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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Do you give out chores?

20 replies

user1484937392 · 04/02/2017 13:01

I have 2 DD 11 & 13 and a DS 11. Should they do chores? Do you give out chores? Obviously they are meant to keep their bedrooms tidy but they never help around with anything else. Dishes pile up, their washing does. Do other DC get given chores? Do you hand them out? What chores do oh do if so? Their friends don't get chores. They do nothing so my DC think they shouldn't either? I'm currently so washing, lunch, the dishes and general cleaning. While they lay about doing nothing.

OP posts:

iklboo · 04/02/2017 13:06

DS is 11. He sets the table for tea every night and puts the bins out each week - as well as the normal keep his room tidy etc.

TizzyDongue · 04/02/2017 13:11

Absolutely. Their 'chores' are if something needs doing, they do it. Admittedly it's hit and miss (like this morning!) but a curt reminder that they live in this house and contribute to it's upkeep gets them moving.

DS (10) unloaded/loaded dishwasher, swept kitchen floor, cleared up his stuff from the house.

DS (13) vaccum, cleared up his stuff from house, vaccumed, put a wash on and made breakfast for him and his brother (pancakes!!)

Its my aim that they leave this house 'seeing' what needs to be done. Hope there's none of that bullshit from them when they are sharing a home with a future partner.

228agreenend · 04/02/2017 13:16

My teens are slightly older, 14 and 17.

Chores they do include:
Putting dirty clothes in laundry basket
Keeping room tidy (usually involves a bit of nagging to do this)
Making beds
Washing /drying up - when asked
Putting his out - when asked
Hoovering - when asked
Changing duvet covers (I hate this job, so glad they do this now, probably from age 12/14 onwards)
Raking leaves - when asked

I tend to get them to do chores more regularly during holidays and weekends, and fall into the trap of doing it All myself during term time.

228agreenend · 04/02/2017 13:19

Also, during recovery after recent op, got dcs to put washing on and get it out of the machine etc.

PleasantPhesant · 04/02/2017 13:20

We don't give out chores as such.

If I need help with something I'll ask for help. They have to keep their room tidy and clean.

I have to remind nag them to put their wrappers in the bin, dirty dishes in the dishwasher sometimes.

They help when asked but they don't have a specific job. They help as we're a family and we help each other iyswim. I don't want it to be a chore to do chores. So if there's a million things that need doing I'll ask one to empty/fill the washing machine, one to empty/fill the dishwasher/one to hoover/dust, one take the rubbish and recycling out etc

PleasantPhesant · 04/02/2017 13:21

Oh and sometimes if they really don't want to help I'll set a timer of twenty mins/half hour, put some loud music on and we all get a treat when the timer goes off. I try and make it fun.

Mine are aged between 4-11

228agreenend · 04/02/2017 13:22

Half term is coming up, why don't you introduce chores then. Eg. Get them each to clear up after meals for one day each, ask them to put dirty clothes away etc. I find turning the Internet off until the job is done is a good incentive!

Original poster

user1484937392 · 04/02/2017 13:36

We asked them all to wash dry and put away (don't have a dishwasher yet!) but that kind of came and went. I've been doing it. If they have washing they will stash it rather than putting it in the basket. They leave their dirty clothes in the bathroom on the floor after a wash. They never pick up their rubbish. Just leave that on the sofa or where ever. Even bringing me their cups from their bedroom happens once a month (drinks are banned upstairs ...) I'm just so fed up of running this house and they slob about watching tv. My season starts at work in 4 weeks and I know, like last year, I come home at night to do 8 hours worth of housework. I'm dreading it.

OP posts:

Ellapaella · 04/02/2017 14:27

My 14 year old ds cooks tea for us all one night a week which has been really good for him - he enjoys the responsibility and can now cook a bolognese, a rissotto, omelette and all kinds of things. He also is tasked with feeding the guinea pig once a day (he does am before school I do PM), cleaning the Guinea pigs hutch, helping with the dishwasher before and after meals. He is not very good at keeping his room very tidy but I pick my battles wisely to be honest. He has two younger brothers, my youngest son is 2 and ds has always been a huge help with him, he often plays with him while I make tea or do jobs if DH isn't at home. I know that some on here don't think that teens should be made to do much but I think it's an invaluable life lesson to teach them to take responsibility and do their share of family chores. He is also responsible for making sure his school uniform is washed (not left lying on his bedroom floor) and shoes are polished at the end of the week.

