Hygiene and lying

[gttia]

11 year old sd has terrible personal hygiene. Won't flush the toilet, brush her teeth, doesn't wash her hair properly, for example still in it's French plat straight and dry after leaving shower yet insists it's been washed and re platted. Clothes and underwear put on inside out every day.

And then even when it's very clear what's happened she lies, then cries to get out of the telling off or having to do it.
Is she just a bit forgetful or is she lazy. Because she lies I'd suggest lazy but we need a way to get her on board with her hygiene, or do we just leave her, my fear is that she will be bullied at school for bad breath etc.
We have three daughters and only one like this but literally at our wits end because we have to be on her back as it were constantly.
Is this normal for some children and do we just leave her to come round to doing it herself or is that us being lazy with parenting? The lying needs dealing with but I genuinely don't know where to start?
Such a hard age with boundaries!

My daughter is exactly the same age 11 too it drives me insane! Sorry not much help but you’re not alone x

My DD would skip teeth brushing etc if she could. I think they just can't be bothered at times . I feel like a constant nag x

10yo here and exactly the same. The older DC improved once they started high school as I think it is not “sick” to smell at High School. Hoping for the same transformation next September.

SS(10) has only recently started having a daily bath. I'm not sure what changed, he hated baths before and once went 9 days without a wash.
He will 'forget' to brush his teeth a lot though, and I'm not sure that he changes his underwear daily, there's never much of it in the wash basket.

Ds was like this and towards the end of primary (& before he started to smell ) introduces a non-negotiable daily morning shower & 2 minute times tooth clean. It took a while & lots of nagging but now 3 months into secondary he gets up & showers first and cleans his teeth twice a day.
It is hard but I think you need to be very firm about what is going to happen & let a few things go until you've succeeded with the basics.

DD 12 almost 13 the same and don’t get me started on periods and how she deals with this. I have to nag her and be on her case constantly. Have you changed your knickers today, your arm pits smell you need to use the deodorant we got you, please can you brush your hair, tie your laces, pick your uniform up off the floor, made your bed, flushed the toilet, washed your hands, washed your hair properly etc. She’s disgusting and it’s like she can’t be bothered, always takes the easiest way out, lies about things, thinks we won’t find out and is angry and mouthy when we do. I am fed up of nagging her it’s wearying and I am fed up of my voice nagging her. No help but sympathise.

Mine’s much younger but I regularly hear my mum shouting at my 12year old brother about brushing teeth and showering. She inspects his hair/teeth and makes him do it again if not done properly .Totally normal.

My 9yr old exact same, oral and personal hygiene is very poor!! I am forever getting on to her, we make several lists to follow and she doesn't stick with it.

I really hope she gets better.

I went through a phase a bit like that. I would take my stuff into the bathroom, arrange shower gels etc in the bath so when the shower ran it wasn't just hitting the bath floor so it would sound more like I was in there... sit on the loo and read a book for ten minutes then pretend I'd showered.

I brushed my hair though, but not always my teeth.

God knows why I did any of it though - pretending to do it took at least 50% as much effort as just doing it in the first place.

I did grow out of it after a while. I'm fairly sure my parents had no idea as I don't recall a lot of nagging.

My DD1 was like this between ages 10-13. I remember the battles over trying to get her to wash and brush her hair - it was long and literally a matted birds ball at the back at one stage. Then practically overnight (and nothing to do with my nagging) she started caring about her appearance and now at 15 has lengthy showers and hairwashes at least once a day and spends huge amounts of time cleansing and beautifying herself. So in my experience it was definitely a "stage".

I do wonder if it's some sort of evolutionary thing, like a pre-pubescent forcefield that, despite changing body shapes, clearly signals they are still very much a child.

*birds ball = nest 😂

GuinefortGrey - I think your right most of my daughters peers wore make up to go uptown on a weekend and looked like they put a lot of thought into what they were wearing and what they looked like from at least year 6. My DD now in year 8 couldn’t care less she is pretty girl but quite immature for her age and all that comes with it. My DD looks the part physically but isn’t interested in attracting boys or spending time on her appearance.

My stepdaughter is the same. Has just turned 12. Only baths at her mums twice a week and by the time she gets to ours is a bit wiffy and her hair is greasy. So we have to push her to bath or shower and every morning she’s asked if she puts deodorant on (which she fibs about). Every morning my OH has to remind her to wash her face and brush her teeth. Can’t seem to do it without being reminded. And I don’t think she cares.

I’m hoping this will get better, now she’s at secondary school and around older girls.

You’re not alone, my daughter fibs about brushing her teeth, even when her toothbrush is dry she swears blind she has brushed them. She doesn’t bother with deodorant and often her sweaty armpits are noticeable but she doesn’t care.

Even tonight after a dance class she pretended she’d been in the shower.
She just says she doesn’t care

I meant her armpits smell stale, I didn’t mean she had sweat patches ⬆️

I suspect my 11 year old is the same...she says she has brushed he teeth but I stand next to her inn the bathroom on occasion to make sure she does it properly...shd "forgot" to put her PE kit in the wash two weeks running, leaving that and two sets of uniform on her peg at school...trying to get her to have a bath more than twice a week is a trial....she SAID she was washing her face but the spots on her face tell me she's cutting that part out...she has been known to wear tights for a week straight. I have to sneak in her room and remove her smelly washing and replace it without her knowledge...I've found sweat marks in her school shirts even though I have given her antiperspirant deodorant to use...it goes on.

Her dad remembers being the same at her age. He once managed not to wash for six weeks straight, until his mother locked him in the bathroom and insisted he had a wash! This was 1984...

My daughter wants me to buy hair straighteners and has been asking when she can get her eyebrows threaded so I told her when she’s bothered about her personal hygiene I’ll consider her requests.

Glad I found this thread, I'm at the end of my tether after noticing my 12 yr old dd had her pyjama top on under her school shirt! She spends ages on hair and face but not at all bothered about anything else.

Intrusive you’re definitely not alone, unfortunately!

It's definitely a phase.. My dd2 was feral between ages of 10 and 12. She was a weekly boarder at school and 5 of the 6 lovingly washed and packed clean pairs of knickers used to come home each week untouched by human hand. And one very crusty pair.
Hair washing was a nightmare and she smelt.
I bought her nice toiletries, tool her shopping let her choose etc... No help.

In the end just started a ritual every morning of standing over her with clean pants and a can of deodorant.

Also got her older sister to have a little chat with her....thst helped a lot.

Transformed when went to senior school with no nagging etc from me

So hang in there

Is it a control thing? Like toddlers and food. It's something you cant really force, so makes them feel in control of something. Also, is it about rejecting their changing bodies?