permissive parents

[permissivejan]

Are there any on here, we can't be the only ones!

If there are be interested to chat to them, curious how others respond. We seem to be forever in a battle with grandparents to our relaxed attitude with our daughter who is eight.

Friends think we should do as they do.

Example, went out with friends last Sunday, they have a daughter who is a year older then mine and a son a year younger. The children ended up playing in a lake with their clothing on and our friends shouted at their children but I overheard them talking, blaming my daughter and me for not punishing her.

I could go on but I will stop.

PM if you wish, I am allowed to use the PM system I think.

I'm not a permissive parent. It is fine for you to be.
But
Your daughter needs to know she is allowed to do loads of stuff that others aren't and, if you don't ensure this already, you must make sure she never encourages or teases others into doing things they aren't allowed.

I expect the other parents were a bit put out that their DCs clothes/shoes were soaking wet, with nothing to change into, possibly a journey home and they knew the kids wouldn't be comfortable.
and/or Concerned re dangers of playing in random lake.
and/or Concerned re dangers of drowning.

Can your daughter follow rules, or is she being brought up to do whatever she feels like?

Other than jumping in lakes fully clothed, I am curious to know what else your permissive and relaxed parenting style involves. Are there any rules or boundaries or can your DC do as they please?

Is your fully clothed, 8 yo a confident swimmer?

I'm not permissive, I try not to pick my battles but I do have boundaries in place, particularly if it involves anything that could be dangerous. My son jumped into the river next to his school on the last day in Year 6 but he had a spare change of clothes and we had previously agreed for him to do this with the rest of his friends, it's the school tradition that happens every year, I also watched and he's a confident swimmer.

I too am curious to know what your permissive parenting entails, other than allowing your dc to swim in a lake.

I assume that she is a strong swimmer, with or without clothes.

I regard myself as a fairly relaxed parent, but certainly not "permissive". There are boundaries, and I think they are necessary.

Why were a 7, 8 and 9 year old left by a lake unsupervised long enough to go in fully clothed?

More information needed

I wouldn't have an issue with my child safely playing in a lake fully clothed, necessarily.

I can't tell whether you're UR or not without more info.

If your friends didn't want their kids to get wet, they should have supervised them properly. That's not your problem.

A few years ago we stayed near a lovely shallow, sandy bottomed warm lake in the south of France which DD played in every day. Would I be happy for her to play in that lake, fully clothed in hot weather? Absolutely.

If I was out on a walk in England in November, came across a lake of unknown depth which could have thick mud at the bottom would I let her play in that fully clothed or otherwise? Absolutely not.

What’s the context here?

You are the parent and it’s your choice the parenting style you use. However, it can cause problems when they come up against more rigid boundaries and also I have had experience of children with permissive parents and it’s hell. One, at aged 6 thought it was totally fine to STAND on the dinner table and THROW black currant squash over the wall. Also, when my dd was 15 she hung around with a girl who was allowed to smoke weed in their house and Mum bought her ciggies. My daughter ended up addicted and mentally ill. In both cases the parents struck me as taking the easy option or wanting to be “friends” with their kids. Children need boundaries.

Unsupervised at that age near a lake in November?!?

Unless you're in the Southern Hemisphere, I can see why the other parents were appalled, and if their DC had been told to stay clear of the hazard (for open water is a hazard, especially when cold) I can see why they are tacking this as a peer pressure issue.

That means they need to teach their DC more about resisting peer pressure. It does not mean that your DD was not applying it.

Though if you don't want your parenting choices criticised, you also need to stop dishing out criticism of others - how they speak to their DC about the event is their business, just as how you speak to your DD is yours.