How to get 10 year old to use deodorant?

[hillbilly]

Hi, posting for a friend at her request. Her DD (almost 11) is clearly developing physically but is in complete denial of it. After suggestions from her mum that she starts to use deo she has said she would rather smell than use it. Her breasts are starting to develop and she will not entertain the conversation of getting a bra or even a cropped vest. Her mum talked to her about personal hygiene and that at school the odour will be noticeable to others but she still would not budge. She is a lovely girl (good friend of my DD), not influenced by peer pressure at all, very clever and very conscientious. Any thoughts on how to gently persuade her?

Tricky. It is her body and we're not talking about medical necessity here (I'd argue that it is a social necessity sometimes).

Has anyone asked her why she would prefer to smell than use it? Is she scared of something, perhaps horrified at the thought of growing up?

Thanks Adder. Yes you have nailed it. She is completely horrified at the thought of growing up. While her friends are walking to each others houses to play or going to the park by themselves, she is adamant that she will not and is not ready for it (which is fair enough).

Okay, so has she got some fixed idea of what growing up is? Can she be encouraged to grow up her way? So, if she doesn't want to go to the park by herself can she be grown up by learning to cook or volunteering (not sure what would be possible for a 10-year-old).

Is anyone teasing her about a future of boyfriends or making her feel self conscious and keen to remain a child?

Just thinking that if whatever is at the root of this can be sorted, then she might be more open to compromise on the deodorant.

If she is clever / conscientious, is the way forward perhaps by getting her a suitable book about growing up and letting her read and absorb it in her own time?

I would say that absolute fear / rejection of growing up is slightly worrying, though - who does she admire who likes her bring a 'little girl' (dad, mum, grandparents?) Why would she prefer to be a 'little girl' than to grow up naturally? What is she afraid that she will 'lose' by growing up - affection, a particular role that she plays for someone else? Or is it that she is worried about moving schools in a year or so and thus wants to stay 'little and safe'# in her primary school? Is there anyone a couple of years older than her, and a couple of years along this journey, who could act as a role model or mentor?

Or is she actually moving schools this summer (you mention that she is almost 11) and wants to remain 'little' so she can stay in her current environment? Or is she much more developed than her friends and is very embarrassed by this?

I teach girls around this age group, and though a few are worried about some aspects of puberty, it is rare to deny it entirely.

Yes she is going to secondary in sept and prob the fear of change (all kinds of changes) is bothering her. Ironically her little sister who is 9 is the opposite!

The 10 yr old already is very involved in a hobby which she spends her whole Saturday at and has also been away doing this hobby for a week without her parents last year. Very studious and a perfectionist at school. She is not babied at home and is mature in a lot of ways. Don't think there is teasing from school and her group have not reached the boyfriends thing yet. I'll show the mum this thread and see what she thinks about all the kind responses. Thanks

I'd treat it the same way as checking they've showered/ cleaned teeth etc. It would be non negotiable.