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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Defiant dd does the opposite of everything i say and wants to be the opposite of everything i stand for.

53 replies

malificent7 · 30/06/2020 04:50

Just turned 12 and is very hard work. I get that she wants to be her own person but she is quite extreme.
She dosn't want to join in any family activities...not even tv watching with us . If i try to limit screens there ate tantrums and actually she needs her phone to do school work.
She just seems to reject me as an inflience and role model ..normal as her peers are her main influence but i think she is making a point about me as she is very critical of who i am.
I love art and paint a lot but she has decided she hates it and wont do anything creative ( fine but i suspect it is as i like it and shes rebelling.)
She even supports an opposing political party .....again fine but she has said its because who i vote for is weird.
Yes...i get called weird a lot.
Every request is turned into an argument. She says she wants to be a vet but she dosn't work very hard at school so not sure how she will achieve this although i am proud.
She moans about our " embarassing " house but makes a mess herself.
I suspect she may have oppositional defiant disorder or something.
Her step sister idolises her mum and models herself round her but her mum had described step sister as very " compliant."
I have not voiced this comparison to dd but gosh life would be easier if she wasnt so oppositional.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 05/07/2020 10:46

I think it is all fine untill it comes to safety. For example , dd wanted to go for a run with her headphones on. I said i'd rather she didn't wear headphones whilst running near roads as she wouldn't be able to hear traffic. Cue massive protest. If i had said headphones are great she may HTC ave said...no won't wear them!
It's just as ahe will not listen to me she will have to make her own mistakes...again fine unless it is a safety issue.
She refused to put suncream on and got burnt. She refuses to wear a cycling helmet as she knows best......you get the picture.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 05/07/2020 10:46

Have

OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 17/07/2020 10:19
  1. ignore when she says silly things. she doesn't really have "values" yet, especially political ones.

  2. don't tell her to do things when it isn't necessary. its very irritating and conflict-provoking, i.e. "put a hat on"

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