Daughter has hair down to knees! Now wants it cut short

[Josie1968]

Hello

My daughter will be 11 years old in August .. her hair is down to her knees, she’s never wanted it cutting but I cut her fringe and trim the ends. Suddenly she’s decided she wants it cutting which is absolutely fine I’ve no issue with that, but the style is extremely short and I’m not sure that her hair will suit the style if you know what I mean? I’m worried mainly that once it’s cut she doesn’t like it, that’s happened to me a few times!

I’ll put some pics on the thread for people to see. She gets a lot of compliments about her hair but she always has it in a plait as it gets so knotty. For sure if she gets it cut it will be easier for her to manage as she starts secondary in September and will have to be out the house for 07:45 to catch the school bus. I’m also a bit worried kids will think she’s a boy, as she won’t wear skirts or dresses, and her name is Frankie!! She’s a bit of a tomboy 😊

I did take her to a hairdresser who is happy to cut it but says it will need styling to maintain. Well I’m rubbish with hair, I’m a wash & go type of person and never use hair products. I just thought I’d see what people think.

Thank you! :)

Let her go for it, her choice.

I've always let my kids have whatever hair style they want, because my mum was always funny about my hair cuts and it felt controlling to me.

So I would let your DD get the cut she wants. If it doesn't look the way she thought it would, it's not the end of the world. It's her mistake to make and learn from.

First of all you ask the hairdresser if her hair will do those styles. If not, she has a rethink.

I still remember the hairdresser standing behind me with the scissors when I was about 13 or 14, reminding me that she could cut it, but couldn't stick it back on! I had very long hair and wanted a hideous mullet type style which was fashionable at the time, but her words made me have a wobble. Especially when I saw the look on my mum's face. So I compromised with a plain shoulder length cut. About a month later I was at a different hairdresser and got my horrible hairdo, which I loved and which received just as many unwanted compliments as my long hair. But that in-betweeny style was just meh (and is how I have my hair now in my fifties!)

Let her go the whole hog I say!!

A good hairdresser will suggest similar styles that will work for her hair. You always have to adapt a style you see in a photo to your actual hair.

It really is just hair. Her hair. It grows.

I had my long hair cut to chin lenght in my early twenties.
Problem was the short hair was soooooo healthy, never having been bleached, dried much with a drier, fiddled with, that it swung in my face the whole time. Ended up getting it cut short.
Be aware of this but with some effort I'm sure she could achieve those styles with practice.

Let her go for it, all the way, on the basis that:
a) Getting it chopped hurts nobody (my top Q before doing anything ‘big’)
b) She can donate and do a lovely thing
c) She ‘owns’ it and has agency over her body (which also means she owns it if she hates it afterwards, a non-consequential way to learn this type of lesson)
d) It’s not permanent

This looks perfectly manageable to me.

she might just need a bit of mousse and a rough blow dry for volume - she can do that herself at 11.

She can donate her hair as PPs say.

I’m bewildered at the discussion about whether this girl will be mistaken for a boy if she has short hair. Women in the UK have been wearing their hair short since the 1920s, and when I think back to my own secondary years in the 1980s, although some of us had longish, big hair with perms, at least equal numbers had short hair. It’s been the same for decades, without any suggestion that it meant anything beyond the fact that you liked your short haircut. What the fuck has happened since that we are so backward now?

She doesn’t want an undercut bob ffs

she wants short hair. It’s not a big deal.

It's her hair and she's old enough to decide if she wants it short.

If she regrets it 🤷 it happens. Hair grows back and she learns how to handle making a mistake.

@BobMortimersPocketMeat

The 80s is the last time girls had short hair in any numbers. Short ish hair is only just creeping back now, so to anyone who isn’t old enough to have been a teen in the 80s it’s a slightly unusual concept.

You must have noticed virtually all girls and young women have had long hair for decades? Barring the odd bob.

Personally I’d encourage her to go midway first off and see how she feels. Try to find some cute trendy mid length cuts, and then promise her once she’s used to managing that and if she still wants it she can go shorter.

My DD1 asked for short hair, she had a long bob previously as her hair didn’t really grow. The difference it has made to her confidence has been amazing, and losing the little length she had had made her face really stand out. I am not a lover of short hair for girls, but also took the “It’s only hair, it will grow again” view.

