was immense in comparison. I had to straighten it everyday, couldn’t tie it up. I have very fast growing hair so I’d grown it back out to the same length within a year.

Loads of people had long hair in the 90s, Natalie Imbruglia type style - almost everyone you met had either that or a Rachel style at various points. I can’t remember the 2000s as I had young kids and it was a blur. Long hair is certainly more common but as someone else has said there’s no association any more gender wise.

Aah, yes a few smaller kids had the bowl haircut or Princess Dianna but older mainstream kids were more ‘traditional’. I also went out with lots of lads with long hair but I hang around with the weirdo gang 😂. I genuinely can’t remember any girls with short hair at school or 6th form and only really on leaving university in the mid 90s did the pixie type cuts come into fashion.

Yes. I had this hair. And used to spike the back up.

There were loads of people with similar haircuts.

Me too! Sadly I didn’t look like that because of my face 😂😂

This was 2000.

There was plenty of short hair going on in 2010 too. Loads of short spiky emo stuff with longer fringes (and blue-black hair dye). And celeb pixie cuts (emma Watson for example).

People may have always been more conservative with their daughters’ hair pre-teenage years. But it’s just not the case that all the girls and women have had long hair for decades.

I'd go for a shoulder length bob thing first. She can always get it cut again. In the first pic of the style she wants, that could get in her face when she is doing stuff (eg science experiments). It's practical to be able to tie it back. Also I'd be very reluctant for an 11yo to have any type of haircut that needs more than one minute's work in the mornings. Brush, hairband, go.

I had hair past my bum at her age, my gran took me to my hairdresser appointment as my brother was unwell so mum stayed at home, I came home with an under cut chin length bob (mid nineties), I guess it was like 'growing up' to me. The actual haircut was a nightmare to manage, I have very thick curly hair and these were pre GHD days. It grew back quickly. I now have curly hair halfway down my back at 37 , but have had all kinds of iterations in between. There's no harm in giving her control of her hair, it's nothing permanent.

Both of my daughters and my older son who all previously had long hair wanted to cut it really short at that age. It seemed almost a right of passage here (though I think for the girls, I think it also had to do with wanting to do all their hair themselves which they struggled to do with the long hair).

They never got ones that needed styling though, they all hair their father's fine hair not unlike your daughter's, so my daughters were looking at these sorts of styles:

A few years on, my older daughter typically has a bob between ear and shoulder length she keeps back with hairbands, while the younger one has gone even shorter with the longest setting on the clippers for her summer cut, while their older brother has his hair back to mid-back length.

I can’t really comment on cuts or styling (definitely find a hairdresser willing and happy to advise) but I personally don’t think that it’ll be a massive change for her. If she generally wears her hair tied back in a plait she’s already very used to the shape of her head and face without hair framing it.

if it’s particularly difficult to style she can always make use of clips and caps.

One of my DDs had her hair cut into a pixie cut, wore it like that for a few years and loved it until she wanted to try something different and grew it out. Her hair had never been as long as your DD's and yes, lots of people assumed she was a boy when meeting her for the first time (not helped by the abbreviation of her name not being obviously female - think Jemima to Jem) but it didn't bother her. Once she'd had hers cut, a number of her peers had theirs cut short so both at school and ballet there were a good few girls with properly short hair.

I've always been a fan of trying out different hair lengths myself and am glad one of my DDs has some experience of doing that for herself. My hair is currently shoulder length but three years ago it was an asymmetric bob, I sometimes have it very short, sometimes have a fringe and sometimes don't. I have female friends and relatives who've only ever had long hair and can't bear the thought of cutting what they consider to be their pride and glory. More often than not, it looks too long to have any fun with style-wise and looks to me as though it needs a good few inches cut off the straggly ends.

Has your DD had a go on those face change apps so she can try on different styles? It looks from the photo as though she wears glasses which is something else to consider in terms of comfort and styling of tufty bits over the ears. All in all, if she fancies short hair, understands she may need to use wax or something on it if she wants it to stick up, realises it will take a couple of years to grow long again and is happy with that, she should go for it. The start of Y7 is a great time to try out a new style without the entire school pointing out she's had her hair cut. Get it done now and she'll have a bit of time to get used to her new look.

Sorry, going against the grain, but the new proposed "hairstyle" is hideous and messy. My daughter also has very long hair up to her waist and she once asked to get it cut to a short bob and then instantly regretted it. It did grow back but it took years. She now has waist-length hair again and although it takes a lot of effort to care for it, she looks beautiful. I also don't get what posters are saying about long hair not being "in". My daughter is 12 and all her friends have long hair. It's definitely "in" and they make loads of videos using their hair.

