Preteens
If you have an 11 year old what's their bedtime and routine?
user09876543211234567890 · 18/06/2018 22:06
We're struggling with bedtimes at the moment, DS11 still likes us to take him up to bed, but he lays on the floor saying he's too tired and it can take a long time to get him to go to the toilet, brush his teeth and get him up and into his bed. Some nights he picks on some tiny thing that has annoyed him and then starts getting angry about it, talking himself into a big angry tizzy about nothing and this then takes 45-60 mins to calm down, resulting in a later bedtime and more tiredness the next day. He insists that everyone at school goes to bed later than him but I think the reality is that he needs more sleep than he's getting.
So I can compare notes (and get some ideas) what time does your 11 year old go to bed and do they take themselves up or do you take them?
cloudtree · 18/06/2018 22:09
DS is in year 6. Gets up at 6.30 since we have a 10 mile trip into school and school starts at 8.30
He goes to bed at 7.30. Washes and cleans his teeth etc and then has a story read to him for 15 minutes before reading himself for 20 mins. Lights out by 8.15.
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 18/06/2018 22:10
Dd 11 teeth + bed by 830.
No issues at all.
Neolara · 18/06/2018 22:10
He gets sent to bed at 9pm. It had drifted to 9.30 / 10pm but he could not really cope with that so we reverted to 9 pm.
Passthecake30 · 18/06/2018 22:10
Not quite 11... but my 10yr old goes to bed willingly, around 8.30 on a school day, 9-9.30 at the weekend. He loves his bed. My 8 yr old, however, goes up at the same time but plays up like your ds, I have no answers I'm afraid!
dementedpixie · 18/06/2018 22:11
Goes into bed at 9.30pm and reads for a wee while. Up at 7am
Theworldisfullofgs · 18/06/2018 22:12
Yr 7 but still 11. Pretty much the same as year six but slightly later.
Goes up at 9. Brushes teeth, quick wash and into bed.
He does get up early though...
user1494670108 · 18/06/2018 22:12
Almost 11 yr old, gets sent to bed and reminded to do his teeth at 9 (literally moved from 8.30 this week).
He also gets reminded not to read too late.
He gets up fine at 7
rupertpenryswife · 18/06/2018 22:13
My soon to be 11dd pretty much takes herself to bed. Normally lights out by 9 on a school night I have to remind her to brush her teeth, she does fiddle about sometimes, suddenly remembers homework or has a panic over some school/friend issue.
With my DD I tell her to get changed and teeth done by about 8:15 so any dramatics at least she is almost ready. I let my DD wind down with a book/audiobook but no tech, I then go up at 9 to say goodnight, she always wants us to say goodnight to and of she goes to bed before 9 she comes to say goodnight.
MrsBlondie · 18/06/2018 22:13
Mine is 12 now but in year 6 it was 9pm bedtime. Later now.
Mine doesn't need much sleep - he's a night owl!
Titsywoo · 18/06/2018 22:14
11 year old DS. Bedtime during the week is 9pm. He reads for a while and goes to sleep by 10.30. Up at 7.30 and isn't tired.
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 18/06/2018 22:14
My dd is 12 yo and bedtime is in theory 8.30, in reality it's 9 pm. Usually she goes up around 8.30, brushes teeth and I pop up and wish her a goodnight. Sometimes she will read for a bit.
It sounds like you've over complicated it a bit....
Butterfly1975 · 18/06/2018 22:15
DD(11) is in her room from around 8 ish and reads/writes stories on her laptop until bedtime between 9.30 - 9.45pm.
I think she goes quite late compared to others her age when I compare notes with friends but she doesn't ever question lights out time and (usually) goes to sleep quite quickly.
I think it's just finding a routine that works for him - can you get him to read or listen to an audio book? Might help relax him before bed?
antebellumwannabes · 18/06/2018 22:16
Cloudtree bed for 7.30 and has a story read to him still, really? Don't you think that's babying him a little? My 7 year old reads to himself and goes to bed at 7.30!
elephantscanring · 18/06/2018 22:18
We talk a lot about rights and responsibilities with our 11yo ds, and about behaving well and making good decisions if he wants more freedom and to be treated like an adult.