Incidentally, although she had some curls when younger, they had all disappeared, but cutting off the length has given it a lot more body.

Yes, I’ve noticed that long hair has been in fashion for a long time, for younger women in particular. But what I haven’t noticed is hair length being held up as a signifier of a person’s sex, because it’s clearly bullshit. I know lots of boys with long hair and girls and women with short hair. Nobody mistakes them for the opposite sex, so I am surprised that this is something that a number of posters have leapt to.

I'd make sure you have a really good hairdresser who will make sure the cut is edgy and teen not early Lady Di.

I would also encourage her to have it done is stages only because she has no idea how her hair will behave when shorter. At the moment the weight will be pulling it straight but shorter might be a different story and it might rebel dramatically.

I and lots of my friends had short, spiky hair in the 90s.

Discuss with her the pros and cons, and let her negotiate. It's her hair.
I remember being in a similar situation as a tween. I wanted my very long hair cut into a very short pixie, my mother wanted a shoulder length bob so had a word with the hairdresser
The hairdresser gave me a very short pudding bowl and I looked like a mushroom
I'll never forgive my mother.

It's her hair and she's growing up- go for it!

I think I am qualified to comment as 1) I have knee length hair and 2)Like OP I had a mum who made me have my hair cut according to her specifications and was called "young lad" once aged 7 by a lady in a supermarket (never forgotten it) 😂
At her age, her hair will grow quickly, though based on an average growth rate of 6 inches per year - getting back to knee length will take years. But growing past shoulder into "long" territory won't take too long.
Knee length hair is a PITA - I am assuming she wears hers up most of the time - either plaited/twisted etc. If she has fine hair like me - even flipping worse.
Being able to make such a choice over her body is important.

Good hairdresser could help with the best style, do they still do consults these days? Your DD could go in with a picture - they could look at her hair type and discuss a couple of options.

I'd say go for it. For all the reasons other people have said!
Whilst I totally agree that the length of your hair is not a sex marker, short hair on girls is uncommon now. I have a teenage DD with very short hair (really suits her) and at school she gets lots of comments made..mostly not compliments. Kids assume she's gay and teachers hesitate in case they misgender her..

Speaking from identical personal experience...Do it in a two step process: stage 1 get it cut shortish (ie in a bob or to shoulders) then a couple of weeks later stage 2 to finalise the length and cut.

It gives her time to adjust and be sure it's what she wants. Although in my experience, the break between haircuts 1&2 did nothing to change my mind :)

My DD went from long to shoulder length. She absolutely hated the Inbetween cut and much preferred it really short.
Personally I would go half way (and have) when changing length but sometimes just going for it works too!
My DD never styles her hair beyond damping down any wayward bits and it always looks fine. If she's after a messy deconstructed look it's not hard to achieve with a little wax.

I had similar, daughter with her half way down her back and went for a very short crop. I was scared! I thought she's hate it and I'd have to pick up the pieces , I wanted her to do it slowly in stages.
She was adamant she wanted it and went to the hairdressers who were also extremely nervous about doing it for her. Anyway she went for it and loved it, she looks amazing.
Tbh I think it was also difficult for me as it's a drastic change and saying goodbye to childhood.
If your daughter usually has her hair plaited it might not be such a huge change as it seems its mainly tied away from her face anyway? It could be liberating , hair that long can be hard to care for.
Hair will grow back but I get why your nervous but honestly it may all go much better than you think.
Is she maybe about to go to secondary school? That might be leading the decision, very very long hair may not be cool in secondary school and the photos of proposed styles are very " in" right now.
If she goes for it look into donating her hair, would have to be cut dry and in one swoop though, when we looked they only needed extremely long hair donated as had sufficient mid length hair donations .

I get what you’re saying.
I have always had long hair as I’ve heard short hair is much harder to manage.

But she’s only young once and I love how she’s experimenting with her style!

Let her do it and it’ll grown back in no time and then she can choose whether to keep it trimmed short or grow it slightly longer.

I’d do it asap too so she’s got the holidays to get used to it and learn how to style it.