Is my child a bully?

[niamh29]

Last year a neighbour told me my daughter (8 years old) and a couple of other kids were excluding her daughter from their play. Her daughter is very dramatic and I know my daughter doesn't get on well with her anyway but I had a big chat with her about always including everyone and being kind, it happened again and my neighbour doesn't want my daughter playing with hers anymore. DD insists she did not bully her and I believe her but today she was mean (by exclusion again) to another kid and he got upset, 2 other kids hid on him and she told him they weren't there. I was sooooooooo mad, I told her I had defended her the last time because I believed she wasn't capabke of being mean and now it has happened again. I am so mad I can hardly look at her and I am at a complete loss as to how to handle this. I always try to be kind and respectful to everyone and I can't believe my child could be a bully!!!

Try to stay calm, as your daughter is only eight and has plenty of time to develop better morals. Have a sit down again and a long chat, talk about how the news of her bullying another child makes you feel and how they feel when she does it.

Try to get her to open up to you about why she did it on the first place, maybe get some books on ting and go through them with her. Have her apologise to both children and keep her away from them in future to prevent further temptation if possible.

Thanks for the reply, I had a long chat with her this morning and discussed feelings on both sides, she is extremely remorseful and very sad about it. I told her that I wouldbt bring it up again but that she wouldn't be allowed out without me (I don't feel like I can trust her) it's a small neighbourhood, I don't want her to get a reputation as a bully. I don't know if what I've done is the right thing but I will definitely get a couple of books too. I know she knows all the "bully" rules, we've discussed it at length but I think she just wants to be cool and will go along with whatever the other kids are doing. Not making excuses for her though, it was just wrong.

You're doing all of the right things and you seem like a great mum. Keep going.

Blimey, they all do this sort of thing. I think you are being really ott and I wouldn't have taken on board what the other mother said without corroboration. That was last year and your dd is eight - you shouldn't still be thinking about it.

i think youre getting too deeply involved in 8 year olds friendships. They are ALL capable of being mean, and dramatic, but it boils over.

Youre right to talk to her about it, but i think mostly its just the age.

Talk to your dd about being kind but also bear in mind that it is ok not to want to play with everybody all the time. Has she said why she didn't want to play with these children? Does she usually play with them? Had they argued? Are they actually nice to play with (memories of the little girl down the road who used to run crying and tell the moment she didn't get her own way).