Is it normal for 9 year old to often give head and back massages to her father?

[getmorepens]

dd is encouraged by her father (we're separated, never married) to give him massages. It doesn't feel right that she's doing it. On so many levels. I've asked him to stop getting her to do this, but now it's become their 'secret'. And that doesn't feel right. Does this happen in households where parents are together? Trying to get a barometer.

DS has given me shoulder massages many times.

I suspect it's now a secret simply because you made a fuss about it.

I pay mine small amounts to give me a massage and/of walk on my back. It does not feel intimate or sensual. DD2 is particularly good at it.

I'd say it's a secret because you tried to ban it.

I know I’m replying to a really old post but I’m absolutely astounded people think a nine year old girl giving massages to her father is normal. Proves to me what a bunch of messed up bored housewives on here who just like a reaction and stirring up trouble. If you feel like it’s wrong, trust your instincts. My dad used to make me do this to him and believe me it’s the tip of the iceberg.

Our 12 yr old DD gives DH and I massages all the time - she loves it. My 7 ur old DS will sometimes offer to massage our feet in return for more screen time but we aren't that cruel 😂

Only you will know OP whether this is a concern or not. I have no issues with it at all.

when i was young my poor dad would have his toenails painted, massages and hairstyles. i’d set up a spa in the living room and make him put a tea towel over his face for ‘relaxation’ lol

unless they go into a private room

Presumably if this is during her visits with him as a separated father, it IS in a private room / property, though?

I think it's reasonable for OP's 'spidey senses' to be tingling here. If he's recently started this as she becomes pubescent or something has changed about it recently, and/or he initiated the secrets side to it... or if he's simply getting into a pattern of asking her to provide caring actions that would more usually come from a partner (even if he's not thinking this way deliberately)...

Well, there are a few bits of this story that are off, even though in some father-daughter relationships this would be part of normal family life and not a problem, that isn't necessarily the case. The minutiae of how this all fits into a bigger picture are very important. Stay alert OP, IMHO.