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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

home alone at 11

23 replies

weveallkissedafrogor2 · 14/12/2016 14:07

a bit of advice needed please.

My DS is 11 (12 in March) he is sensible and knows all the dos and donts.
He walks to and from school every day and is left alone quiet often when younger siblioings are dropped at clubs or if I nip to the shops.

My predicament is this.
I have changed jobs so where I would normally leave at 8 to drop siblings at a childminders and he would leave at the same time as me, and then we would be home at the same time 330, I will now have to leave at 730 but wont be home until 430. He is ok with it as all he wants to do is come home and watch the tv until anyone gets in anyway....and some days he has afterschool clubs any way so wont be home as early any way.

Am I being a bad parent to do this???
I trust him and he knows the neighbors/ has a phone/ grandparents 5 mins away.

opinions please and thank you

OP posts:

StiginaGrump · 14/12/2016 14:08

If he is happy surely it's fine

DeadZed · 14/12/2016 14:09

I think it is fine to leave him for that length of time. I would do the same with my dd who is nearly 12.

dancemom · 14/12/2016 14:10

I leave for work at 8:10 and dd who is 11 doesn't leave till 8:30. Today I had a meeting so left at 7:40 and she was fine. She lets herself in after school one day a week and I think that's fine too. Usual rules about not answering the door etc apply!

Lweji · 14/12/2016 14:12

During the day?
Yes, fine.

In fact, my sensible 11 year old has been walking home by himself and letting himself in. Today he'll be there by about 15:30 and I will only get home at about 18:30.

The main thing that worries me is in case someone notices it's a regular thing. So, I'd just advise him to keep quiet (even with friends) about getting and being home alone.

Original poster

weveallkissedafrogor2 · 14/12/2016 14:16

Thanks all
I thought it was ok but needed someone else to say the same

OP posts:

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 14/12/2016 14:20

I think it's totally fine

DrDreReturns · 14/12/2016 14:22

Totally fine. My ten year old is left home alone for short periods of time and walks himself to school and back.

Soon2bC · 14/12/2016 14:24

Absolutely fine, I did this with no problems.

TeenAndTween · 14/12/2016 14:24

I'm on the cautious side and I would be OK with this for my DD age 12.
I would set an alarm for leaving school and have a rule no electronics in morning unless completely ready.

Purplebluebird · 14/12/2016 14:31

I think this is fine :) I had the same situation from age 10, and it was no problem at all.

Original poster

weveallkissedafrogor2 · 14/12/2016 14:35

this is so reassuring guys thank you very much.
tween the alarm is a good thing, ive said that hes to be up and ready at the same time as us anyway so just a quickphone call when he leaves the house to make sure dogs in bed/lights off/door locked will work well.

OP posts:

mummyharvey · 14/12/2016 15:56

Thank you OP for posting this. DD is a sensible 10yr old, walks home from school on her own & I too will be changing jobs meaning DD will be home 2hrs before me.

TeenAndTween · 14/12/2016 16:21

mummyharvey However the cautious part of me would not be overly happy in your situation. Your child is younger, and will be home alone for 2 consecutive hours. If this would be 5 days a week, could you get them doing some after school clubs to shorten the time, or use after school childcare for some days?

mummyharvey · 14/12/2016 16:31

I forgot to mention that's 3 days a week with 1 day me coming home at 3:30pm. We do have childminder in place despite DD's disappointment in that.

JustDanceAddict · 16/12/2016 18:14

I get home about half an hour after my kids aged 12 & 14. 12 yr old happy to be here for a bit on his own, but is not that confident about being left still and he's Year 8.

I think it's the coming home to an empty house thing that I'm
Not keen on for younger ones. I'd prob see if he can go to a friend or family member for first hour?

user1483893543 · 08/01/2017 17:10

Yeah, totally fine. My kids are 13 this month, and I let them stay at home when I go off to the shops, let them walk short distances by themselves (My mam's house is across the road) and let them come in from school by themselves. They've been doing this since they were 11 so what you're doing is fine.

BackforGood · 09/01/2017 19:24

Very normal and OK for afterschool.
My ds would - at that age - have become engrossed in something, and forget to leave the house on time, or forget to shut the front door, etc., but my dd1 would have been fine - you know your child

user1486036448 · 10/02/2017 16:56

I've just come on here to see what the concesus is on this as my 11 yr old daughter has asked for a key for the odd occasion when her after school clubs are cancelled and I may be half hour getting home. However I'm worried she lacks common sense and I've never left her on her own as I feel she's too young - this has made me think. i was furious today as her school teacher asked her why she didn't have a key in shock - it's none of their business if she has one or not but of course she is now saying she must have one and even the teacher thinks so ! Fuming

DevelopingDetritus · 10/02/2017 17:26

I agree with the teacher, she should have a key.

user1486036448 · 10/02/2017 17:57

She isn't left alone hence why no key she is picked up she's not left outside or anything just to explain. I do need to give her some responsibility but when she loses things every week I suspect we will be changing our locks soon

DevelopingDetritus · 10/02/2017 19:06

Is your daughter in secondary school?
If a key is lost with nothing to identify it to your house, then it shouldn't be a problem, I know not ideal but still. Would she wear a lanyard with a key attached under her clothes maybe. Or would a key hidden in your back garden be an option.

user1486036448 · 10/02/2017 22:47

I think everyone is missing the point a little it doesn't matter how old a child is every child is different. Leaving a child alone, and they are children at 11, is something that should be weighed up carefully. It's not just them feeling ok, it's all the other risks, if a parent feels justifiably there 11 year old isn't ready, which my daughter isn't, then that's fine. Hiding a key in the back garden is a burglars dream (my husband is a police officer and that the oldest trick in the book) no offence meant in any way. I just think that attaching an age to it isn't great there are some very sensible 9 year olds and not so 13 year olds. A teacher has no right to question our decision.

Sundance2741 · 12/02/2017 08:15

So your dd is able to wait at school if a club is cancelled? If so, there is no reason for her to let herself in at home. I agree it depends on the child, not their age. Personally I'd have a chat with the teacher and explain your thinking - you're right that they shouldn't question it unless they believed the child was at risk in some way (whereas in this case they seem to be wanting to put your child at risk)

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