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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

DD(11) feeling really down about not starting puberty

13 replies

sweetkitty · 03/02/2016 23:05

DD1 is 11 1/2 and tiny, height wise she's not that small but is only 4 1/2 stone. Of course all the girls in her class are taller and developing, DD1 was tiny great buds but that's it. She's still only a size 1 in shoes too.

It's really getting her down, I said she has to eat a little more to put on muscle but she's said she doesn't want to be fat (alarm bells) we don't use thin or skinny we use healthy and how being overweight isn't healthy. She's very sporty loves gymnastics, dancing and running.

It's really getting her down I don't know if the other girls are saying things but they all look so much more developed and taller than she does and she's says she looks about 8.

OP posts:
madmother1 · 03/02/2016 23:09

She's very young. My DD didn't bloom until about 13 and is very womanly now. She prayed for her periods and now moans about them. I seem to remember reading that you start your periods when you weigh 7 stones. Reassure her that everyone grows at different rates.

ScarlettDarling · 03/02/2016 23:12

Ah, poor lamb. 11 is still so young and she's unlucky that she's the only one in her group of friends who hasn't started developing yet. At 11 there will be loads of girls who still look like little girls, as well as the ones who look about 18!

Just keep reassuring her that it will all happen, that she's totally normal. You could get her the book 'are you there God? It's me, Margaret.' By Judy Blume which is all about a girl who is desperate to start her periods and be just like her friends!

Original poster
sweetkitty · 03/02/2016 23:15

I have been reassuring her, I didn't start me period until just before I turned 13, I was a funky little thing too (remember being delighted when I finally was a size 8 so I could shop at TopShop oh the irony).

She's also upset as its affecting her running as she's moved up a group and the other girls are so much taller and stronger than she is.

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 03/02/2016 23:19

she will continue to gain height up until her menses and puberty afterwards it all stops. so tell her it's a good thing as she still has some growing to do. athletic children usually start later.

JustDanceAddict · 04/02/2016 09:11

I was size 1 in shoe when I went into secondary at just 11 and very slim (not short), and I started my periods at age 12 which was pretty average. My boobs were pretty much non-existant, but they did grow and as an adult I am a reasonable size (32D). Please tell her not to worry. My DD is 13, also slim, but started in August (a few weeks after her 13th bday). She grew (in height mainly) massively in the year before she started. She has also filled out quite a bit, which is good. She;s approx 5 foot 5 now and a size 8 - she may grow a little bit more, but not much. Some friends of mine said they started their periods early and remained short as most height is gained before they start.

Seeline · 04/02/2016 09:15

My DD is 11 1/2 too and shows no signs whatsoever. It doesn't seem to be worrying her though. She is also tiny (heightwise she looks more at home in a Y4/5 class than her Y7 one), and takes a size 2 shoe (just).
She dances a lot, but not sporty. She finds it very hard trying to compete with other girls in her age group who are head and shoulders above her.

Frazzled2207 · 04/02/2016 09:35

Bless her. Nothing was happening to me at 11- Things started happening at 13 which I think was fairly normal.

TirNannyOgg · 04/02/2016 09:40

Bless her, such a hurry to grow up! I was very sporty and did not start until I was 16, weighed around 6stone which I think was the trigger. Varies enormously from girl to girl, hope she does not worry too much.

iPost · 04/02/2016 09:59

I second the Judy Bloom recommendation.

I was tiny weight wise and didn't get my periods almost until I left school. It felt like the end of the world that everybody else had boobs and periods except me.

At least with Judy in hand I felt understood as I went through the ever expectant knicker inspection.... that felt very much like a watched pot never boils. I ended up lying in the face of the constant "have you started yet ?" questioning that went on in my peer group. And spent the next 2 years feeling furtive and trying to keep my story straight and not claim a period too near to the last time I claimed a period in progress.

I can't wait to lose my periods now menopause looms. But I clearly remember feeling very down and sometimes a bit distressed about being left behind and left out. Never did get any boobs worth mentioning, but the relief when I started was enormous.

Although I went off the entire concept about an hour after I first came on.

tkband3 · 04/02/2016 10:12

DD1 who is 12 was crying about this very subject last night. In her case, things are made even worse by the fact that she has twin sisters who, although 2 years younger than her, are developing earlier and more significantly than she is. They both needed bras a few months ago; I bought DD1 some as well, so she wouldn't feel bad (they are useful for concealing the small buds that she does have). They're around the same height as her, although we always try to fudge it when they get measured to make sure she comes up at least an inch or so taller.

All three girls have coeliac disease, but DD1 wasn't diagnosed till she was nearly 3, despite obviously suffering from the moment she started eating gluten. This has obviously affected her development somewhat so I feel incredibly guilty that I should have done more to make the doctors listen to me and have her diagnosed sooner. But then I didn't start my periods till I was 13 - as I was in a class of girls who were all at least 6 months older than me, I was desperate by this time, so I do have some understanding of how she feels. But of course that's no comfort for her. Nor is there any point in telling her she'll be fed up with having periods within a couple of months of starting them!

I wish there was something I could do - either to make her grow and start puberty, or to slow her sisters' development down. It makes her very frustrated and she inevitably takes it out on her sisters... Still, once they've all started, our house is going to be a hotbed of hormones for several years (if DH is particularly lucky, I'll start the menopause as well Grin).

Original poster
sweetkitty · 04/02/2016 19:02

Tkband - your poor DD1 but you shouldn't blame yourself. My DD1 has two younger sisters one only 18 months younger than her. She's started getting little breastmilk buds too but she couldn't care less as she's a tomboy and is a bit disgusted my boobs anyway.

I know she shouldn't be in a hurry to grow up and the minute she gets periods she won't want them. It's mostly the height thing with her as she's so little, DH and I arent particularly small either, I think the predictions were 5 foot 5 for her give or take an inch.

OP posts:
tumpymummy · 07/02/2016 13:16

My DD also aged 11 is not near puberty either and to be honest I'm quite glad. I want her to stay a little girl as long as possible. Lots of her friends look much older than her, but I like that she is still a little girl, there is plenty of time to be grown up in the future. DD is very sporty so I am sure that is what is delaying puberty in her case (and I was a late developer too). Her friend, who was an early starter actually suffers because people expect her to act older than she actually is.

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