DS 10 doesn't seem to realise/care that he's overweight

[CarolDW]

My 10 year old boy is overweight, he's 4"5 and weighs 6st7lbs. He really does look quite fat especially when compared to other boys at his school. The problem is that he doesn't seem to realise that he is overweight or that it is a problem, he just seems completely oblivious to it and I don't know why. Should I try talking to him about it or should I just give him a hint about it ? I'm sure someone will know what I should do :)

It doesn't have to be a secret that you're changing his diet - nothing wrong with telling him outright that you're worried he isn't getting his five a day, and he's eating too much sugary stuff, so you're going to change it to make sure he gets more veg and less junk.

Funny I used to be a member of another forum (that was a mistake) and there was a parent there who kept posting threads about her 'fat' children openly mocking them. For example her daughter's shorts apparently split on a day out. She would then described their terrible diet, take no responsibility and vanish for a while. She eventually stopped posting after the outcry against her horrible posts. The style was overwhelmingly similar.

OP you are either creating wind up posts, in which case get a life, or you are a cruel and neglectful person.

I think you should talk to the school too. No primary school should be offering burger and chips and chocolate fudge cake and then the same again for seconds! Our school has good school dinners - nothing like what you report and I'm surprised this is still happening post Jamie...

It sounds like you need to make a lot of changes Carol. Can you go through the cupboards today and chuck out all the chocolate and biscuits?

I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of 'reverse' thread and you're actually the friend of the mum or the child's father. How can you not see how responsible you are for this? Why would you worry about how he sees himself - you're totally missing the point! There is so much you can change, even if you change just one thing you'll probably make a difference.

Don't give him Mcdonalds, it should only by a treat (like onces a month maybe)
Don't buy/bake cakes biscuits or chocolate. Give him fruit with white yogurt and nuts for pudding (this is what we do in our house, they love it)
Pizza should also just be a treat.
I also have a pasta and bread lover here! He loves his carbs, I give him pasta twice a week, the rest of the week its rice (potatoes maybe once a week).
Instead of break I give him an apple for snack.
It works.

I disagree with offering McD's as a "treat" - that sets it up as something desirable (which it clearly is at the moment, but there's no need to reinforce that). We have McD's when there is no other option - ie it's a food of last resort, something you eat when everything else is closed or you can't get something better. (I like McD's but I'm not admitting this to DS!) As a result, we've had exactly four visits to McD's in 12 years, and DS would not see it as a treat at all.

Can you approach it as a family project to get healthier? Buy less McDonalds, cakes, biscuits and chocolates. If it's not in the house, he can't eat it. Get him involved in planning, shopping for and cooking meals. Make Friday "treat evening" and have pizza then. When you make pasta, cook just enough that everybody can get a reasonable portion but there isn't any left over for seconds. Go for a walk after supper. Maybe get a pedometer and tell your DS once he has walked x steps he can get a treat. It would obviously be better if the treat is not something edible but that is hard to pull off.

I think I have worded some of my posts badly and I'm giving the impression that my son is to blame, that is definitely not the case, I am aware that it is my fault not his.

Oooh, lastinglight gamifying exercise is def. one way to go - it doesn't work with some people, but with others it works BRILLIANTLY. A pedometer, with rewards for x number of steps, is a really good idea.

I'd be surprised if a 10 year old didn't realise he was overweight. Everything needs to change. You need to start cooker proper food and serving proper portions, he needs to eat less and exercise more.

What exercise does he do? Does he walk to school? Can he join some clubs etc? If you don't change things now you'll be making his life really difficult in the future.

Didn't you post about your worries about his weight before Christmas?

I may have missed the response but why are you so concerned that he doesn't realise he is overweight? He is a 10 year old CHILD! What do you think is going to happen if he does realise he is overweight? Are you anticipating that he will approach you and ask to radically change his diet and start exercising?! Are you trying to abdicate responsibility for his diet and weight management onto his shoulders?

You are the adult here and the one who is stuffing him full of McDonalds, pizza and other high-fat food. This isn't just his issue, it is a whole family issue - unless you feed him pepperoni pizza while everyone else is eating baked potato with tuna and salad?! How do you manage not to be overweight if you are sharing this rubbish diet with him? If you are not eating the same food, why not? What makes it good enough for him but not for you?

Sorry to be harsh but you need to take charge here and it makes me so cross that you are trying to avoid the issue and pass the responsibility to him.

Chocolate fudge cake at school? They wouldn't allow that.

So are you going to make changes to his diet OP? What are you planning to cook for his dinner tonight?

