Behaviour - DD (9)

[Bitlost]

On holiday with DD (9). Her behaviour is appalling. She won't do as we ask/tell her to, shouts and is generally unpleasant to be around.

Everything takes about 10 times the time it should take: from getting a meal into her to getting her to have a shower or getting dressed.

I'm absolutely exhausted of repeating the same things: eat your food, get dressed and dragging her around.

She is in addition getting some weird obsessions about cleanliness and becoming ill. Makes me check her temperature 10 times a day,

She is a lovely child at school with no behavioural problem and good grades. But at home she's very, very difficult and puts the brakes on everything. She's always been a bit like that but this is becoming seriously worse.

Are your 9-year-olds the same? I've noticed the first signs of puberty on her body. Could it be the hormones kicking off?

Thank you.

Sounds about normal, well apart from the temperature thing. Is she having plenty of down time and is she getting enough sleep?

Sounds like DD 11. It's difficult, I also have a DS with ADHD. Just listen.

Maybe she needs more autonomy and structure. The structure will help her know what is expected. Eg my ds knows when he must have a shower but every now and then fights it. So I listen to him, empathise but still remind him he needs a shower. The listening is enough usually to get him to do it.

My 5 year old boy is like this. Just taken me 45 minutes to get him downstairs to get ready for school. He refused to come down unless we banished his sister upstairs (she hadn't down anything wrong so of course I refused to give in). Often he's lovely but at times makes everything sooo difficult. Everything takes so long, so many pointless battles over nothing. I often feel drained. I just want us to have a nice time together. Sorry I don't have any advice but I feel your pain. I wish I knew the answer.

I think it’s the health anxiety that stands out to me. There’s a book which might help and it might be worth seeing if there is a tween yoga class near to you. Does she do much exercise?

My 10 year old dd is like this at times, I think it happens more when she’s tired. She’s a nightmare and also very manipulative, every one else is always at fault and there is no reasoning with her

Sounds normal to me. My dd can behave in a similar way so I bought smart bulbs for the house which I set to glow with different colours at different times. Eg the light in her bedroom goes on at 8 am and she knows it's time to get dressed. Maybe the novelty would engage your dd. If she is eating slowly and you don't have to be anywhere then let her, I know it's torture to watch but just get up and leave her to it. If you are on a clock you could give her a ten minute warning and when the time is up just lift the plate and scrape it into the bin and say it's time to go now. Her slow downs could be a way of controlling you so just be firm and consistent.

Thank you all for your replies and apologies for the late reply. I will look certain look into smart bulbs!

To answer your questions, she’s not getting enough down time, no, and i’m trying to cut back on extra curricular activities to allow her to get some rest. Activities do seem to help her channel her energy and get to sleep earlier but too much is too much.

Obsession with cleanliness and illnesses ongoing. (Thank you for the book recommendation. I think this is now much needed.)

And things are now not great at school on the behaviour front and with her grades. She also seems to be getting grief from her school mates... We will go and see the teacher in the new year and as suggested above, give her more of a structure (although i’d say we’re already pretty structured but we can always improve.)

Wow - just reread all this and this is now really quite worrying.

Thank you again.

Just on this from an idyllic holiday of a lifetime... but with a dd9 who has been like Jekyll and Hyde - mainly the awful one. Here behaviour has been hideous. Mind you my ds12 has been similar but not as bad... reading the OP i could have written it! I'm so cross these kids have no concept of how lucky they are... next time I'll
Spend the money on a nanny and scoot off separately with DH!

Here's to the next few years