Bedtime - he goes up between 8 and 9, depending on what club/activity he has. No screens for an hour before bed. He showers and does teeth, then reads in bed. Sometimes he asks one of us to read to him.
If he tantrummed like your ds, he’d go to bed at 7 the next day and there’d be no screen for a week. That’s ridiculous at 11. If he’s actually worried about something, set aside time much earlier in the evening to talk about it. If he’s just being silly, leave him to it and ignore him. He won’t carry on if nobody is watching him. Sounds very tedious.
user09876543211234567890 · 18/06/2018 22:19
I like that idea rupertpenryswife - of getting her to do the teeth and PJs bit earlier. I'll give that a go.
Thanks for other comments too - it's good to get an idea of bedtimes that aren't just my son telling me his friends all go to bed at 10 or 10.30!
He's supposed to go up at 8.30 on weeknights with 9.15 lights off, but then things like the World Cup matches can end up making it much later (and much harder) and also weekly scouts (which finishes at 9pm!).
OrchidInTheSun · 18/06/2018 22:25
8.30 but does it all himself. I read to him most nights because we both enjoy it. He doesn't have a lights out time but us usually asleep by 9.30
user09876543211234567890 · 18/06/2018 22:27
elephantscanring you're right it's very tedious. I need to have a think about whether your approach could work for us. We've never been very strict parents which worked out well for DS1 (who is 15 and very easy going) but is not working well with DS2. It's more complicated than I want to go into here though, we're currently trying to keep a diary of meltdowns (both at bedtime and other times) to try and work out whether to go and see a child psychologist to have him assessed. Step one is seeing what we can fix via a better bedtime routine / bedtime, because if a lot of it is down to tiredness then we'll be wasting our money at a child psychologist. His bedtime behaviour always improves during school holidays.
MelanieSmooter · 18/06/2018 22:28
11yo DS (yr6) has ASD so struggles to get to sleep. He goes to bed at 8, he can read for an hour and lights out at 9. He tends to drift off then. Certainly asleep by 10.
AKissWithAFist · 18/06/2018 22:28
My 11yr old goes to bed at 9pm gets up at 7am with no problem
MissWimpyDimple · 18/06/2018 22:28
DD 11 year 6. Warm her that it's bed soon around half an hour before, then at 8 she brushes her teeth and gets ready for bed. Often at this point a bit of faffing occurs and then it's reading/writing journal etc till I go in and "tuck her in" and lights out around 8.30.
I suppose she's asleep by 9. Gets up at 7
TryingToForgeAnewLife · 18/06/2018 22:32
Mine uses every excuse under the son to delay bedtime. So l got tough and told him that if l had to drag him out of bed in the morning he'd be going earlier the next night.
Also l confiscate his prize posessions if he is playing up.
Time to get tough l think!
JeezYouLoon · 18/06/2018 22:34
11 year old, year 7 lights out by 9ish he does read but knows if he's a pain in the morning the next night it'll be earlier. Usually fast asleep by 8.45.
13 year old, year 8 a bloody nightmare and always has been. As soon as it gets dark he comes alive like his father he can be faffing on long after I'm in bed. However he also knows if he's not up the next day he'll be in big trouble.
All technology off for both of them by 7.30, they love this rule 
Crusoe · 18/06/2018 22:39
My DS nearly 11 (some SEN) has a bath at 8 then a few minutes looking at a book while I massage his back. I go down at 8.30 and he reads, listens to music or audio book. Thanks to melatonin he is asleep between 9 and 9.30. He is up anytime from 5am.
NorthernSpirit · 18/06/2018 22:42
12.5 year old DSD goes to bed at 8:30pm in the week.
You’re the adult. Your rules.
At 11 years old you shouldn’t be taking him up to bed. All this lying around is a delaying tactic on his part. Don’t engage. His friends may go to bed later, it doesn’t matter, your in charge, you decide.
My DSD was s difficult sleeper when younger and my OH went to a sleep clinic. He was told not to engage and they soon get bored.
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