Age 10 is abit Young to be worried about your weight, when my son started to get a little podgy I signed him up for karate , and we started to go swimming, and on nature walks, plus He had a smaller plate looking like he had got more food than he had, he soon lost the extra weight, my daughter on the other hand was born with prada willi not matter what we've put in place for her hasn't worked and she's quite large

A friend of mine described her DS (10) as 'putting on a bit of weight' and 'plumpish'.

When I saw him (it had been a while) I was shocked. He was fat.

But he was oblivious. Happy as Larry.

She asked me what I thought and I was honest (not in front of th elittle boy).

It was tricky. He doesn't have a diet much different to others his age, and his older brothers and sisters are all slim despite them munching on the usual teen fodder!

We worked out that he has a natural pre-disposition to putting on weight, that he's more sedentary than his peers and siblings (he loves reading and lego etc).

She tried to change his life style in the QT, but it didn't fly. He wanted that bar of chocolate everyone else was having, he didn't want to jump on the trampoline thanks for asking!

So she told him the truth.

And actually it was fine. She did it very matter of fact. She weighed him. Told him what he was supposed to weigh. Explained that is was unhealthy not to weigh that and that she was worried.

She approached it in the way you'd have to approach a medical condition. It's unfair, it's not nice, but it is what it is.

OP I would start by making changes to your diet, as both of you. Tell him that you want to take of your health and his so you are making changes to what you eat (include partner, siblings etc in it too).

Inform yourself on what is a good diet, add plenty of vegs to his diet, reduce the sugar.
Leave the school lunges as they are atm.
Teach him what is a good choice and why. NOT for the weight but for his health (diabetes ect etc).
Do some exercise with him go to the swimming pool, go for long walks at the weekend, play tennis, go on the trampoline. Whatever he is more likely to enjoy and do it with him.

Reduce the amount of time he is spending in front of the computer/TV/Xbox etc.

Lead by example and don't expect him to realise he is overweight and then have the self control to look at how much he eats etc when so many adults can't do it!!!

On the assumption this is genuine...you need to assume in school he will be having 2x chicken burgers & chips followed by fudgecake daily and adjust what he has at home to counter this.

Cocoa pops will not fill him. I'd give him the peanut butter still, but with a banana. For evening meal I'd do a batch of home made soup, stir fry, omelette. Treats would be fruit/yoghurt but in controlled amounts.

You can't control what he has for lunch (unless packed lunch is an option) so to get him to lose weight it's down to what you give him at home.

Btw it's not because he hasn't said anything or doesn't seem bothered that he hasn't realised he us bigger than his friends or that none has made a comment to him.

And there us no way he will loose weight wo him realising you have changed things.

And you don't actually want him to loose weight as such. You want him NOT to put weight on. As he us growing, he will naturally slim down iyswim.

My ds has a tendancy to the large - he is 11 now.

He is not fat, but we have discussed the need to have a healthy diet. He avoids puds at school unless they are his absolute favourite.

I cut out all fruit juice and sugary treats at home. No puds with meals at home generally, unless it's a yoghurt.

For preference, he would spend his free time on computer games. However, he plays sport twice a week after school and twice at the weekend, plus swimming and cycling.

He is still not a skinny child but his uniform fits him, there is no tum and I can see his ribs.

He's TEN. It's your responsibility not his. At 10 I was blissfully unaware I was going fat, my mum had a word with the family without letting me know and only told me years later that they'd all changed their diets to help me lose a bit of weight.

How did his diet get that bad?

What did he eat when he was a toddler?

Did something happen to make the switch to junk food or was it gradual?

What healthy foods will he eat?

At 10 this is a salvageable situation but it can't be left any longer. He could develop type 2 diabetes now, or rickets or scurvy.

What is your daily diet? Would he eat that?

Weaning someone off such an unhealthy diet will take time. A cold turkey approach may cause food issues all his life. If you can't make some progress soon then go to the go and ask for a dietician referral. This is a medical problem and you may well need professional help.

There's also his activity levels. What are they like? Does he get out of breath? Does he walk to school/ go swimming or anything?

Good luck... This is going to be a hard struggle for you and your DS.

Why aren't you cooking him proper meals? Aside from the weight issue, what an unhealthy little boy he must be!!

I feel guilty when I do "easy" dinners a couples of days on the trot but they wouldn't even come close to the rubbish your poor son is allowed to eat.

Good grief, op, your son is heading for an early grave and you are to blame. Stop namby pambying around, and start tomorrow with the ideas youve already been given. if he questions it, talk to him about the health aspect, not weight.

CarolDW this is about the 3rd time you posted & I know because I've posted in the other two

Read the posts - give proper food & take some exercise each day. Cut out ALL the junk.