My niece is half Chinese and has very straight glossy hair. She asked to get hers cut from long to a short messy style. It looked great when the hairdresser did it but she couldn't ever get it to look the same herself and she hated it. She is now growing it again and at chin length is Lola great. I would definitely suggest she gets it cut in stages.

Take her to a ‘consultation’ appointment first. My dd was v keen on having a big chop at the same age but the hairdresser said she didn’t don’t have the right sort of hair and explained the styling needed. Dd went for armpit length and is v glad now! One of her friends has a pixie cut which looks great but takes a lot of styling and she is asked if she is trans. IME that particular haircut can look very cool but is the one that all the ‘non-binary’ girls currently have, which is fine but something to be aware of, if your dd doesn’t want people to make assumptions as she starts secondary school.

That last pic looks exactly like my dd's hair now, complete with the same glasses. She had long, flowing blonde locks and hated it from the age of about 11. She has since been diagnosed as autistic and is non binary. She felt her hair wasn't 'her'. She had it all cut and dyed red. She's 19 now and it's still short. She loves it and has never regretted it. It really suits her . Her hair is very thick and curly so it looks good

I disagree on stages. The cut your dd wants is such a strong style - there are no compromises to be had! Let your dd have what she wants. Support her by paying for the best stylist you can afford.

My dd went super short when she was 13. I had same worries as you, but once it was cut, it was like her hair had always been like that. She had been adamant about going short and she was completely right.

2 years ago my dd, had long hair like your daughters, she now has a cut like the last one and she's died it red for the summer. She's 14 now. I think At this age it's all about expressing themselves x

@Josie1968 your perm sounds delightful 🤣

i once got a hairbrush stuck in my hair after being told repeatedly not to brush it myself, it was down to my bum and had to be cut off to shoulder length…the pain still haunts me!

Have you progressed with the cut?

My dd is 10 and has recently had her hair cut into a short style. Her hair is quite strait so the cut looks more ‘elegant’ than the pictures you posted. She is pleased with it and has had it recut when it grew out a bit. I have got used to it and like it now although it was a bit of a shock at first.

However, people continually assume she is a boy. She is taking that ok but it could be hard going depending on the child. So few girls have short hair these days that it does stand out and it was hard to find a hairdresser willing to do it.

I’m bewildered at the discussion about whether this girl will be mistaken for a boy if she has short hair. Women in the UK have been wearing their hair short since the 1920s, and when I think back to my own secondary years in the 1980s, although some of us had longish, big hair with perms, at least equal numbers had short hair. It’s been the same for decades, without any suggestion that it meant anything beyond the fact that you liked your short haircut. What the fuck has happened since that we are so backward now?

I agree with this. Right through the ages there have been a few women with short hair, whether it was fashionable or not, and no-one thinks anything of it. I'm not in the UK but I can't believe things are so different there.

I think those short styles will really suit your daughter. The hairdresser will be able to adapt them for her specific hair.

Good news XelaM : you don't need to have your hair cut into that "hideous" hairstyle! Nor does anyone else have to get a cut they don't like except for the DCs of some rather controlling parents . But it will suit many in terms of the shape of their face, hair texture, personality, lifestyle, or the image they are wishing to project. It's a funny thing that we all have different tastes and ideas of what constitutes hideous/beautiful/fashionable etc, eh?
Of course some people get a drastic change and regret it, but many don't as evidenced on this thread. Unfortunately it can be hard to predict how you'll feel until you take the plunge, but it's good to try new things especially when it will grow back!

And I'm sure your DD's beauty isn't linked to her hair? I hope you're not projecting these strict views of beauty onto her and instead applauded her trying something new, even if it didn't quite work out how she'd hoped?

My daughter had hair down to her bum. Masses and masses of wavy blonde. When she was 13 she decided on a whim she wanted it cut. I took her to the hairdresser and she insisted she was old enough to choose her own style and I should go and have a coffee so she could do a big reveal to me. She had it cut to jaw length and I gave it all the "wow, what a change, you look amazing!!" But I was gutted! It really affected me way more than her. It took her a few days to get used to it, but it was visually jarring for me for a few weeks. She looked beautiful and it was great to see her express herself, but I'd been helping her maintain that hair her whole life, and it was like she'd taken a massive leap from child to young adult without me realising it was going to happen. She's 15 now and she's had it trimmed a few times but right now it's down to her shoulder blades and she seems to want to keep it growing. They do chop and change, but ultimately, as I learnt, it's her hair, her image, her choice.