Daughter has hair down to knees! Now wants it cut short

[Josie1968]

Hello

My daughter will be 11 years old in August .. her hair is down to her knees, she’s never wanted it cutting but I cut her fringe and trim the ends. Suddenly she’s decided she wants it cutting which is absolutely fine I’ve no issue with that, but the style is extremely short and I’m not sure that her hair will suit the style if you know what I mean? I’m worried mainly that once it’s cut she doesn’t like it, that’s happened to me a few times!

I’ll put some pics on the thread for people to see. She gets a lot of compliments about her hair but she always has it in a plait as it gets so knotty. For sure if she gets it cut it will be easier for her to manage as she starts secondary in September and will have to be out the house for 07:45 to catch the school bus. I’m also a bit worried kids will think she’s a boy, as she won’t wear skirts or dresses, and her name is Frankie!! She’s a bit of a tomboy 😊

I did take her to a hairdresser who is happy to cut it but says it will need styling to maintain. Well I’m rubbish with hair, I’m a wash & go type of person and never use hair products. I just thought I’d see what people think.

Thank you! :)

I have always taken the view that it's my dd's hair and it's for her to do what she wants with it. At 11, I would be expecting her to manage it herself and I would encourage her to factor that in when choosing a style. If she wanted to go for a really dramatic change like super long to super short, I wouldn't try to stop her. However, I would encourage her to think it through properly and consider the fact that she might not like it when it's done.

Ultimately, it's hair, so it will grow back quickly enough if she is unhappy with it. It isn't as if the damage will be permanent.

My son used to have very long hair, not quite as long as your daughter but half way down his back (his choice) and decided to have it cut short when he was about 8. Interestingly maintenance of a style has never been a concern 🤔 Tbh I can't see why it should be for a girl either - if she doesn't do whatever styling is required to keep it looking the way she wants it then it'll simply look unstyled, and she can grow it into a bob in 6 months if she prefers.

I'd just let her cut it as long as she's sure (we did tell our son to think about it for a week before booking the hairdresser just to be sure it wasn't a passing whim).

The whole thing of gender stereotypes is more of a worry now than when we were kids because some influential people over think hairstyles and read far too much into them! My son did sadly cut his hair partly because he was told once too often by an adult in a responsible position that he was a girl 😡 it used to be completely normal for both girls and boys to have either long or short hair and it is very sad indeed that well meaning or otherwise people try to label kids who grow or cut their hair these days.

So definitely make sure you keep an eye on what people say to her about her new short cut and reinforce that a haircut is just a haircut with no hidden meaning, and she can grow or cut it as often as she wants - it can be short now and long again in two years, its just hair.

I'd monitor the tiktok use too if that's where she got the picture as she's extremely young. What's that on the tiktok child's neck??

The whole thing of gender stereotypes is more of a worry now than when we were kids because some influential people over think hairstyles and read far too much into them!

This is interesting, I have totally the opposite opinion. When I grew up a girl with short hair was assumed to be a boy or gay as she got older, boys with long hair were assumed to be girls, gay or weirdos. I don’t think anyone cares anymore

SandieCollins that's interesting - I wonder whether we're different ages or it's a matter of living in different places...

I was at school in the 1980s and at least half the girls had short hair, though at primary no boys had long hair. By the time I was at 6th form college in the very beginning of the 1990s at least half the boys had long hair (pony tail long) and at university more than half I'd say, and almost as many girls had short hair as boys.

Donating hair would be a lovely thing to do. However the styles she has chosen look like they need thicker and curlier hair than hers.

Would you consider going to a hairdresser and asking for a restyle consultation to discuss options & arrange the hair donation? I am not 100% on this but heard hair can only be donated through a hairdresser. Worth checking out.

My 7 yo is growing out her short hair cut as other kids were mean to her. Such a shame as it really suited her and meant she hardly ever got the dreaded nits. Adults would frequently tell her how lovely it looks. Her choice though.

id let her get the cut but choose a good hairdresser who will show her how to style it.

Cross posted, but that looks like a bob with a bit of texture.

Exactly the same age by the sounds of things. I was near London, but quite a rural area (if that makes sense without being too outing!)

😂😂

I’d let her get it cut but definitely in stages as it’s such a big change. Shoulder length bob first, then the full chop a few months later if she’s happy with it:

The distress at hating your hair at that age would be painful for everyone in the house.

SandieCollins how funny that our experiences are so different - I grew up in a relatively small town in Yorkshire, definitely not a forward thinking place especially! I think small girls in the '80s very often had short hair because their mothers considered it practical and young children weren't really given the same amount of choice about their own hair and clothes then. However as so many had short hair at primary their wasn't any stigma at secondary or after either, that I noticed, and loads of short haired girls and long haired boys, so much so that almost equal proportions of girls and boys/ young men and young women had long or short hair by 6th form and especially university.

I don't think I ever had a date or boyfriend with short hair until I met DH in my mid 20s, and even he had had long hair before I met him!