Ellapaella · 04/02/2017 14:29

Yes change the WIFi password until all jobs are done! Works wonders.

citychick · 09/02/2017 10:41

ds ,10, makes me a cuppa every morning . he also clears the dinner table and puts his washing in the laundry basket.
i also like him to get any sports kit he needs ready .
gradually encouraging more responsibility as he gets older.

ThornyBird · 09/02/2017 10:49

My 4dc aged 15 to 7 are expected to help stack/unstack the dishwasher, put their dirty washing in the basket, put their clean washing away, lay the table, sort the recycling and feed the cats when asked. They also tidy their rooms weekly.

Dc1 decided a couple of years ago that it was easier to do her own washing than put her dirty clothes in the basket (on the landing by the bathroom door) so does her own. Dc2 can do laundry and will sometimes put a load on if the mood takes him.

Both dc1 & 2 cook tea one night a week as I work until 6 and they need to be out for 6.30 so tea is ready for when I walk through the door. Dc4 decided his job is to make me a coffee in the morning (I have a little pod machine in the bedroom)

ThornyBird · 09/02/2017 10:53

Just seen about them leaving clothes - I'm afraid I turn into a screeching harpy and yell at whoever it is to come and put their stuff where it needs to be

Also, I won't seek laundry - if the basket is full, I wash. If they have chosen to leave everything on their floor, it isn't washed. It seems to have sunk in after each of them has had a no clean pants school morning

PandaPopsicle · 09/02/2017 11:51

I'm the same as ThornyBird- my DC have learnt the hard way that socks and pants don't magically clean themselves! as for leaving wrappers and rubbish on the sofas, I'd be making it VERY clear that kind of behaviour is unacceptable in our house. Unless they have severe SN, I'm sure your DC know it is wrong too. Do they drop litter outside? I doubt many of their friends get away with doing similar, whether they have chores to do or not.

CS2006 · 12/02/2017 21:54

Really interesting reading all your posts... I have 4 children between 8 and 12. We encourage them all to do small jobs (emptying dishwasher, hoovering, dusting) and they generally get on with it without much fuss. However, keeping their rooms tidy is a real sore point...especially the girls...they are sooo messy! I was thinking of starting to link chores/keeping rooms tidy to pocket money. Does anyone have any thoughts about how much you give them at this age and how to go about linking it to chores?

MumsGoneToIceland · 17/02/2017 07:29

DC are 6 and 9. We have tried to introduce chores for a while but were a bit lapse at enforcing and it was a battle but have been much more consistent since Christmas. Jobs are : set and clear table/load dishwasher, tidy up after themselves, make beds and keep room tidy, wipe around bathroom sink in the morning, help change sheets (they need help with it but are learning what to do) . We also decided to use Go Henry cards for their pocket money and their chores are linked to that. If they haven't done them, the money doesn't go across.

CS2006 · 18/02/2017 18:32

Thank you mumsgonetoiceland... you have inspired me to go about this in a much more structured way. We have given out weekly chores and expectations today. Wednesday will be payday. Fingers crossed!

BarchesterFlowers · 18/02/2017 18:36

Yes, emptying the dishwasher, tidying up all mess created , putting clothes into the right laundry baskets (we have four for different colours), making their own bed and changing the sheets and feeding the hens/collecting eggs.

I link it to pocket money, I am overly generous I know but I give £50 a month, only because it is always saved, only £70 gets spent a year on average, saving for a car for university apparently (at 10).

mamaduckbone · 25/02/2017 22:08

I have 2 Ds aged 11 and 7. They both help clear the table and lay it for dinner, ds1 often clears the plates, and they do the weekly sock pairing session and put them away.
Ds1 is expected to put his own laundry away, both put their laundry in the wash basket, put toys away etc.
Pocket money isn't dependent on chores - the way I see it everyone has a part to play in making the household run.

giggly · 07/03/2017 23:35

2 dd 7& 11. Both have daily chores. Both make their beds both feed the cats,1 before school and 1 after. Dd7 sweeps kitchen daily dd11 hoovers rugs. Both emlty/fill dishwasher as required. Both make an attempt at keepi g their rooms under control.All.pocket money based. In fact older dd does extra bedtime reading with her sister for extra money.
I am.on my own and work f/t so they know if they don't help it's less time I have with them, which works this now as it seems they quite like spending time with me.

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