DS instagram and Facebook

[olivesnutsandcheese]

Had a lovely weekend away with DH only to find out that DSS (11) has set up Twitter, instagram and Facebook accounts using a newly set up alternative email account
We're so disappointed. He doesn't even know that we know yet as he's fast asleep. Really not sure how to handle it. Does anyone have any experience/suggestions? We have recently had a discussion about social media and made it clear he would need to be at least 13 for any of them.

If his friends all have it then he is going to want it. I have to say I used the Internet younger than him but was mostly for gaming. I did however have bebo when I was young as all my friends did! My parents made clear I mustn't make friends with anyone I do not know.

Maybe speak to him regarding this and monitor his accounts? Tell him in order to keep the account you must hace access to them??

If you totally don't want him having social media then I'm not sure what to advise as he will probably just make up another with another email.

Good luck

Agree with pp that he will Just set up other accounts behind your back again. I'd trial him with them making sure you have access to his accounts at all times and let him earn your trust. Discuss with him the dangers of speaking to people he doesn't know, sharing information etc and if you see anything your not happy with you will be deleting the accounts

I agree his friends will have them i would do what pp have said and allow it but on your terms no secret accounts id limit it to facebook for now Have a serious word with him about not asking you though, when 1 of mine were that age the pc was the only internet access phones were not smart or i so it was easier to monitor now everythingthey is internet ready and its easier for them to set up accounts.

its bloody frustrating though the age limit is pretty clear for facebook and instagram (not sure about twitter) its 13 If you honestly dont want him on social media which is fair enough then you are going to have to control his devices too.

thanks for the comments. When we bought him the smart phone we told him if he abused it, it would be taken away. I've been to Argos and bought the most basic phone. I guess he will start secondary school with it in September and have to deal with that.

It is so difficult isnt it kids socialise online these days which makes it harder to parent then the way you want to and even the quietest of children will be sneaky blighters.

Can you not turn off internet access on the phone, either via the phone or the network provider?

imo 11yo do not need internet access on their phone, irrespective of whether or not you would be happy for them to use social networking sites via a pc.

Until DD1 turned 16 she did not have access via her phone, and internet was on laptop in living room.

All this 'he'll only do it behind your back' stuff is just abdicating responsibility in my eyes. I think you are doing the right thing by changing his phone. He has shown he can't be trusted, and you need to step up and be the parent.

Totally agree. My 13yo dd has been banned from having a phone full stop because she can not be trusted on them. She used to be good as gold, but since starting high school, has turned into the devil. There is no way I would allow her to have fb when she can't even be trusted with snapchat! ????
Only you can decide on if he's mature enough to have the responsibility of social media access. It's a tough decision. I personally wouldn't want my daughters seeing some of the horrid stuff that gets shared via fb and instagram also

Have an 11 year old here about to go off to secondary school and it was only a couple of months ago he wanted to set up instagram. We said no, he sulked for a bit, got over it. A few weeks later all hell at school, loads of cyberbulling going on through instagram!

DS has internet access at home on his phone. He has his own tablet and laptop but knows that I will and have checked his emails/messages if I feel the need to.

Me and DP have discussed at what age we would allow him to have facebook/instagram etc at that is 13 and we have told DS this.

If we found that DS had set up accounts behind our backs, knowing that he is not supposed to he would have all gadgets confiscated for an amount of time including his xbox (which would hit him hard :) )

It is a nightmare, honestly it makes my blood boil, and it is the biggest challenge of our times.
We don't think facebook etc is acceptable at 11yrs old either and just giving up, as some others have suggested is not an option. He is a child, he NEEDS you to set boundaries and keep him safe, you can not do that if he is allowed free rein on the internet.

We have and would happily put our foot down again with our dd. Set the rules, again, if they are broken again then I would take away whatever you feel would be the most painful ~ perhaps all phones, ipods etc, xbox for the duration. It is the only thing that works. Email his friends parents and find out if their ds are really on facebook, and perhaps suggest that there is some consensus between you, as your children are playing good cop bad cop with all of you. Having said that you will always have one or two parents that can't be bothered to check what their children are doing, and so you will need to explain to your ds that you are stopping him because you care, because you are a good parent and are keeping him safe.

I have no doubt our children will grow up and will completely understand our fears, even as teens my nieces and nephews will tell me NOT to allow my younger children on there, that they are relieved to be past all of that. There is a lot of bullying on these things and nothing good can come from your ds being on fb at 11yrs. Stick to your guns, there are plenty of us that are doing the same.

Ps changing your son's phone is a brilliant move. I will remember that one! :)

I set up the 'brick' today. Much wailing that he couldn't even work out how to make a call etc

DS is going to have to learn the hard way on this issue as DH and I won't budge. He is clearly too immature for social media particularly as one of his reasons was that all his friends were pressurising him to set up an instagram account. I find it really sad and very worrying that so many of his friends are allowed social media.

Here and here!! Good for you. It is sad for those children left to rot on fb and the like. It is a mental health time bomb at best, given what can be accessed and the damage to young minds.
The internet has a depraved and dangerous dimension that we can not control directly, but we can stop it from seeping into our homes and ruining our children's lives and kills their innocence and feelings of security and safety over night.
In future, I am sure our society will get a proper handle on this, in the meantime I am not letting my kids play with the psychos and predators. Our government has been way to slow in protecting children in this respect, it is to their shame we are even having this conversation.
Well done you with the brick!!! I have to say you sound much stronger and ready to take on the world, and that is the way we all need to be.

tbh It's not 'psychos and predators' I've been particularly concerned about.

It's bitchy girls from school, and accidentally getting into arguments by writing something that the writer thinks is a 'joke' but someone else takes seriously. That sort of thing.

Also socialising online rather than in real life, and disturbed sleep, and having a virtual, shallow life rather than a real life with real activities and real friendships.

And accessing inappropriate content whether that is you-tube, friends of friends on facebook, or just general google searches.