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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Rudeness

20 replies

DorothyL · 10/05/2015 22:09

Dd is 11. Recently she has started to be really rude to me quite frequently - three times this weekend. I find it really hard, it breaks my heart. What's the best way to deal with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
DorothyL · 11/05/2015 07:58

.

OP posts:
PositiveAttitude · 11/05/2015 10:37

Dorothy - I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I have had 5 DC go through the pre-teens and teens, so know what it feels like for your lovely little girl to suddenly start acting with attitude.

I feel you should mention when you feel she is being rude to you. Tell her it is unacceptable. She will be testing boundaries, so set your markers out now. But also, sometimes you do need to let small things pass so that you can tackle the bigger things. (In my eyes rudeness is not a small thing, so mine would have been tackled on that!)

I found with all my girls (4 of them) that the pre-teens were more difficult than teen stage on the whole. Has she hit puberty yet? Once their periods become more regular I found that the rudeness, answering back, attitude issues were more limited to one week of the month. (not much help when I had 4 of them like, it, but that was my fault!!! Wink )

Original poster
DorothyL · 11/05/2015 13:38

Thank you very much for answering. Yes she hasstarted puberty but there is no pattern to her attitude/moods. I certainly tell her that it upsets me, she apologizesthen starts again...

OP posts:
ducdo · 13/05/2015 12:29

Hi DorothyL, I am in the exact same situation - we have three children 2 boys and the middle DD aged 11 nearly 12. She started her periods 3 months ago and is as you describe with your daughter.
Sometimes can be lovely, very caring, but most of the time, just nasty and rude. So much sarcasm and attitude and I am astounded in the way she speaks to me sometimes (and my husband, her brothers - its not just me!).

When I ask her why she is being so rude she doesnt seem to have an answer and will just walk off / cover her ears / do her own thing.

She is in year 7 at school and very easily distracted in class which is causing problems. Regular warnings in class from the teachers for not concentrating and when I talk to her about this, she doesnt seem to realise the longer term implications.

I find her so horrible at time, it really upsets me that my lovely daughter would behave in such a way.

I've also heard it may pass... but if we have to wait 2/3 years I worry by then things will have really escalated by then and would love to know how to nip it in the bud now so we can all enjoy eachothers company and not be arguing all the time.

Even yesterday when I was talking to her about her behaviour, she replied 'yes Miss' .. with such sarcasm. When I picked her up on this, she seems to be oblivious to how rude she sounds.

Its awful ... would love some tips of how to get through this if anyone can share some!

hillyhilly · 15/05/2015 22:30

I'm with you ladies, my dd is 10, y5, possibly starting puberty and is rude, nasty, grumpy, sarcastic and selfish as well as being loving, funny, popular and sweet!!
She is so unkind to her little brother (7), this really bothers me but every attempt to correct it (literally every time he opens his mouth she shoots him down), is taken by her of further proof of favouritism.

babymama7 · 20/05/2015 09:00

Wow glad i arent alone my 11 yr old told me this morning i Am the worst mum ever shouting and screaming over nothing

voluptuagoodshag · 27/05/2015 01:08

Oh I've had such a shit day so it's good to hear I'm not alone. My DD changes her mood when the wind blows. There is not telling when she'll flare up. I'm exhausted by it. She hasn't started her periods but has boobs, body hair, spots etc so not long off I'm sure.
I've done so many nice things for her today and she never even said thank you. Apparently at school she is a model pupil but I'm getting the brunt of the moods. It's so horrible. Hence the reason I'm on mumsnet at 1am and will be a grumpy shit myself tomorrow.

lljkk · 27/05/2015 03:33

DD had the most venomous tongue at that age, I don't know what it was about. Just kept scolding & eventually learnt some tact.

NickiFury · 27/05/2015 03:52

Excessive rudeness in this house results in iPads being confiscated and/or wifi being turned off. Apologies usually arrive pretty quickly.

Tootssweet · 27/05/2015 04:35

I have this brewing with our 10 yo y5 dd. There are times when she is her usual laid-back, happy self and then there are times when she becomes possessed by pre-teen hormones! (At least that's how it feels). I am trying my best to point out rudeness but feel that sometimes I need to watch & pick my battles.

Will watch with interest on (much needed) advice

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/06/2015 23:03

Adding for support and tips

LindyHemming · 09/06/2015 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fellowship33 · 13/06/2015 08:10

That's what mine is doing Euphemia - analysing my behaviour and expressions. She's taken to screaming 'let me finish' 'do not interrupt' in my face if I 'dare' to stop her haranguing me. Feel like a punchbag and I've had enough of it. Am thinking I need to keep being consistent and firm (and thick skinned!) and hope it passes.

LindyHemming · 13/06/2015 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nena7 · 13/06/2015 08:31

Seems like many are in the same situation here. How do you guys deal with it? My husband and I have slightly different views here... Do you "punish" - and what is that "punishment", warn about consequences - and if so, what are those consequences? Or do you just talk and tell off? I'd love to know because I find this hard!

FamilyAngel · 19/07/2015 18:49

Ladies my heart goes out to you all. I have worked with preteen and teenage girls and while I agree you cannot just ignore the rude and disrespectful behaviour I would just like to let you know it is not personal or to a certain extent deliberate. Your girls are feeling out of sorts, their emotions are all over the place, they have little control over them and do not understand why. On top of that they have a "knowing" that over the next few years they have to step back from you and learn to stand on their own 2 feet All very confusing. In the meantime many Mums almost go through a grieving period for the gorgeous little girl that they have 'lost" The good news is that I promise you this is a phase and they do come through it and become young ladies you will be proud of and there are techniques you can use to help with the discipline. My biggest piece of advice at this stage is please do not take it personally.

CelibacyCakeAndFuckThePO · 19/07/2015 19:27

She's been lovely for 2 days actually, I am expecting a monumental backlash from tomorrow onwards.

We have a pattern of a week of rude and petulance, with a smattering of total selfishness and inability to empathise. Then a couple of days reprieve.

She starts high school in September. I'm hoping she'll be too tired to give me attitude, at least for a while anyway.

proudmummy2004 · 22/07/2015 15:47

You are definitely not alone! My DD does this frequently too and it drives me mad as nothing I say or do seems to stop it!

proudmummy2004 · 22/07/2015 15:48

Thank you - was good to read this. Like many other Mums it does feel personal and endless! I am pretty sure I wasn't as bad but perhaps my own Mum would disagree lol X

CelibacyCakeAndFuckThePO · 22/07/2015 18:57

My mum is supportive but every now and then I see a knowing look in her eye "ha, payback's a bitch" ????

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