Yea that’s what I was thinking, it’s horrible when your hair isn’t right. I remember having a perm in my early twenties .. and the hairdresser left the solution in too long and I ended up with a really tight ‘granny perm’ I remember it like it was yesterday. I went home and cried my eyes out!!! 😭😅

The first one ( dark hair/glasses) looks like a grown out mess and that fringe will drive her barmy it would always be in her eyes
The second one (reddish) looks a bit V from BTS (which is lovely if you have the right face and confidence to carry it off)

Deffo do cutting by stages , its a huge shock to the system

I took my DD to the hairdressers she wanted a lot of hair cut off , I persuaded hr to get less cut and if she wanted , in a month I'd bring her back . I'd rather spend another £40 than have months of I hate my hair its too short
She didn't have the 2nd trim

(I'm not controlling her , I jusy know my DD )

Let her have her hair cut without fuss or comment. It’s a new look for the new school year, fresh start, and time for it to managed and styled differently by the time term starts, if required.

My mother flat out refused to allow me to have my hair cut as a teen (70s/80s kid). She wanted me to stand out. Stand out I did with my hormones making my hair greasy, and I didn’t suit long hair at all. It certainly didn’t help with my other difficulties fitting in. (She was a reasonable person otherwise but it seems to have been her hill to die on for no real reason I’ve ever fathomed.)

In fact DH uncovered one of my old school photos with a grin the other day!

When I went to Uni the first thing I did was cut my hair short. I’ve never deviated from that since (except in lockdown).

My daughter has exactly the haircut in the last pic!
I was sceptical but I have to admit it works. She also had very long hair in year 6. She first cut it off a couple of years ago.
It wasn't about gender identity as such, more about self expression.
I would let her do it. The only thing I would say is to be careful where you have it done. What can be a super edgy style can also end up being very "princess Di" or "Karen". My daughter also bleached the front so that helped to make it more current.
I actually do her hair cuts myself now as it was impossible to find a hair dresser willing to do it "badly" enough - the whole point of those styles is the grown out messiness!

I think you shoulld let her go ahead and have the cut she wants. I wouldn't bother going down the route of cutting the hair in stages or trying shorter styles, she sounds like she knows what she wants. Take her to a good hairdresser and ask the hairdresser what your daughter will need to do to maintain the style. Note I wrote daughter, not you. She is old enough and should be looking after her hair herself.

I can see what you mean about the short styles needing to be styled . Your daughter has straight hair and the shorter styles here are wavy .

I think the best idea is to cut her hair in stages tbh your daughter may regret such a drastic change in one go

I disagree on stages. If a person decides they want short hair, they don't want in between lengths. I speak as a woman whose baordresser took 3 cuts before she went properly short ans who even now has to keep.asking for more. I would go for.it. People.always say short hair is more difficult but that's not really true, certainly not today with good products etc.

Agree with others- please do try to donate the hair. Thay will also be something your dd can feel really good about.

Why not make an appointment with a hairdresser for a consultation? Have them explain what styles will, and will not, work with her hair, then make another appointment for a week later when she has had time to make an informed decision.

My neice had really long hair and she had it cut into a very similar style to the one your daughter wants. It really suits her and it's just hair, it'll grow back. I did similar when I was a teen and my mum cried.

My DD had hair down to her bottom when she was 14. She had 17" cut off and still had reasonably long hair but but seemed much thicker. I was surprised how much it grew in a year. She now wants it cut to shoulder length

I would let her choose, but take her to a young funky (an incredibly uncool term, I'm sure, but you know what I mean) hairdresser who will be honest about if the style is realistically achievable with her hair type. An hour of styling a day if her hair is naturally much straighter/thinner isn't realistic IMO. A good hairdresser would be able to then recommend styles that suit both her hair type and the image she's going for.

FWIW I had incredibly long hair as a DC that my DM wouldn't let me get cut, as she'd had her long hair cut at a young age (by choice), had regretted it, then took ages to grow it back. It was permanently in a pony tail as I hated it and wanted it out of the way. She insisted I did the cutting in stages thing when I was finally allowed some freedom at a similar ahe to your DD. I went with it as if it meant finally getting it short, I was willing to jump through the hoops. I never regretted it and got it cut much much shorter as soon as I was able. I've had various styles over the years, but it hasn't touched my shoulders since. My DCs are 6 and 8yo and are currently happy with long hair, but know it is theirs and they are welcome to have it cut as they choose. I'm sure they'll have hair cuts they regret/less keen on over the years, but it grows back and they'll learn to avoid the style in future!

It is time to let her do it.
If you don't she will blame you.
Also she needs easy for new school year.

It’s her hair. Let her cut it. It’ll grow.

it sounds like you are very attached to her hair and associate it with being a girl. Why does it matter that he might be mistaken for a boy?

She has to ‘maintain’ and ‘style’ her hair now. It’s not easy. It gets tangled and knotted so she has to mostly wear it in a plait. The short hair will be much easier for her to look after.

What matters here is not her hair, it's her getting the message that it's her body her choice (and her problem if she doesn't like it, she doesn't get to drive you all mad about it)